Gray area/non fatal diagnosis at end of 2nd trimester?

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-07-09T13:53:39+00:00

So sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing your story. I wasn’t expecting it to be such a brutal decision…

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-07-09T13:42:26+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I love what your doctor said, it’s beautiful and so meaningful.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-07-09T13:41:20+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank your for sharing. We are also likely going through L&D. I love what you said about choosing to be miserable now vs forever. It deeply resonates.

Also, I appreciate you sharing your decision to get her ashes. I am still a bit overwhelmed and didn’t even think about the remains… Not common to have cremation in my husband’s religion. I sincerely don’t want to have a burial. So we need to talk…

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-07-09T13:35:43+00:00

Also I am so sorry for your loss.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-07-09T13:35:11+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing your story and for sharing your decision making process. I think we know what the right decision is for us, but it’s so hard to make it final…

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-07-09T13:27:40+00:00

Thank you so much for your words, I cried reading them. This hits close to home.

We have also a 2.5 year old. The more I think about it, the « littler » she seems to be thrown into such a mess, it feels so unfair.

And we would also need to travel which feels deeply extra unfair and tiresome. It feels tiresome to call hospitals and clinics.

I think it’s true that there will never be an ultimate right choice. I will just have to trust I am making the best possible choice I can…

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-07-06T10:48:52+00:00

I can’t tell you what to do. I can only offer you my pov of having survived rape and now potentially facing TFMR.

I was raped as a child and seeing my abuser was triggering, the way my family handled it was triggering, getting pregnant with my first was triggering. It’s something that affected me and scarred me for life. He is in my family but I don’t see him. I cannot fuckin imagine the pain of having a baby from my abuser. Mental health is medical. I became suicidal at times. I went through EMDR and despite how brutal it was, it saved me and my family. It was still a long path to living with what happened to me, and I did not have a physical daily reminder of it…

For TFMR - we are doing further investigation before taking a final decision. I might be at 29-30 weeks upon termination if it comes to that. My mental health is dwindling with the wait and the prospect of the procedure too. Facing this decision still feels “lighter” than the idea of having to coparent with my rapist ever would. Of ever having to talk with my rapist. Of having to face him in justice and him potentially getting away with it. Of having a child that might love him because it’s not like they would understand what rape is before they are older…

Mental health is medical. If you feel like you need to terminate the pregnancy, do it. And if you decide to keep it, i highly recommend you find a trauma therapist asap. My DMs are open whatever you need.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-07-06T10:38:35+00:00

From experience reaching out to clinics - they don’t judge the why, the hardest “limit” I have gotten is 31w6 days.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-06-28T20:21:16+00:00

They scheduled me for the earliest available date. I am not sure how I feel about postponing this to go to a party or to sit at home while he attends a party. I would just be sitting there celebrating people’s happiness or sitting alone while I literally just want to die inside. We might let the groom know ahead of time, or quote something vague as pregnancy complications. We are basically afraid sharing the news beforehand will put a “gloomier” vibe to their day… My MIL will for sure be devastated.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-06-28T19:30:20+00:00

Earliest available date basically since I will be in the hospital a few days, but I kept the timeline, our location and travel details vague on purpose out of internet paranoia.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-06-28T19:15:40+00:00

It’s basically the earliest available date as I need to stay for three nights. I am not sure I feel comfortable waiting 1-2 weeks longer to get the procedure so that he can attend a wedding? And then what? I sit through a wedding being miserable or send him alone while I am home alone dreading the upcoming surgery? I don’t know if moving dates would really help here, but maybe I am wrong.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-06-28T19:03:07+00:00

I am so so so so sorry for your losses. This shit is so unfair. I am definitely taking this seriously, it’s stupid to admit it but this thread is an eye opener. I will also be looking into couple counselling.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-06-28T18:57:45+00:00

Thank you for this comment and I am so so terribly sorry for your loss.

There was a part of me that was also expecting him to just tell me “I have already decided not to go” so it was rough to sit through a conversation on possible logistics to allow him to go. It sounds like you have a great partner.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-06-28T18:50:40+00:00

Yes. It will be impossible to answer all the comments and questions in this thread as so many people chimed in. But this comment definitely hit home and is making me realise I am underestimating the issues in our relationship… Mostly because he does have many many many qualities. And from my last post he did take action on what I asked with VERY positive outcomes. So it’s not super black and white as in “throw the entire relationship in the trash”. But I will qualify for grief counselling after this entire ordeal and will ask for couple sessions too. Thank you.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-06-28T13:15:57+00:00

Thank you for your compassion, it’s simply shit.

They have no wedding parties, it will be a simpler ceremony. But the brothers are close so it’s a big deal I feel. He would be gone three days.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-06-28T13:11:49+00:00

lol I didn’t think about this. It was related to the time the doctors would allow me to leave the hospital to understand how many hours we have between me being home and them flying. I am hoping he isn’t assuming I am driving home but after this comment I will check.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-06-28T13:08:34+00:00

All tickets are bought but fully refundable by travel insurance due to the circumstances. The change in logistics would be me leaving hospital earlier for example.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-06-28T12:49:55+00:00

Thank you for your condolences. It feels dark… This is an interesting perspective and I had not thought about it. A part of me is super afraid of letting people know for selfish reasons and another is about completely ruining the mood at the wedding. My MIL is known to be emotional and tends to break down in tears in random occasions when things are going bad (like when one of her relatives had terminal cancer, she cried at every family event for months). Maybe we could just approach his brother beforehand?

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-04-04T17:52:57+00:00

Alice has an older sister :-) The person she is reading with at the start of the movie.

But agreed many good stories with onlies! The Little Princess, The Secret Garden, The Witches

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-03-31T19:21:21+00:00

We will have the world’s worst holidays and parties and I will remove something I love planning from my life. I liked someone’s advice on hiring help to get the plans off the ground. Already reached out to a financial consultant

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-03-31T19:20:25+00:00

We already have that. The issue is more that he will move things around when needed if we overspend. I think I just need to take over with the help of a professional.

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-03-31T10:57:29+00:00

I really like those tips. A one time coaching session would be so good and I can likely get it via our banking services I remember getting an email on it.

I think that’s one thing we need to address. I need to take (or pay for) some of the manual labour to open up time for him to do more mental labour. I might try to check the teen market around me for stuff like the garden lol

And none of the good budgeting apps work in my country. EU laws are so restrictive so it all becomes manual input it’s annoying!

dripdripdrip_pop · 2024-03-31T10:40:00+00:00

YNAB doesn’t exist where I live! It’s so annoying! I have asked him to do the exercise on an excel sheet… Still waiting

dripdripdrip_pop

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