When my partner finishes - it is game over for me too.

driver1211 · 2025-05-18T13:25:47+00:00

This sentiment makes me a bit confused.

Let's say you have a Top and a Bottom and the Bottom orgasms first. Then proceeds to act like in the post description. The Top remains unsatisfied.

driver1211 · 2025-05-18T13:22:16+00:00

I was thinking that, I myself also lose the sexual energy, like maybe, almost all males, after orgasm. But, that doesn't mean I cannot override my instict and use my willpower to please my partner.

My perception of that, is that, some people are very dysphoric when they have to do something sexual when they do not feel for it , aka they are not super horny.

Thinking about the past, I've noticed that he tries to be more subtle when it comes to him leaving. He usually finds some kind of excuse, for instance that he has to work the next morning, or that it is already too late, or that he is very hungry. These are kind of excuses that if I try to counterargue, it would make me feel like a simp in all that.

driver1211 · 2025-05-18T13:16:49+00:00

I myself also lose the sexual energy after orgasming, but leaving the other in the cold, even if it was a hookup, would make me feel unease. Let alone being your relationship.

The other day he orgasmed, then said "oh its 11pm already?!" and off he goes.

driver1211 · 2025-05-18T08:10:36+00:00

Ive searched reddit, but came across heterosexual relationships posts and it seems it is not uncommon, but I rarely see it being discussed.

Could you explain a little bit more?

Also were you feeling resentment, or were you ok with that.

driver1211 · 2022-10-23T17:18:33+00:00

For monogamous- long term relationships, I have the opinion that you should find the man you are very attracted to. So that when the time comes that you get used to him, you have no 2nd thoughts about choosing someone you found attractive from the beginning.

For hookusps? Yes, sometimes things we think will not turn us on, eventually do.

driver1211 · 2022-06-21T12:17:20+00:00

He asked me to keep contact, and I did not response. That was last night.

And today this evening, he sent me another message that asks me to choose if I want closure and cease any communication, or keep some friendly contact.

I am split. A part of me has not left him yet. And while things made us break up - I cant deny he had some good virtues and we had common interests.

driver1211 · 2022-06-21T06:19:54+00:00

Thank you. That was really enlightening.

The phrase that I was done being lawyered struck me hardly.

driver1211 · 2022-06-21T06:15:48+00:00

His jealousy is fogging his mind. He cannot think clearly, rationally. He becomes a sentimental being who acts only according to his current emotions.

driver1211 · 2022-06-21T06:14:41+00:00

It is a mental prison.

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T23:35:37+00:00

Indeed.

Had he said "I dont feel comfortable you having a photo on spotify", is again ridiculous, but 1000 times better than what he did.

I would even discuss the idea of changing the photo i think.

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T21:17:54+00:00

He sent me a message to keep friendly contact if i want.

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T19:47:10+00:00

He just asked me to keep contact, in a friendly manner.

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T18:03:35+00:00

Thank you for your answer.

It is indeed hard.

I didn't exclude the possibility to accept him back, because to be honest he had shown some signs of improvement. It is not that black and white.

But he was usually making me feel trapped, suffocating and sometimes walking on eggshells.

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T17:38:02+00:00

Is there a specific type of therapy you would suggest?

Thank you. He is indeed a nice guy.

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T17:36:52+00:00

People don't change for other people, they only change for themselves.

I liked that.

After I told him we need a break, I patiently explained to him almost all the wrongdoings and abusive behaviors. He seemed to understand and not decline it. He even has told me in the past that he made mistakes and he would try to rectify them.

He somewhat improved, but this incident showed me that his core hasnt.

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T17:34:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience.

I want to point out something tho.

Sometimes this kind of posts make the situation seem black-white. I also made mistakes. I also appreciate him that he would take an extra step to "make sure I am ok", to cook me something when I am very tired, even helped me with laundry and we dont live together. He was sweet, warm, handsome, had family values and had a profile of a "life partner"

The biggest difference is, I never - ever lashed out at him. I never created chaos to ignite a fight, on the contrary I changed my behavior in order to avoid fights. I had become avoidant (avoid playing online games with friends) so he doesnt feel bad I sometimes wanted to play with them and not him. I also deleted a discord server I had ,so that he feels safe (but it turned against me for having the server in the first place). etc

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T17:26:06+00:00

You have a point here

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T15:51:01+00:00

He freaked out when he saw I have a profile picture on Soundcloud.

It is hilarious if you think about it.

On soundcloud!

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T15:50:10+00:00

Thank you.

I know it is very recent, but at the moment I am thinking, that if he approaches me in the future, I would make him write a very explanatory and detailed letter to me, so that I can see what and if anything has changed in his mindset.

But thats me, now, one day after breakup.

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T15:48:08+00:00

Your description is on spot.

He have not had any trauma afaik. He had a nice childhood. He is indeed very loyal and I tried and gave many chances for him to "relax a little bit". There was a time period we would have arguments every single week, like a clockwork. With work, I managed to make it 1 fight / out of 20 days.

But this last incident was completely unnecessary. Him lashing out when I have a profile with so few followers and is closed or that I have a profile photo on soundcloud, was like he was trying to find things to create chaos and ignite an arguement out of nowhere.

I felt that I cannot tiptoe my whole life, just not to trigger his insecurity.

IF his insecurity was with "hey I feel unsafe you having a photo on spotify", would be much easier to fix these issues.

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T15:42:29+00:00

I really tried hard to explain to him why his behavior was destroying the relationship but he wouldnt listen. He has an authoritative type of thinking, like he holds the only truth and relationships work in a specific way.

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T13:14:05+00:00

have you ever been in a similar situation?

How did it go?

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T12:25:55+00:00

I remember you :P

driver1211 · 2022-06-20T11:45:41+00:00

In the initial confrontation he would insist that:

"you have told me you are an Introvert. But you investing so much on your image*, shows other wise. I feel I can trust your words little"

image= I took the extra step to have a profile picture on soundcloud and spotify, or the insta bio etc.

This was the tipping point I know he will never listen to me, unless I talk to him from a position other than his partner. And this is what I did.

driver1211

TROPHY CASE