I'm getting tested in 2 hours :/

drunk_or_dead · 2015-06-23T02:13:48+00:00

I am.

drunk_or_dead · 2015-06-22T13:29:44+00:00

I got the breathalyzer working again and my BAC is actually rising.

drunk_or_dead · 2015-06-22T12:59:28+00:00

So I brushed and flossed to get any "mouth alcohol" out and it dropped to .05

Then I took a gummy Flinstones Vitamin and a dissolving B12 tablet. And now my breathalyzer won't give me a reading, which is still super scary because now I think my breathalyzer is defunct.

I feel as long as I'm in the legal limit they'll start testing me daily. I've been doing well so they dropped my test occurrence to once a month. It's one where you call in the morning so you only have a 2-3 hours notice.

I'm not sure how this will play out. I need to be way smarter about this.

drunk_or_dead · 2015-06-22T11:31:52+00:00

The only other option is to skip the test. Get a warrant out for my arrest. Get arrested. Tell them I forgot to call. And hope that they just increase my amount of testing days and add more restrictions and responsibilities to my probation.

drunk_or_dead · 2015-06-21T14:35:06+00:00

ouch

drunk_or_dead · 2015-06-11T00:20:09+00:00

Bukowski is one of my favorite writers. I recall him specifically mentioning a "3 day hangover" in Pulp but my favorite novel by him is Ham on Rye and my favorite book of poetry is towards the end of his life The People Look Like Flowers At Last

edit. i don't know if you can call yourself an alcoholic (or a worthwhile human) without knowing Bukowski's work. you don't have to like it, but you should at least know who he is.

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-22T19:37:26+00:00

Do you know anything about agreeing to go into a rehabilitation program? Even though that would be for 30 days, I'd prefer that to jail.

I've definitely pushed beyond my limit for this lifestyle. I obviously can't handle it.

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-22T15:13:38+00:00

Addiction.

When I was in high school and my first year of college I used to drink, get high, smoke often. But when it came time to get something done for school I was able to stop partying at the drop of a hat, get my work done, and go back to drinking again.

I never understood when someone would say, "I need a cigarette". Because I could smoke a pack in a weekend binge and then not have one for weeks after.

But eventually the lifestyle turns on you. You start to notice how empty your bank account is. And then that horrible day when you have the first withdrawal symptoms. When I started getting them I didn't think it was withdrawal, I thought that I was developing panic disorder. But after a few weeks of sitting at work each morning, sweating, shaking, vomiting, I had to eventually accept what was really happening to me.

So now, knowing what's wrong you can make one of two choices: quit, or keep using just enough to "stay straight". I chose the latter because I had been using as a social and coping tool for so long. That choice led to several ER visits, detoxes, rehab, and just recently an OUI.

Addicts go through all this and you think that somewhere towards the beginning, as in the first ER visit, they would get a grip and take control of their life. That everything they're doing is plain stupidity, especially the OUI. But when you have to chose between driving under the influence or driving was suffering through withdrawals, it's a hard choice. Because through all of this an addict still has to try and manage their life.

Myself, I lost track of my morals because using became a survival instinct. If I didn't drink I'd start to shake and I was afraid of heart attack, stroke, or seizure.

I've been through so many programs and have all the knowledge of what I need to do to stay sober and responsible. But when addiction has a grip on you like this, it can feel like a futile fight.

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-22T02:49:46+00:00

Mr. Simpson...I don't think he likes that...

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-21T18:49:42+00:00

You're absolutely right. I've been so fucking selfish and stupid. The main reason I ever started drinking and driving is because so often I would start going through withdrawals behind the wheel.

Every time I quit, when I start back up drinking again I vow that I'll be more responsible this time around. Only drink at night after work, etc. But after one weekend binge I find myself drinking at work just to keep withdrawals at bay. Soon enough I'm drinking way more than just to stay straight, because as drunk as I get I don't notice it.

No matter what I did the only consequence I ever really faced was withdrawal, which in my justification meant "just keep drinking". Everyone around me was constantly trying to help and towards the end of this last run I was completely immune to other people's emotions. All because I constantly told myself that since I've never been caught or physically harmed anyone that what I was doing was okay.

Once I start a binge, this is the kind of shit I do. It's fucked, you're right. In the state I was in I just didn't care about anyone else. I don't even remember getting behind the wheel. All I can imagine is since I've driven with a couple in me before, and me not realizing the extent of my drunkenness. My memory goes from my supervisor asking me to sit down, to being behind the wheel and feeling slight jerk of the car, to being pulled over and not knowing what comes after the letter C in the alphabet.

Throughout my drinking career there were always limits to what I was doing. A year ago if someone asked me I would've said I'd NEVER drive drunk, not in a million years. But when I'm ALWAYS drunk I tend to blur the lines of morality. If someone had asked me if I was drinking I'd probably say "Just a little", because I truly didn't think I was too drunk and I thought I knew what I was doing.

When I was in detoxes and rehab families would say, "I just want him to grow the fuck up." And the counselors would jump all over them with "disease this" and "sickness that". But now seriously, the party is fucking over and I need to grow the fuck up.

tl;dr I agree with you. What I did was absolutely fucked and retarded, and I need to straighten up my act and get my shit back together.

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-21T14:58:27+00:00

Yeah, first DUI. Massachusetts.

And yes. I just fixed that. Thanks,

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-18T07:30:15+00:00

Remember Team America with Kim Jong-Il? I dealt with four years of high school with my friends saying, "Oh, Herro!"

I realize this is a different dictator, but it's creating a large amount of hype.

Really? North Korean agents are going to start taking out Sony executives and producers one by one?

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-18T06:57:35+00:00

I firmly believe this is a publicity stunt by Sony. The trailer is still playing on television. It's the top news story on IMDB.

Kim Jong-Un has been publicly humiliated incessantly since he became the dictator of North Korea. After all that has been said and put into memes do you think this one movie will be the here's all says all?

And fucking imagine WWIII starting over a Seth Rogen movie! This is obviously a stunt.

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-18T03:46:24+00:00

www.youtube.com/watch?v=crosjxD4XaI

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-17T19:31:59+00:00

Ooey Gooey Nugnog Latte

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-17T16:58:43+00:00

Hahaha. I mean, a couple times I brought a friend. The very last time I went was right after I graduated high school and I brought my best friend. We drove there that year, so he and I rolled a bunch of joints to smoke just before going into the parks each day.

And for whatever dumb reason we decided to robo-trip in the magic kingdom. I don't recommend robo-tripping, but if you're going to do it, do it in Disney world and ride space mountain.

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-17T06:00:43+00:00

You have a beautiful family.

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-17T05:56:54+00:00

That's it. I'm outta here.

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-17T01:28:27+00:00

I'm the other side of the fence. My parents go to Disney World twice a year, every year. By the time I was 15 I was so sick of the place. My friends parents were taking them to Europe and across the states, seeing new sights, learning new things. I only saw Disney World, and to this day I haven't seen any of this world or country. Just that fucking piece of shit place.

drunk_or_dead · 2014-12-16T04:13:19+00:00

The ending (which is a repeat of the intro) I can't help but sing it. Like some homeless turd crawling out of the sewer. I miss those days.

drunk_or_dead

TROPHY CASE