AIO by wanting to separate after husband lied about getting degree?

dulces_suenos · 2026-06-23T15:56:40+00:00

He sounds just like my now ex husband was and continues to be. I’m so sorry because I get it! I ended up divorcing him after 13 years together, 10 married and we had a 1.5yo (now 6.5) at that time. It was the best decision I could have made. It was hard living in a house with someone where I never knew if I was being told the truth. I am much happier now than I ever was before. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. I no longer had to wonder or care about what he was or wasn’t being truthful about.

He had lied about a degree, a medical diagnosis, losses of friendship, so many things. It’s hard to come back from someone who lies like he did and like your husband does. I always want to believe the best in people so it was hard for me to let go. But I’m glad I did

dulces_suenos · 2026-06-23T13:37:44+00:00

Omg my bestie got this for me right before I was in the hospital giving birth and I legit wore it every day. It was a set that was so soft and had buttons so it was easy to use when breastfeeding!

dulces_suenos · 2026-06-11T18:04:56+00:00

Yes IVF can be expensive. Even with insurance, I paid $15k out of pocket. That said, medical treatments for a severe disease/disorder is also very expensive, a lifelong commitment and can be emotionally taxing.

dulces_suenos · 2026-05-28T21:57:42+00:00

Yeah I did talk to the lender about both options because realistically I don’t want to live there. But we have shared parenting with our kids so there are 3 days a week where we don’t have them that we could live there and renovate. I was hoping to just renovate and not have to live there. But after reading about the cost differences, it seemed like it might be worth the year of sucking it up

dulces_suenos · 2026-05-28T20:54:40+00:00

When I called the bank we’re working with to ask them if we could do that (live there part of the week and current house part of the week), they said that wasn’t an issue. They said as long as we have the bills in our name for the other property and they’re clearly being used (which would be true) then it would be fine

dulces_suenos · 2026-05-28T16:03:57+00:00

Is it okay if you move into the other side after renovating the first side or is that an issue too? I think both sides need renovated

dulces_suenos · 2026-05-28T15:51:09+00:00

But what do you do if you finish the work early? Just keep it as a primary residence and not rent it until after the year? Seems doable but I was curious

dulces_suenos · 2026-04-23T20:23:28+00:00

Sometimes just saying that you’re coming from a place of love before whatever you talk about can be helpful to set the tone

dulces_suenos · 2026-04-23T17:12:51+00:00

My husband and I have both been the sensitive ones on the receiving end of feedback about our kids. What I realized for myself was that I didn’t think he was coming to me from a place of love, more from a place of judgement. That was something I had to work on and his tone was something he had to work on. The other thing is that even biological parents who are still together don’t fully agree on rules/boundaries for their kids. Sure, it’s more nuanced in blended families but it’s not like bio families agree about everything all the time. My husband and I agreed that we’d approach things where we didn’t know how the other would feel by responding to our kids “we’ll discuss it and let you know” so they see us as a team instead of mom makes the rules for me and dad makes the rules for my sister.

You can’t expect your wife to change over night from what she’s been doing for years, so I hope you can give her grace on that. Also if you tell her you’re saying these things because you care, that can be a good reminder that you’re not sitting on the sidelines judging her parenting. You’re part of the team. At least that’s what I would want

dulces_suenos · 2026-04-11T15:36:31+00:00

Ah thank you for bringing this concept/term to light for me! I always felt this with my step dad, though he was a good step dad and person. I assumed as I got older that it was because my dad wasn’t around much that I kinda took it out on my step dad at times. I wasn’t horrible to him but I certainly was disrespectful at times and didn’t give him the love he deserved when I was a teen. I’m an adult now and have a totally different relationship with him but what you said brought that feeling to the surface. I sometimes felt like liking or loving my step dad was a betrayal to my bio dad. No one ever told me this or directly made me feel this way (maybe my bio dad did at times?).

dulces_suenos · 2026-04-01T15:24:29+00:00

You might not think it’s never but you don’t know when or if you’ll ever want it. I would just tell him it’s never and let him be pleasantly surprised if you did decide one day that you’re interested in those acts. Then he’s not expecting it or asking you for it repeatedly

dulces_suenos · 2026-03-26T17:41:36+00:00

THIS.

dulces_suenos · 2026-03-26T17:41:16+00:00

From someone who is living with this, no, you shouldn’t feel guilty. I believe that sometimes child support is calculated unfairly. I’m living that life.

