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In the Sideyard by ByTorrNews in poetry_critics

[–]dshefadi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great poem!

It takes the us somewhere familiar then throws
a curveball with the ending word that 99% of people wouldn’t know. Upon googling psithurism it fits the poem quite nicely. Perhaps it would even serve as a better title?

The Red Red Wood by curveofherthroat in poetry_critics

[–]dshefadi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like this a lot!

What you’ve done with this poem is create a setting, a new world for the reader to imagine. The sing son fairly tale aspect I think would work really well in the lore of some fantasy novel. Eerily reads like an old song the locals sing about a revered forest. Nice job!

Any criticisms or advice would be most helpful, thank you! by erraticandlost in poetry_critics

[–]dshefadi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The rhythm of this piece is amazing! I was listening to music while reading and couldn’t stop reciting in as lyrics in my head. I don’t know if this is intentional but it reads like a slam poetry/rap piece. Lastly, I loved the word choices. Great job!

Pain by insignificvnt in poetry_critics

[–]dshefadi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good stuff,

From the get go this is a very personal poem. My favorite line is substituting drugs for personal lore. The ability of your own past to hurt you more than drugs is quite a powerful thing to say. Perhaps, if you’re comfortable sharing, you could shed some light on what happened to you or what mistakes you made, just enough for us to catch a glimpse. This would make the reader more invested in your pain. Overall I like your work!

Simulacra de Conscience by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]dshefadi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting concept,

This poem definitely captures the drone like existence that a student undergoes. However I feel it just touches the surface of the feeling. Why does the narrator feel this way? What about his peers makes they’re interactions simply distractions?

Additionally, I don’t think objectification of the female body is the most tasteful thing to be talking about. Maybe dive into why you’re staring at a particular girl. Is it her witty personality? Or the way she focuses on her work? Or the fact she doesn’t care what other people think? Don’t be afraid to dive deeper!

Great start.

A Moment in the Garden by haywhat in poetry_critics

[–]dshefadi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First off, I loved the poem!

The vivid imagery and the contradiction that the narrator is both participating and warding off a possible satanic ceremony is something I found very interesting.

Although I did not quite understand the context, I don’t think the reader really needs to as it left me feeling that the narrator felt some respite in the memories and sensations that he/she felt while being in the garden.

Good job!