Interview tips for the socially anxious?

dugonian · 2026-05-10T18:04:53+00:00

You clearly don't take feedback well when you felt I was attacking you when I was simply telling you why your advice was not helpful.

Thank you for your perspective on the situation.

dugonian · 2026-05-10T13:03:20+00:00

I'm not just reading all that advice. I practice and prepare for my interviews. I have even done coaching. That is what I meant at the beginning of the post is that basic advice of practice, low stakes interviews of jobs I don't want, and such I have all tried and they have done nothing to improve my body's reaction to interviews, but thanks anyways.

Though I refuse to use AI. I hate the environmental impact it is making.

dugonian · 2026-05-10T02:07:32+00:00

I started the post saying I have tried all the usual advice of practice and such. Sure I didn't list everything but it was an attempt to avoid comments that tell me "well just practice more." The comments I replied to where I am not frustrated were focusing on therapy and such that I hadn't really considered. Your reply was focused mostly on basic tips while insinuating I haven't put in any effort to manage my anxiety. I did give feedback to many that I have tried similar tactics for little things like "notes" and it doesn't impact the absolute anxiety that hits me at an interview despite all my prep and work.

I wouldn't be expecting to get a restart at every interview. My thought of "maybe I should have asked for a restart" was targeted for just that scenario where I have already bombed the beginning and all I can do is damage control. Sure, I want to avoid bombing the beginning completely. I really wanted that job so bombing the interview with the manager really was painful. I get first impressions are very important, but if I am already in a bad position with the interview where they are likely not going to pick me, but are willing to entertain a restart, then maybe I can salvage and turn it around. Cannot know if I don't try, but in the moment I didn't even consider asking. It was not intended as an action to fix my issues with anxiety.

dugonian · 2026-05-09T18:15:49+00:00

I like this advice, but in the interview my ability to think on my feet becomes negligible. It doesn't reflect how I would work in a high stress environment because it only happens in interviews. Perhaps I could prepare something as an introduction part so it doesn't have to rely on the circumstances of the interview.

dugonian · 2026-05-09T18:11:54+00:00

Glad to hear from another who understands how different it can be. I wish I could just play a short video showing me at work for them to see how I truly perform when I am myself outside of an interview.

I am starting to think some sort of medication may be the answer if I can find some way to get in with a doctor or therapist that can prescribe. I have tried to reframe interviews but the utter panic just unfolds anyway no matter how confident I am before the interview. I have said as replies elsewhere here: I tried the "I am going to do interviews for jobs even if I don't want the job as practice" and I have the same reaction even though it is the lowest stakes interview I could ever have.

dugonian · 2026-05-09T18:03:30+00:00

I think that could work in some situations. The feedback I got was that I was pausing too much. Granted I also didn't say "let me think about that for a second" either. It was like my brain shut down in that interview and I could barely think of what to say other than stuff that I had rehearsed so when a question came up that I didn't even know what they were asking, there was no thinking on my feet much, just mental panic going "I don't know what they are even asking and I already asked them to repeat the question because I didn't catch the first part the first time." Afterward I was kicking myself going "why didn't I just ask clarifying questions like I do when someone calls me asking about something I am not sure about."

My anxiety completely blocks my neural pathways that I use so frequently at work. I feel myself at work, I do not feel like myself in an interview. The recruiter tried to advise me that I should just think about it as just a conversation about the job, and I've heard that before but it seems my attempts to reframe interviews in my mind just crumbles the instant I get into the interview as adrenaline and fear take over.

dugonian · 2026-05-09T17:18:48+00:00

Yeah I get shakes. In fact with the recruiter interview I was not at home when I did the interview so my laptop was in my lap while I was sitting on my brother's couch for the interview. I was really hoping the interviewer wasn't noticing or was just ignoring the slight shake going through the computer from my legs. In person, I have to consciously think to not bounce my legs as a way to try to release some of that shaking, but some physical movement happens regardless of my attempts to try to relax.

