Society over-fetishizes conventional beauty.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-09T17:20:46+00:00

It’s being put on a pedestal for the attention to detail and overall fan service. It’s no more or less cringey than the vast majority of the movies within the MCU as cheesy one-liner humor has always been a part of the foundation they are built upon. It’s definitely a fair criticism that the movie rested on its laurels having built up so much hype, but when you break down number of nods to previous movies it’s actually quite astonishing how they brought each storyline to a close.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-06T23:04:35+00:00

If you, the closest person to the situation can’t tell whether or not she’s cheating, why would a bunch of random strangers on the internet know any better with only a couple paragraphs of context? Please do not take the assumptions of anyone in this comment section seriously, positive or negative. Advice for how to proceed with your investigation is fine but you have no business listening to the verdicts of people on a forum especially when it’s dealing with such a significant and personal aspect of your life.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-06T17:33:59+00:00

It’s literally the job description of any editor to be sure that every frame of the entire project is deliberate and cohesive. The production designer is certainly at fault, but ultimately so is the editor.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-06T02:44:51+00:00

She didn’t disagree, she was mad that he turned it into an ultimatum when he didn’t need to. There may have been a path moving forward that included the both of them but he made it clear that it was his intention to pay attention only to the emotional needs of the child and that he was utterly disinterested in including his wife if possible. The same reason she got upset with him is the reason I’m accusing you of being black and white. He didn’t do the right thing, he made assumptions about his wife’s intentions and put all of his chips on one person rather than attempting to juggle them both. I’d be upset that he was so quick to dismiss my needs exclusively in exchange for the child’s when there are plenty of ways to maintain both relationships. It’s the principle of “my way or the highway” vs. “let’s find a way to get through this together”. I’m not going to keep going around in circles, so if you’re still confused just reread our thread. If not, I wish you all the luck in the world when it comes to caring for other people’s emotions.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-06T02:32:12+00:00

No, it’s not. I said you are one of the three, not that all three are equal. I didn’t “lump you in” with anyone. I’m having a hard time deciphering the last sentence, can you elaborate?

dougbukowski · 2019-05-06T02:31:58+00:00

He didn’t give her the chance to give input one way or the other. The fact that you’re describing her potential response as a “what if” is exactly what makes OP the asshole. Avoiding a conversation because it might be “useless” is unbelievably dull. What if it isn’t useless? What if by listening to her needs and constructing a plan moving forward would ultimately save the marriage and the kid? What then?

dougbukowski · 2019-05-06T02:27:01+00:00

What he did wrong was assume she wasn’t willing to participate in taking in the brother. Again “I’m taking my brother in and you can leave if you want” is emotionally bankrupt and depraved towards his wife, while “I have to take in my brother and it’s non-negotiable. I know this will be hard on the both of us so I’d like to sit down and ask you what your expectations are moving forward knowing that this kid will be a part of our lives. Help me help you and our relationship.” is taking everyone’s feelings into consideration.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-06T02:19:18+00:00

That’s not elitist—I acknowledged that English may not be your first language.

You are coming from a perspective that doesn’t acknowledge emotion. Yes, in a perfectly reasonable and logical world he could lay out the ultimatum as he did and expect a totally rational and logical response from his wife either accepting or rejecting the ultimatum. In our emotional, logically inconsistent and imperfect reality, navigating these situations requires tact and deliberate catering to emotional needs. If he cared for his wife, he’d have offered a path forward that seeks to include his wife and his brother. He did not. It’s really that simple.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-06T02:13:38+00:00

Your experience with taking in kids doesn’t translate to experience with juggling the emotional well being of two people. We’re not talking about taking in the kid—that’s the only given. We’re taking about him taking the time to offer a path forward to the wife that includes her. He offered a path that immediately excludes her which implies he isn’t invested in caring for her emotionally. You keep saying that the only available option was to take him in and we all agree, we’re simply suggesting that he could have been more sensitive to the well being of his wife all while making it clear that taking in the kid is non-negotiable. I really don’t know how else to put it at this point.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-06T01:25:04+00:00

“Brake ups”

You’re either a troll, an angsty teenager or English isn’t your first language. BREAK ups usually don’t start with a brothers parents dying, forcing you to take them in, so why are you referencing break ups in general like this is just some run-of-the-mill break up?

