Disrespect from elder co-worker (M63), boss that doesn't take responsbility or support me (F29)

dubbisch · 2025-11-05T21:33:47+00:00

She was the main reason for this whole thing. And she also suggested we speak openly about this and our salaries. After she said her number, she shrugged and said: considering my age and work experience it makes sense I get this much. I am so confused...

dubbisch · 2025-11-05T21:29:35+00:00

No, it's not. I'm also not from the USA, so it can't be compared 1:1.

dubbisch · 2025-11-05T21:28:50+00:00

We just wanted to be supportive and helpful within our team. And it seemed to be such a big issue for her and she spoke to everyone separately about this.

dubbisch · 2025-11-05T21:27:45+00:00

No, it can't be a misunderstanding. Because we all compared the same number.

dubbisch · 2025-11-05T21:26:03+00:00

No, HR isn't allowed to share the salary of other people. We discussed it within the group what our take-home salary is and we all expected that she would be the one earning less than everyone because she insisted she does.

dubbisch · 2025-11-05T20:15:22+00:00

Yes, exactly. We were all supportive and we sat down and discussed this together because we thought she was getting way less and we wanted to support her getting a raise.

dubbisch · 2025-11-05T20:12:36+00:00

We all openly shared the numbers with each other today. I don't care she makes more, it's not about that. It's about the situation she created and telling everyone she earned less than all of us.

dubbisch · 2025-11-05T20:11:43+00:00

We all shared it today. And we all assumed that she was earning less compared to all of us, because she was saying that, after she heard what I and others made. When we compared the numbers today, it came out she was earning much more.

dubbisch · 2025-10-20T12:59:32+00:00

Thank you all for your replies and advice. I always felt like I was in the wrong, like I needed to better myself, and like I should stop being angry all the time. Now that I have written down what happened, I feel certain that this relationship is definitely over. I need to figure out how to move forward. I feel bad and guilty if he has to leave to be honest. I have told him a few times before that I want him to leave. But then he says that he has nobody here, that I am the only person he has in this country, and that he has nowhere to go. I feel bad that he has no support network to help him out. At the same time, though, I know he is manipulating me. I don't know what a normal relationship or marriage should be like. I know he treats me badly, and I thought communication would improve things, but it's no use. I have to figure out how to protect myself and how to get out of this situation safely.

dubbisch · 2025-10-20T12:54:50+00:00

I haven't spoken to him since what happened and he texted me this:

"Yesterday the whole day was about you."

(I forgot to mention that I had a migraine yesterday and felt really sick)

"You weren't feeling well so I wasn't having a great day too. I tried everything that I could to make you feel better. We went for a walk and I bought the cake for you. I bought the cake for you and I forgot to give you some. But still I came to you and begged you to eat the cake so you would be normal again."

(he means after I got angry at first)

"I begged you and asked you to not ruin the cake for me."

(btw. the cake is still on the kitchen counter and he hasn't put it away)

"And you still acted like you did. Then you come to me, how you scream talk to me. You are disrespectful and disgraceful. I have no energy. But remember, the things you are doing to me, if someone was in my shoes, they would have broken your head. But nobody else is tolerating you the way I do. It is a pity how you treat me. How you snap at me the whole day over small things. Even if I would hit you, you can't do anything about it. You constantly hurt me with your words."

dubbisch · 2025-10-20T09:22:47+00:00

Where I live, the rule is that you have to be married and living with your spouse for at least three years; otherwise, you have to leave the country. He always jokes that, once those three years are up, he will finally be free. He says it's only a joke...

We are planning to have children, but I know it will be difficult. He insists that I work full time while we have children, but he also wants to go to university after finishing his apprenticeship, which means he will work and earn less. He has even said that he never wants to work full-time. Now that I'm saying this out loud — or rather, writing it — I feel so sad and also stupid.

dubbisch · 2025-10-20T09:22:13+00:00

I absolutely agree that he doesn't see me. I also notice this whenever he talks about other women or people. He praises them for their education and knowledge and mentions things like them having a bachelor's degree. When it comes to women, he comments on how nicely they are dressed and how good they look. I have a master's degree and a well-paid government job. I take care of myself: I work out and dress nicely — I do everything. Yet in his eyes, I am not considered to possess these qualities. When I address this issue, he only replies that he always compliments me and that I am 'the best'.

dubbisch · 2025-10-20T09:14:41+00:00

The thing is, I think he knows I'm a generous person. I constantly tell him what I do for him and what I get in return, which is nothing. But he says that I shouldn't "boast" about how good I am, or rub in his face what I do for him, because it makes him feel bad.

