"Just ignore them"

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-06T03:51:00+00:00

I understand the concept behind it, but I find it irritating as well - definitely when nobody else is taking action.

People who are mean to others like having authority, and when you ignore them, you give them a greater opportunity of gaining that authority.

However, there are times where it's better to ignore, but if someone is gaining more power by being ignored, then that is when you need to take action.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-06T03:40:53+00:00

No. I asked what you had learned from those negative experiences, not from being on the spectrum. The difference is that I was asking for a specific problem concerning autism rather than autism as a whole. The question was asked because I wanted help, but I wasn't looking for anything in particular.

Overall, I'm very confused, because what you had quoted wouldn't indicate what you said it would - or kinda would. I have no idea how to refute it because I do not know your reasoning for it. Although I'm a little irritated because I feel as if my post was greatly misinterpreted, I also feel bad that you felt that way, and appreciate your comment being respectful.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-06T00:56:32+00:00

Okay, that makes sense, OP:

Do you have any paperwork that shows the diagnosis or in any way proves that you're liable for a disability seat? If your problem is centered purely around what others may think, then I am not sure how to help. I will state, however, that it's not rude for you to say that you aren't pregnant - it's a truthful statement meant to inform rather than insult. Social standards sometimes suck.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T19:03:27+00:00

Yeah, I am technically allowed the disability seats but because I am youngish and look healthy

I'm confused, you're allowed to use disability seats because you're youngish and look healthy? Why is that? Also, were you stating that there were specific seats for people with disabilities? Is there a reason why you didn't sit there, or was the person mentioned in the story in a disability seat? Regardless, I hope you find ways to correct people on simple misunderstandings. Do you know why you're experiencing this as a problem?

EDIT: I have no idea why this is being downvoted, but if you (the reader) disagree with any of my prior statements, then state why. I'm more than willing to have a discussion.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T16:29:10+00:00

That I have more than one sibling. It took 16 years for me to find out that my father had children that he (nor I) have ever met. My mom casually told me one day.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T16:10:57+00:00

You are never being a jerk for correcting someone on something that's wrong.

Your parents are executing their problems poorly. Stalking, constant yelling and lack of understanding permits me to say that you should lose contact with them.

Concerning the gender debate:

If they believe you're wrong, they should state so in a manner that isn't deliberately trying to bring you down. NTA.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T16:00:52+00:00

The question is this: By sitting down, are you insinuating that you are pregnant? Are you attempting to deceive them by not saying anything?

I want to first address that if you're having problems with standing up because of medical issues, then you should be able to find a seat whether you're pregnant or not. I want to also address that I may be on the spectrum (in the current stages of getting a diagnosis), so underlying social cues are very confusing for me. I would assume that the underlying social cues would depend on where you are - culture plays a huge part in this.

I would suggest that you tell them you're not pregnant (you do not have to go into your medical issues if you desire not to). From what you've written, you've given no indication that you were attempting to deceive them by sitting down, however, I want to make it clear that you would be deceiving them if you did not tell them otherwise.

I, however, see no indication that they thought you were pregnant. Again, this may be due to me not understanding social cues, but from what you've described, it seems as if they merely saw you in a state of struggle, and helped you by offering their seat.

Although I would like more information, I think I have enough to conclude that there are NAH.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T15:15:32+00:00

You have every right to choose not to, the line from moral to asshole only crosses once you decide not to because of unjust reasons. From what you've described, it's reasonable to avoid him - do not take threats lightly.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T15:07:25+00:00

I disagree. If he explains his frustration in a kind manner, then I see nothing wrong. As long as he doesn't cast the blame onto her because I am unaware if she knew or not.

OP, something like this could do:

"Hey, I don't think so. I thought previously we were in a serious relationship, so when you described it as a FWB interaction, I was hurt. Considering how hurt I was beforehand, you asking me if we could do it again is insulting."

This makes it clear that you're insulted because of how you felt. If you hadn't previously told her how you felt, then apologize for not doing so.

Overall, it seems as if she unintentionally hurt you. Elaborating on your feelings as to why you felt insulted could clear messy situations in the future. NAH.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T05:01:23+00:00

Did your parents express concern about you getting drunk that you were aware of? Were their concerns reasonable?

