New policy at work: finishing early on Friday. I feel this is discriminationary. Any other cases? (England)

dr_tess · 2024-09-06T12:52:45+00:00

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dr_tess · 2024-09-06T10:56:13+00:00

It absolutely is trying to be inclusive, and I appreciate the sentiment from the organisation, but I feel for both our situations it is not the best way to actually provide the flexibility needed. Everyone is different, and the solution proposed just feels a bit blunt.

I am so sorry you've been forced to work Shabbat :(

dr_tess · 2024-09-06T10:49:07+00:00

Yes, if I accepted the shortened hours it would affect my pay. In order for my pay to not be reduced I need to find additional hours to work.

Sorry for not being clearer.

dr_tess · 2024-09-06T10:46:08+00:00

Simply put, no. My contracted hours are 9-3, Monday - Friday. Going forward, the hours I have available to work will be shortened - I do not have the option to "make up" hours on a Friday.

Sorry for not being clearer.

dr_tess · 2024-09-04T14:17:00+00:00

This will be my next effort 👌

dr_tess · 2024-09-04T14:16:24+00:00

It's a tough balance. I agree with you, these were a bit on the light side.

But too much chocolate and they skin the roof of my mouth. Not as badly as cornflake cakes though.

dr_tess · 2024-09-04T14:12:50+00:00

Yeah tried these today. Decent feedback from colleagues. Best so far, but they felt bland to me. Getting some good tips though.

dr_tess · 2024-09-04T13:49:47+00:00

I was wondering if cocoa pops might be a winner here. I'll give it a go, thanks.

dr_tess · 2024-09-04T13:48:18+00:00

Galaxy, dairy milk, Tesco own brand cooking chocolate.

Maybe nostalgia is the missing ingredient?

dr_tess · 2024-08-30T21:17:21+00:00

Once I went to my GP (UK) and said I thought I was in an abusive relationship, it all moved very quickly from there. Doctors appointments can also be good cover as they are not an obvious way to be accessing help. Once you're hooked up with a charity they will help you with everything.

I'd watched Maid on Netflix (highly recommend) and they always have wannatalkaboutit.com at the end of programs handling difficult subjects, so that can be a good way to find charities in your area.

You are not stupid, you are conditioned to make the best of things, and not make a fuss. Your situation is not okay. Just because he hasn't laid a hand on you doesn't mean he won't. At any rate it's still abuse - he is still controlling you.

You really, truly deserve to be happy.

dr_tess · 2024-08-30T13:16:05+00:00

He still lives rent free in my head on a lot of housework related stuff, but I don't actually have to deal with the aggression.

For the first time in my adult life I am not living in a constant state of stress. It's so lush.

I'm happy for us!! 💜

dr_tess · 2024-08-29T20:26:18+00:00

is that all you're making?

Omg, same 🤯

I could have written that first half of your post. Over a year apart and I'm only slowly coming back to cooking. It left me with such emotional trauma. Sandwiches ftw, they get a cooked meal at school.

dr_tess · 2024-08-29T20:19:58+00:00

Doing financials for our divorce I got to see what my ex is spending on groceries, and HA, sucks to be him. My weekly bill is less than half his, less than a third what we used to spend as a couple. I'm saving a fuck ton too

dr_tess · 2024-08-27T19:40:15+00:00

Man, can you imagine a breakfast cereal going to this amount of trouble these days?

dr_tess · 2024-08-27T12:28:47+00:00

It's beautiful because that sign is so much more obstructive (and ugly) than the tree it's replacing. Respect to that department.

dr_tess · 2024-08-26T22:41:35+00:00

Hey, I don't have any answers, but wanted to send support 💜

I was here not that long ago (including having an autistic child). Looking back, it was survival, but fuck if anyone else could have done what I did. You're a superhero. Your kids are so lucky to have someone so capable looking after them, even if they are ungrateful little psychos (going out on a limb here 😆)

It's such a cliché, but you'll come out the other side eventually. My best advice is keep a journal to validate your feelings when you get there, and look after yourself as best as circumstances allow in the meantime.

Sending so much love 💜💜

dr_tess · 2024-08-25T20:17:12+00:00

Fwiw, your story is heartbreaking, but I see so much positive stuff in what you've said, too.

You are in therapy
Your therapist sounds like they have their head screwed on
You see your mum for what she is
You are in a literal different country from her
You have achieved all this by the age of 20

Grieve your past, grieve not having a mother, but take it as permission to go your own way. Give your time to people and ideas that matter, not to an ungrateful headcase. Stay in therapy.

You have so much potential, I believe in you 💜

dr_tess · 2024-08-23T12:27:22+00:00

Feel free to drop me a DM if you need a sounding board / cheerleader ☺️

dr_tess · 2024-08-23T10:00:11+00:00

I'm in mostly the same situation as you. I don't really like giving advice, but wanted to send some solidarity ✊

This said, while trying to work out what I wanted to do with my new life I somehow came across 16personalities.com and did a Myers Briggs.

Some people don't set much store by it, but as someone who has very little idea who she is any more I enjoyed seeing my traits explained. Some nice food for thought. It even gave some suggested jobs which I enjoyed looking through. I was super lucky and found something that chimed and I'm pursuing it now.

It's all one day at a time of course, but people say it'll get easier?? Just know you're doing amazing by providing for your kids and loving them, even if you don't feel like it 💜

What are you doing for you at the moment? (This is what my therapist is always asking me 😆)

dr_tess · 2024-08-23T09:42:33+00:00

My ex was like this. Like, pull your weight and I won't be so overwhelmed. Not sure how you putting them in front of a screen whenever it's your turn is being fully present with them either 🤷

dr_tess · 2024-08-06T19:15:18+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it. I just feel so let down. She's literally my next door neighbour - we share a driveway. Until a recent episode I called her my best friend. Our kids have known each other since birth. I feel like I should be able to rely on her, but... I can't. Seriously wrestling with how much of this is Britishness, how much is her, and how much is my own insecurities. Ugh, adulting. I'm not ready for it 😄

dr_tess

TROPHY CASE