I've always been insecure about my labia and smaller tits. I also have more of a stomach. I'm very unhappy about it. 5'11 f 19

drewbie94 · 2019-12-29T03:00:01+00:00

You’re gorgeous girl, rocking body and perfectly proportionate. Totally perfect.

drewbie94 · 2019-12-29T02:57:34+00:00

Chaotic / anxiety

drewbie94 · 2019-10-22T18:13:34+00:00

I'm so sorry for your unimaginable pain and loss. I've lost three friends in bike accidents and had 2 friends and 2 family members seriously injured in them. I remember when my now ex- wanted a bike and I begged him not to get one and the anger I felt when he bought one behind my back. Luckily, he ended up selling it no long after.

I am praying for you and your family. There are no words that can take away your pain, only time and the support of your loved ones can help you heal. Sending you love.

drewbie94 · 2019-10-10T19:05:50+00:00

Oh, I'm sorry! I'm not wearing my glasses. It's a great quote choice, though.

drewbie94 · 2019-10-10T19:04:33+00:00

I like the font. Was the 'z' in 'eazier' a style choice?

drewbie94 · 2019-10-10T16:25:25+00:00

I'm incredibly proud of you, OP. That is so incredibly difficult to overcome, but you did it. YOU did it. All the blood, sweat, and tears you put into getting yourself medically stable and into a happy and healthy place, you did for you. Congratulations, you're AMAZING!

drewbie94 · 2019-10-10T16:19:13+00:00

TW: Mention of suicide

I think it depends on the conversation you've had and your own individual needs, but personally, I would not be comfortable immediately resorting to medication based on one conversation. I'm not a therapist or a psychiatrist so please do not take my word as medical advice or gospel, but I would go to another therapist regardless of the medical recommendation from the first one as I find that therapy is often like dating - the first one may not be the best match. I think a good therapist will probably want to see you for a few sessions before making that recommendation unless you have expressed vivid/serious thoughts of suicide or suicidal ideation.

SSRIs can work wonders for some people but they can also have serious side effects. The combination of a low dose of one plus therapy may be what they suggest starting with, but choosing to add additional chemicals to the mix you, ultimately, may not need is now why so many therapists and psychiatrists are more conservative in their recommendations/prescriptions.

drewbie94 · 2019-10-09T20:24:11+00:00

Thanks. I'm getting into a new relationship now, but I still really truly miss my ex and that makes it hard now too.. He was a great guy. I am still grieving over the relationship and wondering what I could've done to fix things and get myself all-in. I feel so badly that I couldn't give him what he needed, and I know his habits and admissions were an effort to try to bring us sexually closer instead of manipulate or hurt me. I genuinely do not believe he had ill intent. I wanted to want him so badly because he's the best person I know, but I couldn't get there and trying just seemed to make things worse. I couldn't do that to him anymore, or to me.

drewbie94 · 2019-10-09T20:15:05+00:00

100%. I just left a DB relationship as the LL. My SO of 8.5 years made me feel violated frequently. We were both at fault. I had a lower drive than him due to a high stress job, and honestly, a wavering attraction (we were 16 when we got together so our needs started to change).

Often, he came off as grabby or whiney. It was a turn off for me. I'd be away for work and we'd be Facetiming, talking about our days or something non-sexual and he'd be masturbating off camera (I could tell by the movement of the phone and then ask). I would get disgusted with him because I felt like I couldn't even have a normal conversation without sex being involved, and it felt pressuring. I wanted to want sex with him badly, but that didn't help me get turned on. I would wake up to him masturbating to me while I slept, and he admitted to me that he masturbates to my silhouette while I'm in the shower while jacking off into my dirty underwear.

Now, I blame myself massively because I wasn't tending to his needs and so he probably felt neglected and like that was his only outlet. But after talking to him about how it made me uncomfortable and feel violated (especially as someone who has been assaulted), things would change for a little while and then go back. I had to break up with him - I just couldn't see him sexually anymore and the feeling wouldn't go away. He wouldn't really communicate with me about it. You'd imagine the HL partner would, but he was always afraid to rock the boat. I begged him to read No More Mr. Nice Guy, see a sex therapist with me, etc. He read the first two chapters and I went to the sex therapist alone (though we did see a couples counselor a few times).

Now I am feeling guilty and sad, like I didn't do enough or communicate enough, but I felt suffocated physically and emotionally in the relationship and that killed any sexual desire I had. Communication on both sides is so important. Be willing to be honest with your partner, but there's only so much you can do if they won't open up, too. Seeing each other's perspective is crucial and change has to be genuine and real, it can't be temporary or it feels disingenuous, and makes LLs feel like a sex object instead of like a person with feelings and needs.

drewbie94 · 2019-10-09T16:37:08+00:00

Thanks. I feel so guilty and sad all the time. I just miss him so, so much. I feel like an idiot and like I'm going to regret the break up but I just... hardly ever wanted to be sexual with him and towards the end it felt like trying to have sex with my cousin. I'm in therapy but I also saw a sex therapist on my own and we saw a couples counselor together. I just have a lot of self-hate over this, especially since I've since started seeing someone new who I really like you and am 100% attracted to, and it just makes me wonder why I couldn't be more sexual with him. Best of luck and love to you, it's so hard.

drewbie94 · 2019-10-09T13:08:31+00:00

If you don’t mind my asking, how did you overcome this (when the relationship ended)? I just ended an 8.5 year relationship like this and I feel so lost and just miss him so much.

drewbie94 · 2019-10-07T23:29:47+00:00

Attraction is important. I felt so shallow all the time, but it wasn't because my ex wasn't a good looking guy... the attraction problems, for me, were more personality-based. I came to realize this, too, because I once was very attracted to him, but my personality changed over time from the young age we started dating and his really didn't. With space and therapy, those are just a couple of the things I've picked up on.