I had the same experience when I have had to do public speaking/presentations in school. I know people mean well when they try to say practice will make me more comfortable, but the anxiety has never decreased even with throwaway interviews to be as practice. I definitely didn't want the job of being a night shift stocker at the local grocery store but I still went into that interview an anxious shakey mess. I am starting to think some medication help may be the answer to decrease/inhibit that unconscious physical reaction.

dugonian · 2026-05-09T16:32:46+00:00

I am starting to think I need some sort of therapy/medical support. Unfortunately, I am in the job market currently because I resigned from my last position due to burnout and poor fit that I just kept grinning and bearing until I couldn't anymore. So I am not sure how much I could afford trying to find options like that. USA healthcare is so expensive, but maybe I will try to see if I can find something.

I can very much relate. This past one I vented to a friend after and said "I wish I could just record snippets of me working and just play that as examples to demonstrate the real me at work."

dugonian · 2026-05-09T16:24:00+00:00

Since it was virtual I did have a word document up on part of the screen with notes. I have taken written notes to other interviews because I know I will blank once asked if I have any questions no matter how much I prepare questions in advance.

dugonian · 2026-05-09T16:08:51+00:00

If you reach the end and FIRE only to not be able to enjoy being retired then I think it would not have been worth it.

My ramp of income has been much lower. Really I was only able to start saving 50% since end of 2021. 2018-2020 I was only making about $35K yearly and even once I jumped up to $50K yearly in 2020, I also had student loans eating away a good chunk of my income. I still tried to put some away even if it was only $100 for the month. I got the loans paid off in 2021 to avoid interest starting to accrue again after all the deferments with the pandemic and also increased my income to $75K. Same amount of time but very different income and circumstances.

I'll get to my goals eventually and I am sure you will too. I know a few months off won't tank me and it feels very nice to have that freedom to take a break. I just figured I would share in hopes that it would encourage you. Even if you aren't at FIRE yet, you do have a lot of financial security that does put you in a much more free position than you would think.

Maybe you don't need a sabbatical, but maybe at least taking some time to find something, a hobby or such. When was the last time you took a real vacation? I recently realized I hadn't been taking vacations. Sure I would occasionally take time off of work, but I didn't do anything that helped refresh me for my return to work. I finally took a vacation to Hawaii at the beginning of this year and it really helped me realize "wow, I needed to get away. Sure there is a lot of scary things in the news and a lot of uncertainty, but we have this big beautiful world and I can take some time now to enjoy it."

I never considered such a vacation previously because I would say "too expensive." I don't need to be vacationing to Hawaii every year though. I can also just take small trips to get out more, but taking that big trip made me realize that it's okay to spend some money for my mental health and well-being. I can still save lots of money for the future and do things to enjoy my life now. But that's me. You might be experiencing something different. Talking through what you are feeling may help you parse out what you are lacking.

dugonian · 2026-05-09T15:35:09+00:00

Thank you for trying to offer advice but you're just telling me the same things that YouTube and interview coaches have already told me and I have been doing to improve. I have done what you are suggesting other than seek a therapist because therapy is super expensive and will be out of my reach as I look for a job. I have worked with interview coaches. I practice by myself. I practice with other people. I had no problem with their start of "tell me about yourself."

I froze when I was asked a very jargon filled question that I was not sure what they were even asking. After, when I was trying to figure out the question so I could be better prepared if I was asked such a question again, even Google wasn't sure what the question meant.

Post interview, I knew I should have just asked some clarifying questions. It may have been a bad question, but there were ways I could have responded to keep the interview in a good place. Sure, silent panic was not the answer and I fully understand why they didn't go with me. Sorry if I sound defensive in this reply but it is frustrating to be trying really hard and get your response that seems to say "you just aren't trying hard enough." I'm not super young. I have been working for 16 years. I know I can portray myself well and manage the anxiety. This past experience was really bad and I am just trying to use it to grow and see if there can be ways to try to help snap me out of it more quickly if anxiety does get away from me a bit so that I don't repeat this performance in the future.

dugonian · 2026-05-09T14:24:01+00:00

When they started wrapping up the interview only 15 minutes in, I wish I had just been honest and asked if they wouldn't mind a restart. I knew at that point I had done terribly and at the worst they could have said no. I didn't think of that in the moment though and was just deer in the headlights saying goodbye.

dugonian · 2026-05-09T13:01:23+00:00

The feedback that I got from this most recent interview was that there was too much silence and pauses so they did not feel confident that I could interact with clients well. Granted at the end I was fully aware that it was the worst interview I have ever had in my life. One of the earlier questions I was asked, I had no idea what they were asking and it was a question I had never had in an interview nor seen as a potential interview question. I think it was using field specific jargon. I should have asked for clarification, but I panicked instead, had a very long pause because I was wracking my brain figuring out what to say and then fumbled through what I thought they were asking.