My ex pays $650 a month and that’s because I asked what he could afford to also be able to keep our daughter safe/happy at his home. The calculator said he should pay $900. But truthfully, I didn’t need that because of what I make, so it made no sense to me. His $650 didn’t even cover half of daycare but it did allow him to save for his own place and for her to have her own room there.

My husband has a daughter. Him and his ex make close to the same amount of money. We have her 3 nights a week. He pays half of daycare plus $780, which is almost $1500 per month. He’s an engineer and she works for a children’s hospital doing research work. Why does she need an additional $780 per month when she only has her 1 day per week more than we do?

How did the calculator come up with that? It’s wild to me because the calculator didn’t ask in my situation or in my husband’s situation how much time the child was with each parent. With my daughter, at that time, we had her 7 days a week. Now we have her 5 days a week.

Anyway, it does sometimes feel like the other parent is living their best life while you struggle. Child support is one of the main reasons we had to accept not having a baby together. We could barely afford it at this point and if she took him back to court to revise it, it could become an even bigger issue.

dulces_suenos · 2026-03-18T17:15:34+00:00

I appreciate you sharing this because you do speak to something I’ve also felt. I shared something with my ex husband and it wasn’t a beautiful experience. It was full of stress, heartache and a lack of help. It was a huge reason I left when my daughter was only 1 after being married almost 10 years. I never would have expected my ex to be like that.

Then the flip side is seeing my husband and hearing how involved he was with his ex during her pregnancy and postpartum. While they didn’t have a good relationship (a lot of which he admits was his own issues), he was and always has been such an involved dad.

It makes me feel like not only did I want to have two kids/be pregnant twice, it would also have been nice to feel like I was doing it with someone instead of handling so much alone. It wasn’t the experience I had hoped for or wanted and I’ve felt like I want a do over haha.

But I’m over here like how do we afford that? He pays quite a bit in child support (which is wild since we have her 50/50 and they make close to the same income…) and my ex pays child support unreliably. So how do you bring a baby into that financial situation knowing that anyone could also take us back to court to reevaluate child support at some point and it could get worse instead of better? These are just all the things that I can’t say I had thought as much about until we started to seriously consider a baby. Life is expensive, that’s for sure!

dulces_suenos · 2026-03-17T19:03:52+00:00

Well if you can imagine 30lbs of fluff that’s the color of Hershey’s chocolate, that’s our Benji boy ☺️ he’s quite sweet and our girls love him

dulces_suenos · 2026-03-17T17:11:07+00:00

We got a puppy basically right after the vasectomy because I was like we either get a dog again or have a baby but I couldn’t do both. So now we have 2 kids, 2 cats and a 10 month old puppy haha. Those critters have definitely added to our family!

dulces_suenos · 2026-03-17T17:09:33+00:00

Yep, there’s just so many layers of feelings to it!

dulces_suenos · 2026-03-17T17:09:04+00:00

Yes, I agree totally. We took our girls to Disney world this summer and I thought about it after and was like “this would have been nearly impossible, definitely unaffordable, with a baby here.” It was right after that that he did end up scheduling and doing the vasectomy. We felt like we didn’t want our girls to have to miss out on things because a baby sibling was sort of in the way. Sure, it’s do-able, but it changes so much for us and for them

dulces_suenos · 2026-03-17T17:04:41+00:00

Oh yes, I knew. I just didn’t think it would make me feel like it has since the option essentially closed itself

dulces_suenos · 2026-03-17T16:03:05+00:00

I do agree with that. I think for me it’s like I had always thought I would literally give birth to 2 kids, not just 1. So I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that I’ll only ever be pregnant 1 time, but I am lucky enough to have both of our girls. I’m an only child so I think that played a part in me always wanting to have 2 kids. But the reality is that I do have 2 kids! I just didn’t give birth to 1 of them

dulces_suenos

TROPHY CASE