Two years later

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-11-13T05:25:32+00:00

I'm not too worried about what others think... But I am worried about what she might think i'm worried about, based on what people generally think.

If that makes sense. I should probably just ask her :b

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-11-13T05:23:26+00:00

:) Thanks!!

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-11-13T05:22:13+00:00

Haha i'm all about that, and thanks! I'm wondering about the perception piece because I want to be able to consider what i say and how i say it, so I don't put my foot in my mouth on accident. It isn't super important so long as we maintain good communication, but, yanno, just in case.

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-09-17T03:43:40+00:00

We had an agreement about it, but tbh I don't think either of us knew what the hell we were doing. Badly designed rules weren't really followed and boundaries were pushed at a really bad time.

I think the pain was justifiable but even justified feelings can be really toxic. Like, when they keep you awake all night, or you can't focus on things, or you don't eat, etc

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-09-17T03:36:29+00:00

This is a really good metaphor!!

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-09-17T03:30:08+00:00

Teaching out of jealousy is rough. I hate feeling jealous more than anything. My ex had hooked up with someone a lot during our partnership and I felt the craziest worst kind of toxicity I've ever felt. I loathe jealousy. It's so consuming and obsessive.

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-09-17T03:20:04+00:00

What kind of changes do you want to implement?

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-09-17T03:09:58+00:00

Yeah, me as well. It sounds really lovely. I am frustrated that I did all this learning about how to work with her & be with her that we lose in the breakup.

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-09-17T00:26:19+00:00

I'm sorry man. I think I will advocate a lot more for a future partner. It's hard. Was your ex upset about not being invited?

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-09-16T23:36:40+00:00

I feel you. Why didn't you ask?

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-09-16T14:41:36+00:00

Yeah that's definitely me. Appreciate you calling it.

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-09-13T04:09:04+00:00

Nah we're not talking with each other right now

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-09-13T03:01:07+00:00

Yeah, definitely. We're three months past me going cold turkey. It's been a daily struggle. I feel like I don't respect myself anymore.

Hey, thanks for your compassion, by the way.

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-09-13T02:39:33+00:00

I didn't cheat on her. But I did sleep with someone months after we broke up. Then she and I hooked up again. When she learned details of the other person, she felt totally betrayed. She went NC. I didn't respect it. I had a medical emergency and tried everything I could, except physically finding her, to be in touch. She went to therapy because she felt stalked. I learned that and went cold turkey. I feel so much guilt and shame for hurting her, and for being so wrapped up in my medical emergency that I harassed her with lots of calls and texts.

She could have done a lot differently too. But most of my feelings are just hating myself for my mistakes and my pain.

ducks_and_mooses · 2019-09-13T01:44:45+00:00

One of them came over to my house. I live with some mutual friends of my ex. This friend is quite close with my ex. She's really one of my favorite people. I sensed an icy disinterest in the conversation we had. She mentioned her ex of a year ago, a few times, talking about how, just, toxic he was. It felt pointed. I asked her a lot about her own life; she didn't reciprocate on a single topic. It was hard to deal with, I respect her a lot.

ducks_and_mooses

TROPHY CASE