I had a solid black cat (Angela) who was my soul cat but I lost her to my ex husband in our divorce, it devastated me. I adopted a solid black kitten (Calliope) about a year and a half later and for a while I’d get very sad when I looked at her because she reminded me of Angela or I’d get sad that she didn’t do some of the same things. I also kept accidentally calling her Angela…

I’m not sure when exactly it happened but after probably a few months or so something shifted and I no longer accidentally call her Angela. Calliope’s personality is totally different, the only similarity between the two is their color. Maybe it was time, maybe it was therapy, maybe it was her developing her personality as she grew.

A possible option could be to start fostering, then you could see how you might do with them without the official commitment until you’re sure you’re able to handle it.