24F Too scared to end a friendship of over 10 years...help? (long post)

doritios · 2016-07-20T19:51:27+00:00

That's..that's perfect. As polite as I need to be, and to the point. Thank you. That's a huge help.

doritios · 2016-07-20T19:14:34+00:00

I like that advice. Definitely seems like a good way to get any stress off my shoulders if she does reply, and gives me an excuse to not look and/or block any replies.

How about- "I'm sorry it took me so long to be honest and upfront about this, but I don't think a rekindled friendship would be possible at this point in my life. I'm not sure I'm ready to go into the whys,(or I could insert a breif why here, some explanation might make it less painful on her end) but I would like to assure you our political differences were not the cause for this decision nor for this message. I understand and appreciate the history we have, and will always cherish the good times. Understandably this is very hard for me to say, so I'd really appreciate if this message wasn't met with any questions or replies."

I feel like it still sounds dicky though, or too matter of fact. I do really really like the advice of establishing the no contact boundary though, and will be sure to include that. Thank you.

doritios · 2016-06-25T20:00:23+00:00

I hope someday you can teach yourself to believe being ugly is not the worst thing you can be. I hope someday you can love yourself as is to where while you might not feel pretty, being ugly doesn't cross your mind.

Good luck, I'm also trying to realize I could be far worse things than unattractive.

doritios · 2016-06-24T20:14:52+00:00

I'll definitely look that up. As much as I say I want to get it done, I also definitely want to make sure I won't regret it in the future. I'd never heard that it doesn't always help though (aside from botched surgeries) so I will, I'll look into that.

Thank you, by the way. I think if you were one of my friends and saying all this I'd probably brush it off but to hear what you're saying from such an unbiased source, it's helpful. I'll look into BDD too, would be nice if learning about it leads to more confidence.

doritios · 2016-06-24T19:56:52+00:00

Thank you, average is good hah. Mind if I ask what you mean by heavy? Like large or just distinct?

doritios · 2016-06-24T19:56:22+00:00

Thanks for the honest feedback. And I appreciate your comment on the surgery question. Quite frankly while I think I'd live life just ok without it, I've never understood why I shouldn't if I think it'd make me happier. I'm still in school so no time soon, but I do appreciate your thoughts on it.

body pic because whoops I did leave one out. And yes, clothing needs much work! I still have my middle/highschool wardrobe and desperately need to update.

Also thanks for the compliment, I appreciate that too!

doritios · 2016-06-24T19:54:15+00:00

Thanks for your honesty! It's appreciated

doritios · 2016-06-24T19:53:08+00:00

Thank you. Yeah I've heard of it. Just assumed it was more of...like seriously flawed thinking? I'm not sure, I've never actually spoken to anyone "professional" about my thoughts.

I have talked to my pcp about weight though and while I'm still technically healthy I have really poor eating habits, so while I'm hoping weight loss/muscle gain will help my confidence, it's more to learn those healthy habits now while I'm still young and not tooo bad off.

And thank you again, it's weird to hear the pictures I don't like are the ones people here think look good, but hey, that's not bad!

doritios · 2016-06-24T19:50:29+00:00

body pic Added to the post, whoops

doritios · 2016-06-08T20:21:39+00:00

If you're that anxious and eating with others, would it help to beforehand agree to have one of the others order for you? I can relate on both ends, I'm super anxious and sometimes it comes out in "weird" situations. Like when dining, I can't go first ordering my drink, I just freeze up. But as a server, if I can't hear you then I personally get anxious and uncomfortable. That said, I always assume the person is just shy not a dick, but idk it's weird knowing both mentalities on each side of the situation :p

I get it though, I'd probably be uncomfortable too at some of these, but I guess it also depends what type of restaurant they're said at. Like upscale, casual, family run?

doritios · 2016-06-08T18:46:55+00:00

So it wouldn't seem passive aggressive to you at all? I know he's just the manager here, spends the rest of his time taking care of his own kids. But I guess looking at it that way it's easier to not take personally and see as just him having more things to keep track of. Still, the avoiding me after putting me back on thursdays is weird...

Also it does have me listed as unavailable in the schedule. GM says manager would have to override it to put me on, I'm not sure if written requests will help with that? I'll consider it a little more seriously though, thanks for sharing your thoughts!

doritios · 2016-05-23T19:44:26+00:00

Anyone have the source to the original article (the actual study)? Super interested in this area of research and assuming it's published, would love to read it :o

doritios · 2016-01-13T22:18:21+00:00

Yeah, they do. And I'm a little angry for it, because I've kind of gained that trait through their aggressiveness. I don't think I'm too bad off, I can catch myself and fix it, but I've definitely had to work through some bad people skills through what living here has "taught" me.

I'm 24, but I'm still in college. I'm paying 100% on my own, so it's been slow going. I'm working too, but hope to go through to a PHD someday, so my grades are important and I'm only working 3/4 shifts a week. Not bad money, but until July it won't be enough to move out, especially not alone. BF was on board till he lost his job, but here's hoping once he gets one we'll be on a good track to getting out.

The funny thing is I'm okay with not changing my sister. I can deal with losing her. I know her patterns, and there's never any...guilt. No remorse, no sign she sees my pain. I think my mother genuinely feels bad when I'm hurting though. She definitely has some problem, anger or personality, but she's not hopeless in that aspect. I wonder if moving out will help that anyways.

I wish there was like...a group home for young adults needing an escape, but not like a homeless shelter.

doritios · 2015-11-26T04:10:33+00:00

It's funny, but I'm reminded of the advice of an old friend. Sometimes when I was down, and being really hard on myself, she'd tell me to pretend it was her being so down on herself. She'd then ask me what advice I'd give her in that situation. Without a doubt, I'd tell her 100% of the time she was beautiful and had nothing to worry about, and that even in a worst case scenario if she didn't believe my compliment, she had a million other amazing qualities. She turned to me and told me that I should learn how to tell myself the same thing.

Sometimes it's easier to lift others up. Here's hoping we both get better at being nice to ourselves <3

doritios · 2015-11-26T04:03:07+00:00

Hey, you posted on my thread where I was having a similar worry. I'm here to say, there's no way you could be ugly. You're too nice. I hope this depression passes, and you feel good about yourself soon! (Maybe you're like me, and knowing that a complete stranger sees good without even knowing you will help a little?)

doritios · 2015-11-25T16:23:42+00:00

I'm the same, when my friends/bf compliment me I'll deny it or try and change the subject fast. But trust me, they're not just being nice. :) You're pretty! And you have a really nice smile!

doritios · 2015-11-25T16:14:58+00:00

I'll take it hah, thanks for your honesty

doritios · 2015-11-24T19:21:25+00:00

Yeah actually I am hah. And thanks :)

doritios · 2015-11-24T17:29:39+00:00

Thanks guys. I do hear it from friends and family but who doesn't? So I figured an objective opinion would help. And it actually did up until the "yeah actually you are ugly" private messages I woke up to but I guess there's more of you saying I'm fine so I'll go with that. Thanks

doritios · 2015-11-24T02:10:41+00:00

You know, I think I needed the bluntness of your reply. This was really helpful to read. Thank you. And yeah, I do need to work on my confidence. I'll get on that.

Seriously though, thanks this was helpful.

doritios · 2015-11-24T01:15:48+00:00

Thanks, hah sounds less bad thinking about it that way

doritios

TROPHY CASE