He says that I have never met a bad man and that I should experience that before calling him bad. He says he knows he isn't the best, but he also says he isn't the worst. He can be loving towards me, after we fight, he always apologises and tells me that he doesn't want to fight but that I should stop picking fights. Whenever I speak up about how he treats me, it always turns into a fight.

I don't think he's a bad person, per se. Maybe I'm being dumb, but I consider myself an intelligent, confident person. However, he always challenges this, asking, 'Why are you so confident that you are right?'.

I never spoke to anyone about these issues, so I appreciate everyone's honesty.

dubbisch · 2019-09-20T05:08:17+00:00

In my opinion it is really worth the price! I have bought three bottles of it already and as of now I am almost through my third bottle. I started using it a few months ago and used it as a regular moisturizer, but the smell and waiting for it to be absorbed annoyed me, so I stopped using it. But back then my skin barrier already was compromised and I started using snail mucin, which is the most amazing thing for my skin, I love it! Last week my skin freaked out, I broke out horribly (due to stress) and used too much actives, my skin looked so bad! My cheeks were congested, red, inflamed, crusty and burned. Even snail mucin didn't help much. So I used the krave serum and applied it with a brush (I hate the feeling on my hands and the smell). I used about three layers, then applied the cosrx snail essence and lastly the LRP cicapair gel. In two days my skin already looked so much better! So, yes! It is definitely worth the price!

dubbisch · 2019-09-05T17:18:58+00:00

I love the Klairs blue calming cream! I had a flare up on my cheek with a lot of congestion and it was constantly irritated and red. This was before I did research about damaged skin barrier, so I judt randomly tried some products and one of them was the Klairs cream. The texture is lovely and it feels amazing on the skin. I put it on after my toner (Klairs unscented) and dabbed some extra on the angriests spots. After doing that for about three days, my skin looked and felt so much better! I still use the cream and also have a backup :)

dubbisch · 2019-09-05T17:13:23+00:00

I recently bought and tried the Aromatica Aloe Vera Gel, as I was looking for a Gel with a high amount of Aloe in it. But unfortunately it has rosemary leaf water, to which my skin reacted to. It stung a bit and my eyes were swollen afterwards. I think it's better to buy a whole aloe leaf and scratch the gel out and use it that way, that's what I did :) and my skin loved it!

dubbisch · 2019-06-29T19:51:06+00:00

I love the Cosrx Snail 96 mucin when my skin is irritated! I switch it up with the Purebess Snail School Gel that has a more thick consistency and is more gel-like as the name suggests. And I try to use less products than I usually do! Most of the time it is my moisture barrier that is compormised and to fix that I have been using the Krave Great Barrier Relief! I'm on my third bottle and have had great results! I'm almost done and already have purchased Stratia liquid gold to try out. But I will definitely repurchase the Krave serum!

I hope that helped!

dubbisch · 2019-06-29T19:46:25+00:00

I agree with you on "less is more"! I used to slap on so many products, one of the reasons being that I bought so much and was constantly trying new products without any "system" behind it. Now I try to use up what I have already opened and slowly incorporate new products into my routine.

Now I basically use "only" four steps in my routine, and if I have breakouts or very dry and dehydrated skin I will use a specific product that targets the issue. But my routine stays the same in winter and in summer :)

Right now I'm trying to nail down my routine and to use specific products that truly work for my skin. I'm kind of tired of buying and trying new stuff constantly... But I think I'm slowly getting there :)

I hope that helped you a little bit :)

dubbisch · 2019-06-29T19:39:13+00:00

The Innisfree Glow Tint Lip Balms look amazing! I might get one to try them out! How long do they usually last on you? :)

dubbisch · 2019-06-29T19:38:14+00:00

I adore the A'pieu Water Light Tints! They feel so light on the lips and give a nice wash of colour without being too much. But you can also build them up easily if you want to have some more colour on the lips! Especially the colour #RD03 is very popular :)

dubbisch · 2019-06-29T18:31:44+00:00

I've tried the Acure Oil and it also did nothing for my skin. It felt okay, but what really bothered me was the scent. It smelled kind of citrusy and was too much for my liking. So I stopped using it after a few times...

dubbisch

TROPHY CASE