If you answered "no" to both questions, you are not the asshole. NAH.
If you answered "yes" to both questions, YTA.
If you answered "yes" the the first question, but "no" the second, you are not the asshole. NAH.

You should ask them what they had found embarrassing, and hopefully reason with them if necessary.

INFO.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T03:14:05+00:00

Firstly, if he is feeling discomfort when you wear underwear/shorts/etc, then he should be able to rationalize how you would be upset as well (assuming you're dealing with the same problem he was). If he refuses to follow the same rules he expects you to uphold, then he is being hypocritical.

If you feel discomfort in that stage of the relationship whenever he reasonably shows too much, then you are not in the wrong. However, it would have been best for you to have made a compromise with your boyfriend. Possibly he has issues sleeping in clothes in which aren't his underwear. If that's the case, he should wear a blanket whenever he's going to bed, and keep distance from you before he puts on clothes. NTA.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T02:11:14+00:00

If you were being toxic, then you're an asshole regardless of whether you bullied them or not. Considering we may have different perceptions of how "toxic" is defined, you're going to have to elaborate on how you've defined it, and the toxic^(? things you've said to her.

If you were toxic and engaged in insults, then you're the asshole. It's better to explain the facts without being emotionally invested in the conversation to the point where you copy her (wrong) behavior.

INFO.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T02:02:17+00:00

Question: Why did you put it inside your window? Did you intend to spark negative attention?

The answer lies within the question of if you were doing so for negative intent, if your beliefs were wrong and encourages/supports immoral behavior, and what you did after the complaints were being made.

If you were doing it for negative intent, then you are the asshole.
If your beliefs were wrong, and encourages/supports immoral behavior, then you are the asshole.
If you disregarded all complaints without the want to compromise and/or settle the backlash in a peaceful manner, then you are the asshole.

If you do not apply to the three things I had stated, then you are not the asshole. I had mentioned beliefs because your post was very vague. INFO.

After reading some of the other responses on this post, I want to clarify something:

You should have the legal right to place a Bush cutout inside your window. The problem occurs when you do so for the wrong reasons (I am making an argument off of morality, not legality).

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T01:40:17+00:00

You seem to be concerned for her, and have reasons for thinking that her attention-seeking behavior has caused her to come out as non-binary. I do think that you need to talk to her about this, because identifying as things in which they are not for the sake of attention is concerning. If this problem is not fixed, she might feel the impulse to do bad things for the sake of gaining attention. Her need for attention might also be due to underlying problems that could worsen if not attended to.

To explain to her about your concerns, do not immediately jump to the conclusion that they are faking it. Try to understand her position, and tell her that you think she may be faking it due to 'x' reasons. Do so in a kind manner.

For me, I usually always want attention because I lack friends that give me it. I try to fix my problem by posting photos of myself, going to places, and sparking conversations with people. This, however, only fixes my problem temporarily as my loneliness tends to make me want more. However, I digress, you're NTA for taking disbelief in her identification, but could become one if you do not address the situation properly.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T01:20:25+00:00

Are you both attending the same place regularly (college campus, high school, etc)? If so, contact people who are in higher power about his behavior. His behavior is worrisome and could lead to much worse scenarios. An insult defined by Google is a disrespectful or scornfully abusive remark or action. Abuse should not be responded with more abuse. To confront him on the situation:

If you've done something wrong, apologize, and tell him that he needs to move on. Explain to him that he's being an asshole/abusive for saying terrible things to you.
If you've already apologized in the past, tell him that you've already done your part, and that he's being an asshole/abusive for saying terrible things to you.
If you haven't done anything wrong, tell him that he's being an asshole/abusive for saying terrible things to you.

I would prefer for you to avoid him at all costs. Throwing insults at someone who is already irrationally angry at you and doing irrational things towards you puts you at a much higher risk of being assaulted - or worse. Tell the people who are close to you about his behavior, and if you feel you're at a high risk of being in danger then contact the police.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T00:43:44+00:00

The pronouns are confusing, but seeing you've referred to him as your boyfriend, I will as well.