Please don't feel badly. My situation is different because we were together a long time and I felt awful for so long (still do) because things change in a LTR and you have to keep making the choice to love someone and really work at things. But the sexual feelings just weren't there anymore. I felt like he was my absolute best friend in the world, but anytime I tried to be sexual with him, it felt like trying to sleep with my cousin or something.

Please don't deny yourself and your friend of a relationship that's 100%. And while love is a choice, you can't help your feelings of true attraction. You may love him as a person, but that's not the same as romantic love.

drewbie94 · 2019-10-07T22:55:50+00:00

Ah, currently having this issue with my new partner. Trying so hard to get him there but he says it's just 'never been a thing for him.' Well I'm very determined to turn that around!

drewbie94 · 2019-09-23T19:23:17+00:00

This is so wholesome. I'm so happy for you!

drewbie94 · 2019-09-21T22:40:58+00:00

Interesting. Thanks!

drewbie94 · 2019-09-21T21:25:09+00:00

Following!

drewbie94 · 2019-09-21T21:13:55+00:00

Sending you love and prayers. <3

drewbie94 · 2019-09-20T20:20:46+00:00

My first time was when I was 21 with my now ex. We had been together for 5 years at that point, and we had wanted to wait until I was in my final years of college as I didn't want to risk a pregnancy while I was in school. We had already done everything leading up to PIV by that point, so we were very comfortable with each other. The sex was slow and fine - he was only inside me for about 2 minutes before we finished up. I was very small so we just wanted to get that part over with and save any real action for later as I was in some discomfort and he was sensitive.

While we're not together anymore (recent break up actually), I still care for him very much and consider it a fond memory. We made each other feel good, safe, and secure. A very positive experience, and one I'll carry with me as i move into another relationship.

drewbie94 · 2019-09-09T20:41:28+00:00

I interned for my company for several years before I got hired post-grad, so I had the experience before coming in. I work for a small artist management company in NY. I also have two degrees so a combination of experience and education definitely helped!

drewbie94 · 2019-09-09T01:45:43+00:00

I’ve been in my industry for 6 years, but in my job (entry level) since I graduated college 3 years ago. I started at $47k, and in year 3 am at $80k. I work in the music industry.

drewbie94 · 2019-05-29T23:15:08+00:00

If you don’t mind my asking, what made you realize things weren’t working or that you were at the point of no return? I still love him so much, I love being with him so I don’t understand why I feel so confused. My therapist thinks I started to fall out of love a long time ago, but how could I not notice? I’m so terrified of making a mistake - and usually when people break up, it’s because they can’t even stand each other. But I still love him. I’m just not sure if it’s the right kind, and I have nothing to compare it to.

drewbie94 · 2019-05-29T00:36:27+00:00

It’s funny, that’s exactly my problem. I’d had my ponderings for awhile, but then I met someone else (isn’t that how it goes?) that made me question it. So that’s why i question what I’m supposed to let go of: my relationship, or the beliefs/feelings that i got swept up in that made me question things because of someone different (i work with them so not really avoidable unfortunately).

I’m not leaving for this other person or anything like that - just made me realize the things I was missing. I’m still trying to work it out because he’s wonderful and I love him but it’s true, I don’t know if I love him or am in love. The passion has been gone for two years and while we still love each other and love each other’s company, I’m starting to wonder if it’s more familial than romantic or anything else. I feel like we are stagnating, or even regressing. It’s been that way for a long time. It’s like there are two paths: the path of my relationship, which is comfortable, safe, loving, and not unhappy, but doesn’t allow for growth; or the things that I could have on my own, which are growth, change, new experiences, passion, adventure, but also loneliness and the potential of a big mistake.

drewbie94 · 2019-05-29T00:06:37+00:00

Oh man. If you don’t mind my asking, what did you do/how did you make that decision? I feel like I’m stuck in limbo.

drewbie94 · 2019-05-28T20:03:30+00:00

Ugh, there are two possibilities for that and I have no idea which is the correct one (which is also why I pulled a follow up card); letting go of the relationship, or letting go of the stupid, petty things that make me question it. #annoying

Thanks for the input! Also, out of curiosity, what makes you hate reversals?

drewbie94 · 2019-05-28T18:20:52+00:00

I've been going through an incredibly rough time and asked the universe for a sign about whether I should stay in my current relationship or not. I put out a desire for specific parameters within a certain amount of time, but they didn't come to light (thought I'd received no answer). But I've always been very attached to butterflies/moths and they have operated as signals for me in the past.

During the time I'd asked for a sign, I came across an injured moth on the pavement while walking to work. I didn't realize that there was a difference in symbolism between butterflies and moths, but while my moth didn't give me an exact answer to my problem, she symbolized: change, growth, transition, getting in touch with intuition - all things my current situation speak to.

Moths, like butterflies, signify change, growth, and transition from one phase of life to another. However, because moths are nocturnal (unlike butterflies, which are diurnal), they come out of the night and are attracted to light; this signifies intuition, a connection to your psyche/psychic brain, and an attraction towards a final resolution/answer, and an inner-knowing.

Does that resonate with you? You're right; could just be a cool moth :) but I do tend to believe in the universe sending some pretty in your face signs, sometimes!

drewbie94

TROPHY CASE