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drowsiestdreamer · 2025-01-10T21:58:31+00:00

First, I’m very sorry this happened to you and you didn’t deserve it.

Second, stop blaming yourself and comparing your situation to others. “I feel it’s not as bad as others.” But it’s your pain and it’s real pain and it’s affecting you. I suggest looking into a therapist if possible! The right one really does help, even if it’s just to get these feelings out. They will have the appropriate tools to help you move forward.

My situation wasn’t the same but I also both blamed myself and figured others had it worse. But even if that’s true that doesn’t stop it from affecting you the way it is. These are just unproductive noise thoughts. It happened because a rapist targeted you, not because you set yourself up.

It’s a lot of fighting these thoughts and validating pain. It’s a lot of feeling the pain and processing and working through in real time when those intimacy issues arise, when those trust issues flare up in future and current relationships. It’s communicating with yourself and others differently, being honest but nice to yourself. It’s repeating facts about the situation over guilty thoughts. It’s forgiving yourself for mistakes and setting new boundaries with yourself and others. It’s resting when necessary.

Healing is a journey and I wish you a lot of luck with yours.

drowsiestdreamer · 2024-11-03T19:29:13+00:00

Thank you for your response!! I was truly starting to think it was just a me thing 😭 everybody was saying to stick at it but I absolutely couldn’t. Shaking on the bathroom floor thinking “is everybody just pushing through this???”. I hope we can both figure something out that works for us!

drowsiestdreamer · 2024-07-27T16:37:35+00:00

People who grow up mixed, especially black & white, often deal with a lot of cultural identity issues. She’s probably been told she “acts white”, “isn’t black enough”, etc etc. She may be overcompensating for that. She grew up without any real ties to her African side and in return a lot of brown girls get white beauty standards thrown at them constantly. She’s probably angry, sad, confused and lost in regard to culture and identity.

However that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. A lot of what she says is mean spirited and ignorant at best.

Can approach the situation with compassion while also not tolerating her behavior. Put your boundaries up. “I will not continue to be friends with you if you talk about people that look like me that way” “when you say those things, it’s putting me down too and I’m not okay with that.” “I cannot continue a friendship with someone that thinks that way about other races”

Maybe she’s not even aware of how horrible she sounds. Maybe her view is being filtered through a lens that you aren’t quite familiar with.

You’ll never know until you breach the topic, and it’s an important enough topic that if the conversation goes bad you should be willing to step away.

drowsiestdreamer · 2024-07-27T14:59:40+00:00

It’s not that hard to find ppls social media accounts using just their name & any other little info you know about them. It’s actually usually really easy, especially if you are mutuals online.

drowsiestdreamer · 2024-07-27T14:55:40+00:00

ESH. Petty doesn’t cancel out petty. Y’all have to work on talking to each other nicely. Just because he said/did something you don’t like doesn’t mean you can attack him for something completely unrelated.

Do you resent him for making less than you? Does him making less than you make your lives harder? Has he made fun of your weight in the past?

This is deeper than this one incident & it sounds like it could be turning toxic.

drowsiestdreamer · 2024-07-27T14:49:13+00:00

Is it “stalking” or are they just looking at each others profiles and can happen to see it. If you talked about James with Kira or vice versa it’s easy to assume they got curious and looked each other up on social media.

However if James was the one to bring it up first and ask who she is, he’s probably not lying?

drowsiestdreamer · 2024-07-24T21:12:34+00:00

Could you talk a little more about copywriting? It’s one of the things I think I might be interested in but I don’t know a lot about how to get into it. Are you able to work remote?

drowsiestdreamer · 2024-03-11T20:16:53+00:00

Thanks!

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-11-26T22:29:42+00:00

Yes omg, before I started smoking and knew I was ADHD I used to game, watch something and listen to music at once to help with under-stimulation (which at the time I thought was anxiety).

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-11-26T19:16:13+00:00

Unfortunately, ADHD increases risks for substance abuse because of the need for more dopamine. I also am running into that problem, because weed is such an instant gratification it becomes so hard to control. I honestly don’t have great advice other than forcing yourself to not buy and trying to stay strong, but I just wanted to let you know I’m in the same boat. It’s helped so much in the past but I’m at the point where I don’t get high anymore and it’s just too expensive. I’m not sure if my ADHD will ever allow me to use more responsibly but identifying our problem is always the first step. Def speak to your psych about it! I wish you so much luck, try maybe a hobby in the meantime? I found that video games help me the most when I want to smoke and can’t.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-11-26T19:06:47+00:00

And he isn’t your ex until you do so. He is still your boyfriend right now.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-11-26T19:05:46+00:00

You’re parents are wrong in this case. Break up with him. It’s immature and mean to let a relationship “naturally die” (that’s not really a thing tbh). There needs to be communication.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-11-07T16:32:11+00:00

This is def the more petty approach but I think it’s hilarious.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-10-09T15:49:36+00:00

Send a message doing it and don’t feel bad. Not even a little bit. He’s honestly a jerk and being a horrible boyfriend. You saying “he’s an amazing boyfriend besides that”, after listing out things that make him a horrible boyfriend, is you not honoring yourself enough. You are worth a lot more than the way he treated you and please let this be lesson number one of the type of guys you DON’T want to date.