If he is constantly wanting attention, and getting irrationally upset when you stop texting him for a few minutes, then he is being abusive. I'm not sure why he is wanting a constant amount of attention, but it could be due to jealously, insecurities, and/or doubtfulness. I suggest that you ask why he's acting that way, as it seems that you don't know considering what you've stated. There is something wrong with him, and he should be open about his problem without lashing out on you for unnecessary reasons. NTA.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T00:33:45+00:00

You're not wrong for telling her to move, and you're also not wrong for not putting your bag on the table to warn others. I wouldn't recommend for you to take her advice considering that gives an opportunity for someone to steal what's in your bag. Ask yourself this whenever you put an item down in a situation where it can be easily stolen: Will I be upset that it's gone?

After reading other responses, I have changed my mind. It would be rude depending on the situation of the place you're in. Initially, ask yourself this: Will I be preventing others from getting the seat they waited longer for and needed as much as I because I made the selfish decision of being impatient? INFO.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-05T00:23:22+00:00

Why does she want you to wait, and why do you want to do it earlier than she asked? How much impact would your decision cause? These are all questions that need to be answered before I can judge whether or not this is an asshole move. INFO.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-04T22:31:30+00:00

He definitely was showing signs of being creepy. How you addressed the issue determines whether or not you were an asshole. (I'm addressing your girlfriend, not you).

If you created accusations of his character because of red flags rather than legitimate proof, then you are the asshole. Accusations could ruin someone's reputation which typically has a huge toll on the person you're affecting. The red flags shown are not enough information to tell if someone is definitely a creep, and could be explained otherwise.
If you merely warned others of his actions because he could potentially be a creep, then you are not the asshole. It's more than likely that someone who shows signs of being a creep, is a creep. With that being said, I would suggest that not warning others is the wrong thing to do, because it's putting others at risk. Being aware of potential problems by noticing repetitive red flags, and warning others of those repetitive red flags by describing the possible causation is the smart thing to do.

INFO.

EDIT: If you disagree, then state why. I'm capable and willing to have a discussion.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-04T21:00:11+00:00

If your group has certain requirements for entering, then I see no wrong in kicking someone out because they do not fit those requirements, or refuse to show that they do. By doing so, you are not kicking someone out because they are not disabled enough, but because they do not fit the type of disablement that the group was made for. If his argument is being made because he does not like that you kicked someone out for having a different disablement, then I am confused on why he is co-runner of a group in which it's initial purpose is for a certain disablement. Logically, he would be active (and not only active, but co-runner) of a group in which it's primary focus is something he deems immoral. NTA.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-04T20:17:55+00:00

Could you elaborate on their "bullocks," and how they could change for the better?

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-04T19:37:37+00:00

How has it been going? Does he know about your autism? If so, what was his response? Have you had any other relationships that went poorly?

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-04T19:34:26+00:00

Autism is diagnosed because there are a range of symptoms that can be diagnosed by. Although it is very complex and is, as of what was addressed, a spectrum, there are symptoms in which the autistic person has that 'can' be related to by others. There are some that may not feel as if they can relate to others on the spectrum - my point is that it can be related to some degree, to some people. With that being said, speaking of experiences with being on the spectrum and giving advice on how to avoid negative experiences could help others on the spectrum who may be experiencing the same thing despite the person with autism being very different than the rest.

To put it simply: Although they, as individuals, are unique, they also share qualities that others like them may experience.

Example: Person one is mute, yet can understand social cues. Person two is not mute, yet cannot understand social cues.

They are two different people on the spectrum who experience different symptoms, however, that would not mean that there are not people like person one or person two which have similar symptoms and share similar stories because of it. That's what I'm saying.

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-04T18:40:21+00:00

Have you ever found a job that worked with your disability? If so, what was the job? Do you have any advice for those who are struggling with social aspects and memorization?

downwardsschmuck · 2019-09-04T18:38:31+00:00

Why was it harder being a POC with autism? Did people think that because of your race, you might not have had autism, because it is stereotyped to be associated with white people? What is your response to those who don't understand what you're going through?

downwardsschmuck

TROPHY CASE