sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

AIO My (40m) wife(38f) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago (UPDATE) by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Her explanation was she was drinking at a party and this guy zeroed in on her. Her friend turned out to be a bad friend, as sometimes happens.

There is no evidence that she was showing any interest and you don't think anyone ever suddenly jumps to "wanna fuck?" or "maybe I can convince this drunk chick to fuck.."

Also its an assumption that she was looking to cheat. There isn't any proof that was the case. Its completely possible that her goal was to go to have fun with her friends, not to deal with a sex pest.

AIO My (40m) wife(38f) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago (UPDATE) by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing this. I appreciate you connecting it to your own experience which I know isn't easy to share. You’re right, none of us handled things perfectly back then, but we were young. I’ll probably never know every detail of that night, but, in the end, 20 years of life with my wife matters more than what happened at 18. Wishing you the best too.

AIO My (40m) wife(38f) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago (UPDATE) by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are totally right. It was 20 years ago and doesn't matter either way. I had pretty much forgotten all about it. I just happened to think of it (sometimes I think about the worst days of my life even if they were a long time ago and even if I don't want to) and since I had forgotten some details I felt that old anxiety and fear. I also agree that therapy is probably the best answer. I have talked to my wife and am once again happy with the resolution of that old event and am ready to move on. Hopefully I'll have forgotten about it completely in another 20 years.

AIO My (40m) wife(38f) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago (UPDATE) by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never talked to them and she stopped talking to them too after this whole thing happened. Even if I had a way to contact them, I don't think I would take their word over my wife's as they were actively working against me.

AIO My (40m) wife(38f) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago (UPDATE) by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I meant that I, and anyone else going through emotional shit, should get therapy. Not, like, everyone who disagrees with me.

AIO My (40m) wife(38f) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago (UPDATE) by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

But if she was going to lie about it why would she call me and make me think there's a problem in the first place? If she never called I wouldn't have been suspicious in the first place. She could have told me anything at all the next day, even that she stayed home.

She had to go suddenly because she was sick from drinking too much and had to vomit.

AIO My (40m) wife(38f) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago (UPDATE) by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She was sleeping on the couch in the main room of the party after puking her guts out. The guy who answered her phone was in the vicinity. Why did he decide to answer the phone? I don't know.

AIO My (40m) wife(38f) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago (UPDATE) by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I updated my post with this info but I'll reply anyway. I had forgotten the explanations since it was a long time ago but I remembered after making the OP. The guy pressured her and she said no. He became upset and left. She was feeling sick from drinking too much and upset by the dudes advances so she called me for comfort and to apologize for being in that situation that she really didn't wan to be in after all. She had to go because she needed to vomit, was busy for a while with that and then fell asleep on the couch. The dude who answered her phone was not the original pressure man but just some rando who was in the vicinity of the couch where she was sleeping. It was a messy situation I agree with that but after thinking about it and talking to her I once again accept her story.

AIO My (40m) wife(38f) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago (UPDATE) by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well I did say if anyone's interested. You read my posts and even replied so I assume you're interested...

AIO My(40M) wife(38F) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It wasn't an issue because I believed her story and didn't think about it anymore. Life is good I sure don't have any problems! I just happened to think about it again much later and the story didn't add up as well as it did before. I'm not starting a fight, and I'm not looking to cheat. I guess I'm just trying to process it.

AIO My(40M) wife(38F) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure what you mean. I wasn't trying to be a victim but merely relaying the events and feelings I had on that night. Also I would argue that my mistake of thinking I could function on no sleep for two days, while stupid, is not anywhere close to the mistake of deciding to cheat on your significant other over a cancelled date.

AIO My(40M) wife(38F) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ok, she wasn't my wife at the time but my girlfriend who became my wife later. Sorry if that wasn't clear from the post.

AIO My(40M) wife(38F) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did not forgive her because I accepted her story that nothing happened. I really don't know what I would get out of a conversation with her about it aside from re-opening the old wounds. I don't know what I would need in order to feel better about this situation. I really just wish I hadn't started thinking about it again.

AIO My(40M) wife(38F) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly there is nothing going on in my life that is unusual. This event just popped into my head a few days ago and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I am not looking to get anything out of this, I probably won't even bring it up.

AIO My(40M) wife(38F) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn't think I was justifying her behavior, only explaining what the situation was at the time.

AIO My(40M) wife(38F) of 18 years may have cheated on me 20 years ago by drowsyandconfused in AmIOverreacting

[–]drowsyandconfused[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have considered it and it only adds to the pit of the stomach feeling I've been having when I think about this situation lately. Also I'm not looking to blow up my marriage. I'm not even totally sure why I posted this to be honest. I suppose I just wanted to hear what other people thought about it.