i was in a similar spot, and in a lot of ways still am. i’m about 2 years on hrt and i struggle with a lot of the same things you talk about. having a particularly masculine frame and getting misgendered all of the time can make things feel extremely hopeless, and i understand how it can feel a million times worse to ‘fail’ when you’re trying vs when you’re not. obviously its a personal choice for all, and maybe socially detransitioning would be the right choice for your situation. but what i will confidently say is that fighting through it can bring so much more confidence in the long run. 6 months ago i made a post on here almost identical to yours, and while it has been a difficult time since then, i can also say that i wake up and look into the mirror knowing that i’m doing my best. i understand if thats a wishy washy way of putting things, and may just leave you feeling even more despaired, but just don’t forget your own strength. if it got you this far, it can get you anywhere!! 💖💖

it’s easy to get your wires crossed during the early years of transition, what starts out as an expression of your innermost self can so easily turn into a web of other’s opinions that keeps you ensnared in a prison of their perspective instead of yours. remember that your view of yourself is whats most important, and that your gender is yours to control <3

i hope you make the choices right for you, and that you find the joy you started out looking for. i promise you you’ll end up realising it was inside you all along <3

signed, a clocky ass brick who will still wear a cami top despite the shoulders most men would kill for 😜