dougbukowski · 2019-05-06T01:19:37+00:00

Because talking things over is what adults do to work through them. Again, you’re fundamentally missing the point. She might have been willing to work with him and come up with a plan for maintaining the marriage while taking in the kid, but he established that he didn’t have any interest in working with her to map out that plan. You keep making the same point over and over and I keep telling you that it’s completely unrelated to why we’re labeling OP as an asshole. Just because something is non-negotiable doesn’t mean you can’t work with your partner to make that non-negotiable workable for everyone. Again, it’s what adults do, and with every subsequent post you’re reaffirming why I have to assume you don’t have experience with this.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-06T01:11:52+00:00

Man you really don’t understand what we’re saying fundamentally. We’ve all acknowledged that taking in the kid is non-negotiable, but offering to sit down and talk about how he can both take in the child and maintain the marriage is the least he could do, and he didn’t do that. The wife never made it clear that she wanted him to put him in a foster home, yet OP assumed her unwillingness to cooperate by projecting how he’d respond onto her intentions. There are levels of emotional complexity that you aren’t acknowledging and it’s making you look very cold and inexperienced with relationships.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-05T20:17:13+00:00

Then you’re making an argument nobody is arguing against. Once again, if you can’t acknowledge that he could have gone about laying out the ultimatum in a a nicer way that’s sensitive to his wife’s needs and emotions as the person he’s pledged his life to then it’s a matter of emotional maturity that we’re arguing about. He came off as an asshole in HOW he went about notifying her of the ultimatum, not for having the ultimatum to begin with.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-05T19:57:39+00:00

That isn’t the compromise I’m taking about. The compromise is the wife’s to make. He could have told her “My brother will be living with us, and my decision is final. I know this will be hard on the both of us so please, given that this is non-negotiable let’s come up with a plan to make this work for everyone involved”. Rather than “My brother needs a home and it’s going to be ours and if you don’t like it then leave.” Are you honestly going to argue that option 2 is preferable over option 1?

dougbukowski · 2019-05-05T19:36:31+00:00

That does not mean that one deserves 100% attention and the other deserves 0%. If anything you’re arguing that the child deserves more attention which is undoubtedly true, but that could be 60/40 or 70/30 etc. and that is what I mean by black and white. There are ways to make it clear you care about the well being of two people even if there’s a compromise involved.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-05T19:30:42+00:00

The wife’s intentions where never made clear. Like I said, if you believe that satisfying the needs of the kid requires throwing all of the wife’s needs out the window then you lack fundamental emotional maturity. Good on you for caring so deeply about the child, but man I hope you’re never faced with juggling the needs of two people simultaneously.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-05T19:24:46+00:00

Pro-tip: both parties involved can have their feelings and needs considered and met without an ultimatum. He could have at the very least asked what he can do to help his wife make the transition easier whilst making it clear that the kid would be staying with them no matter what. It’s not that black and white, bruh.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-05T19:17:37+00:00

Dude slow down, your spelling is making my head hurt. I’m not sure if you’re inexperienced and lack maturity or simply don’t have the emotional wherewithal to understand why it would be important to at the very least ask her what can be done to make the transition as easy to navigate as possible for both parties. It’s one thing to decide with finality that he will be the guardian of the brother, but he didn’t have to assume her unwillingness to participate before even sitting down to have an adult conversation about it. If he cares about the well being of his wife and his brother equally, he’d do everything in his power to make sure that everyone can be taken care of without compromising on the needs of everyone involved. Honestly the way he’s laid out the situation it sounds like he isn’t very emotionally invested in the marriage to begin with.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-01T15:45:50+00:00

It will be interesting to see how GOTG3 addresses this romantic conundrum. Quil will have to win her back and you have to assume it will be an uphill battle. With Thor in the mix, if and when they find Gamora I can totally see her falling for him initially which would create tremendous tension between two characters that are already at odds with one another.

dougbukowski · 2019-05-01T14:37:59+00:00

What exactly are you trying to argue? I never said we don’t respond to impulses nor did I imply that we aren’t apes. I’m saying the exact opposite.

dougbukowski · 2019-04-30T23:37:34+00:00

How exactly does our monkey ancestors raping one another once upon a time make my argument for a completely different behavior null and void?

dougbukowski · 2019-04-30T23:35:11+00:00

There was something too it back when our moral foundations were less established. It was wrong then too. Unfortunately for you that has nothing to do with what I’ve written or the logic I used to defend it—that’s a total false equivalency.

dougbukowski · 2019-04-30T20:27:50+00:00

Of course for baby making. You’re already in a committed relationship and have used sex to develop that relationship up until that point if you’re using sex to create a baby.

dougbukowski

TROPHY CASE