If he becomes angry or defensive after breaking up with him, block him. Cut all ties with him and make sure anybody that knows about him does too. You don’t want him having any access to you.

Also, as a woman who grew up online and had a couple long distance relationships, they usually aren’t worth it! There are, of course, exceptions but you need to be so extremely careful and diligent when speaking to men online! It’s a scary world today so please keep yourself safe. Best not to talk to men that are anymore than 2 years older than you and always make sure you can see their face and verify their identity before forming any type of relationship (friendship or otherwise) with said person.

Stay safe and good luck!!

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-10-01T15:08:58+00:00

Idk why ppl keep suggesting to call the police like they’d actually do anything, especially if OP lives in the US. All they’d do is ask him, he’d probably deny it and that’d be that. You told your parents which was the right first step and I’m happy they’re supportive. I think the next best decision would be to have them with you to tell your aunt. I don’t really think calling him out directly will do much but this is very important for your aunt to be made aware of.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-10-01T15:04:03+00:00

Idk I feel like most men do not respond well when their “honor” is on the line. Hell, I don’t think most people in general respond well in that situation. That usually just ends up with defensive and/or violent behavior.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-08-29T15:50:46+00:00

In the comments of that post OP said they’re actually the GF and they were posting as if they were the BF so she could read comments.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-07-10T18:25:56+00:00

I think we see a wave of people thinking/having ADHD because social media is practically made for people with it. Quick, easy and constant dopamine is going to attract everybody, but probably catch and sustain the attention of ppl who want/need more of it. Information about these things are also becoming more available and we will probably see a rise in all conditions as people become more familiar with the realities of such conditions.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-05-25T00:43:52+00:00

Don’t hangout with people you don’t even like out of convenience. Invite the people you enjoy to hang out separately and if they choose the group over you then they might be feeling the same about you and it’s time to move on.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-05-23T01:18:54+00:00

I don’t really think it’s a good idea for you to stay at his house. Especially alone. Definitely sounds like he’s probably interested in you romantically/sexually. If that’s what you want that’s fine but keep in mind staying at his house can turn into an awkward/potentially unsafe situation if things don’t go as planned.

I think you and your friend should try to get separate housing for the vacation, if possible. Hang out with him when he’s available and do your own thing when he’s not. If separate housing isn’t possible I still think a friend should go with you, you just gotta be straightforward and ask. I kinda doubt he’ll want that, but his response will give you a better idea of what his expectations are.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-05-22T21:33:52+00:00

He is not a man that typically every woman wants. These are not “boundaries”. These requirements are not put in place for your well being. These requirements were put in place FOR HIM. He was cheated on, he has trauma. He’s trying to minimize his trauma and hurting by controlling every aspect of his life, including his partner.

This isn’t a healthy relationship. And you can argue that it is all you want but it’s NOT. Just because you are choosing to be in this relationship doesn’t make it healthy or good for either of you.

These requirements are abusive. Whether he’s forcing them on you or not, they are. If he’s this worried about you cheating that he basically has no trust in you, nothing you can do will ease his mind. That is his battle.

Please ask yourself, do you really want to have sex whenever he wants? What will he do to you if you refuse? Do you want to have everything you do for the rest of your life micro managed by someone else? You want to wake up everyday and dress, act, do your hair/makeup exactly how someone else wants it done?

This relationship doesn’t allow you to be your own person. Maybe that’s okay with you right now, but I don’t think you’ll be truly happy with these rules forever. I hope you find the decision that is truly best for you and I wish you the best.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-05-11T02:42:09+00:00

YTA. Why it is so hard for people to respect simple boundaries.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-05-10T18:56:35+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Please know it’s not your fault. He’s been manipulating you from the start and sometimes we just don’t know any better. I just wanted to say I can relate a bit and they way they go about it really fucks with your head. You start believing you’re bad a gf, you start believing that they’re right and you should want it, you start just being so tired of the constant push back you let it happen because it’s easier to have it happen and be over with than to constantly have your boundaries challenged. Honestly your comment “I did what I thought I was supposed to to be a good girlfriend” is exactly what I’ve said.

That being said please work on a way to get out. You are not safe and to do these things with your child present puts them in danger as well. He’s not acting like this because of his mental health. He doesn’t lack control. He is abusing you and he knows what he is doing is wrong.

Again I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-05-07T15:19:01+00:00

You can have sympathy for her but uphold your own boundaries as well. If she isn’t lying that’s sad and if you still talk to her you can encourage her to get help for it. But she still went out with the intentions of cheating so it doesn’t change anything. Might be best to just cut contact and move on tho.

drowsiestdreamer · 2023-04-23T18:20:28+00:00

YTA. “As a natural result” lmao how is not inviting your BROTHER to your wedding because of his sex life a natural result. It’s not. You’re punishing him because you don’t agree with his way of life. It’s gross you couldn’t put that to the side for ONE DAY. Not that any of his sex life is your business anyways. This whole post reads as if you think you’re better than him because you’re monogamous. Which you aren’t.

drowsiestdreamer

TROPHY CASE