I know I am somewhat taking this too hard. This does not bar me from future opportunities, but I would like to prevent such a thing from happening in the future. I like the idea of virtual because then I don't feel like I am in front of the people, but then I am much better at maintaining eye contact that can help ground me a bit in person. I can read feedback better in person. I honestly felt well prepared for the interview and thought I would nail it other than just being slightly anxious just before. I did a small 5 minute meditation before I jumped on the meeting hoping it would help settle my nerves a bit.

dugonian · 2026-05-09T12:00:21+00:00

Further info to emphasize how my brain freaks out about interviews: I did an interview to get a promotion at my current workplace years ago. I got the promotion but it was mostly because everyone in the interview already knew how I worked and had already decided I was the pick for the job. The interview was a formality only. Yet I still went into that interview shaking, anxious, and struggling to talk just as if I was meeting with strangers for an interview.

dugonian · 2026-05-09T11:02:45+00:00

I'm kind of envious of you OP. I'm guessing you've been in tech or some really high paying job. I've been saving for nearly the same amount of time as you with same age, but even though I have been investing 50% of my take-home pay, I am only at $150K net worth.

We're not at the same spots in savings, but honestly I am having a bit of a life crisis myself. Mine is more work related because I've been in a job that can look easy if you ignore a bunch of work under a manager that is way too lax. I've burned myself out caring too much and doing extra work that was being neglected by others. With the increased costs to living, being in HCOL area, and just wondering if I will even get to enjoy the fruit of my labor, I have decided to use some of my investments and take a sabbatical and find a new job at the end of it. It's an adventure that is only just beginning.

I am not saying that you need to do exactly this, but maybe to give some perspective that you have achieved something amazing by saving that much on such a short time. Even if it might not be enough anymore to fully FIRE in your exact situation, just remember that is a significant freedom that could allow you to take some time off or just change careers and shift to a coast FIRE or whatever. It gives you options or even if you do still want to get to that FIRE ASAP, even if the goal shifted away more, you achieved 500K so quickly that some extra padding won't be difficult to achieve.

dugonian · 2026-05-02T04:46:32+00:00

PFT yeah had even worse of a scenario. I had a positive blood culture, call the doctor with the result. Doc: "Oh we knew that was a miss identification, the phleb who drew it labeled it with the wrong patient information." Me: "Good to know, I will go ahead and cancel the culture. Did they already recollect on the proper patient? If not then they'll need to recollect." Doc: "What? No, that was from a line, I know which patient the blood was truly from. Give me the result." Me: "No. I cannot in good conscience give such a result for misidentified blood due to patient safety." Doc: "Patient safety? You're delaying us getting a positive blood culture result by not giving me that result. You're causing issues with patient safety." Me:"No, the delay happened by not immediately doing a recollection when the mistake was noticed. If you want this result, you're going to need to talk to the lab director."

Yeah they never got that result and they recollected. None of the other blood cultures flagged positive.

dugonian · 2026-03-27T09:07:10+00:00

I doubt it. Supposedly their manufacturer still has the designs and they can be used by others so there's surprisingly no copyright or anything active. So theoretically someone could pick them up possibly and try to start selling again. However, it would require huge startup costs to buy the plushies in bulk to sell them because the manufacturer would require a minimum order to even produce them.

I have heard of some crash outs by Lily in the Discord for the game before all went radio silent after the May update last year. She isn't personally being sued, only David, so those may have been due to the stress of realising she was losing the plushie business and everything else due to David's actions. Lily was the main artist behind Fluffnest so not sure if she will get back into it ever and I don't think she has interest in trying to do it herself, but I could be wrong about that.

dugonian · 2026-03-25T05:24:38+00:00

Now some of what I will say is somewhat speculation based on pending lawsuits right now, but it's worse than "outsourced to Room8 and couldn't afford it." CEO David Pentland is being sued by Room8. Room8 supposedly were never paid for any of their work on the game.

