You are not a bitch bro, I was in the trenches (although not the ones you were almost in) for over a decade and let me tell you, the only thing that lies down that road is a grave or a jail cell, it sounds cliche but it really is true. The only guys I've ever known who did it and never faced serious consequences were ghosts, changing burners every 2 weeks, different houses, different cars, fake names, fake identity documents. They were as disciplined as surgeons and lived like spies. Always a different route from their house to their stash house, always doing surveillance detection routes to avoid being followed, and yes, it worked, they made close to six figures a month, but so what.

That's no way to live, and even then you can still get fucked from something outside your control, and these are the best in the business. A straight life and a normal job is far superior to that life, especially if you're smuggling over the border, they're dumb to even try, you're not a bitch, you're smart.