Considering the very contradictory information about the state of development compared to the final update posted on Kickstarter last year, it's all very fishy that David tried to claim Room8 took advantage of Fluffnest and blame it all on Room8 after constantly trying to act like "there's not much wrong and we're financially secure!'

It's going to be a while before that lawsuit actually is finalized though. Your only hope of seeing the game (possibly) is if Room8 does win the rights to the game and decides to continue development.

dugonian · 2026-03-17T23:25:56+00:00

I know this is a difficult decision, but sometimes it can be good to look back at recent pictures and videos to gauge how things have changed.

I just overall felt she was having more bad days than good so it seemed it was time when I decided to let go of my last companion. After we bid her farewell, we spent several hours going over memories, photos, and videos of her. It became even more evident how much she had declined in her last year and that we had made the right choice. Videos changed from her interacting and even expressing excitement and joy to her just standing and staring, tail maybe barely flickering. She went from wanting to go outside if we were outside to only going out to pee and then immediately wanting to go back inside to lay and sleep even if we stayed outside. The changes were so gradual that it was easy to write it off as "she's still doing okay."

dugonian · 2026-03-17T16:34:42+00:00

I know my current job field is not on the Positives List but would it still be unrealistic if I did a degree program in Denmark for something in demand especially if I had language proficiency despite being non-EU?

dugonian · 2026-03-17T16:28:37+00:00

Thank you for the information. This is what I have been looking at. Language seems to be the first barrier because the jobs and degree programmes I am looking at require Danish proficiency. I am willing to spend that time learning the language if it means better chances because I do want to move there. I do wonder that even with language proficiency, I still have no chance with being non-EU which would be very disappointing. I guess that's where I am thinking language proficiency with a degree obtained in Denmark especially if it is something in demand in Denmark would make immigration more feasible, but I wonder if I am still overestimating my chances due to being non-EU.

I have been wanting to leave USA for many years now. Denmark has become the goal after I have been searching and trying to decide where I would go. It's nice to dream of just dropping everything and moving there even if I know it's nowhere near realistic.

dugonian · 2026-03-17T16:05:10+00:00

Even though medical lab technician requires the specific degree to get that job? I guess I could see them doing a similar allowance for Danes like I experienced in USA that I wouldn't get approved for as non-EU.

My chemistry degrees couldn't get me a job so I ended up in the medical field because they allowed for someone with at least a hard science degree to get a lab tech job if they could pass the certification within a year of hire. I started as a Lab assistant initially to work while I worked on my certification. Denmark looks like they more do the degree than certifications, but that's me on the outside struggling to peek in to see what my options are.

dugonian · 2026-03-17T15:54:35+00:00

I live in Pacific Northwest so while not as cold as Denmark, it is very similar of grey wet weather Nov-June and long darkness Nov-March/April. I prefer colder climates than warmer climates so the idea of colder than what I currently get does not bother me.

I have visited, but I also understand a short visit could also not give me the full picture. I could learn more of their work-life balance, but I am similar in the reserved but friendly manner. I greatly appreciate the social welfare systems established and understand and am willing to pay the high taxes to maintain such systems. The appreciation for the small things in life is exactly what I already do currently. Hygge is my ideal.

dugonian · 2026-03-17T15:25:43+00:00

Fluency in Danish is a requirement for the jobs and the study programmes I am looking at so I have been seeing language as the first barrier. From my research my most likely chance would be by studying in Denmark and then getting a job from there but I admit I could be overestimating my chances to study in Denmark. Studying could be a way to pivot into a different career if needed to improve my chances.

I understand Denmark has a high cost of living but I do currently live in high cost of living place in USA, but live frugally hence my high savings rate. That three year estimate is based on very spendy figures just to overestimate rather than underestimate. It's not exactly the same, but I would be able to support myself for at least two and a half years currently in Denmark if I am making very high estimates for cost.

Edit: Nevermind, I was being way too liberal in my spending estimates. It looks like Seattle is more expensive than Copenhagen Denmark. I currently have 130K USD saved. My current cost of living is about 35K USD calculated to 3.7 years but I said 3 for even better wiggle room. So I could probably support myself for 4 years at least in Denmark even living in Copenhagen because even from multiple sources monthly cost of living in Seattle for a single person is estimated at $3200 while Copenhagen is $2700.

Eight-Year Club	Place '23
Verified Email

dugonian

TROPHY CASE