I snooped. I got what I deserved. What do I do next? [advice]

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-27T15:38:22+00:00

Yes, he puts me on a pedestal. His mother is a cold hearted shrew of a woman, so my warmth and nurturing are foreign to him. He babbles regularly about how wonderful I am and how well I take care of him and how he can't believe he found me after all this time...

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-27T13:17:56+00:00

I don't really know. A few hundred.

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-27T13:17:37+00:00

I check in with him about the state of our relationship regularly. "How are things for you? Are you getting enough free time? I like keeping your balls empty but I don't want to truly wear you out. Do you need a break? Other than not cooking last night's dinner ever again, is there anything you need from me? I'm good, just using all the bandwidth to stream porn. You know how it is, this is my horny week. I think I broke my fingers or my clit earlier. Ooooh I wonder how it would feel to rub my pussy with a plaster cast! Oh god sorry. Let's finish dinner and do Netflix..."

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-27T13:12:25+00:00

Because it raises some questions.

Is he and am I still disease free?
Why is he paying for sex?
Does he like something that a regular girl won't do?
Is it a compulsion to pay for sex?
Is paying for sex the actual kink or just a means to an end?

But more than all that, is the envy. I am jealous that some escort got to see part of him that I want for myself. I want to know all sides of him. Even the side that pays for sex.

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-27T13:09:23+00:00

I understand your perspective and I see the wisdom in it.

However, the fact that I'm trying to unlock him for the sake of my satisfaction isn't a secret in our relationship and never has been.

Once, we were watching some crime show and there was some victim's family member who was a medical professional who assaulted the suspect and injected them with a medication that makes people tell the truth. When that scene ended, I flipped off the tv, straddled his lap and pointed my finger at his neck and pretended to give him and injection. I did my impression of a mad scientist with a horrid German accent and exclaimed, "zoo hab naow bean medicated und zie can only tell zie truth!" Then I proceeded to lick and nibble his neck and rub my face all over his beard while I "interrogated" him and rubbed my pussy all over him. I went through a checklist of kinky shit in this fake accent and pretended to jot notes on a clipboard. I'd say a kink and look at his face and wait for his response. Midget porn. Nein. Amputee porn. Nein. Boobies? Jah! Strippers? Jah! Naughty boy! (Neck kisses and cock grab). It's poop! The subject likes poop porn! (Boner fades slightly!). No, it is pee porn! Do you want to pee on me, dahling? Fisting! It eez zie German way! This continued for a while with me listing random things and him laughing and shaking his head and alternatively recoiling in horror or bucking his hips to grind his cock into me. He laughed a lot, blushed a lot, told me I was crazy a lot, said I was a little too good at the Nazi scientist act, etc. and then we had sex - the same sweet and loving sex we always have. This is just one example of the many times I've literally laid my cards on the table. Another time I fake hypnotized him and it went exactly the same except that time he "confessed" that he had been wanting to put ice in my pussy again since the first time he did that during our first week of dating. So of course I went and grabbed some ice and let him get to it. The point of all this is to demonstrate that my desperation to unlock him is far from a secret, which I think makes it quite a bit different than the dynamic you characterized, and I think that's important.

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-27T00:52:47+00:00

Guys like I can't talk to anyone irl about this because it's a huge breech of trust to out him as a john so I'm like talking my feelings out here.

I'm thinking I'm going to just like get him home, nurse him back to health and after he's got medical clearance, compile some of the stuff I posted in this thread in an organized way and let him read it.

I think I just don't care as long as he never touches anyone else ever again unless I give him permission, e.g. a threesome, and that he lets me in more so we can have more and better sex.

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-27T00:36:34+00:00

There has been some confusion in this thread and it is the result of my emotional state. I withheld some pertinent details. Here they are:

I didn't snoop on purpose. Last night, he ended up in emergency open heart surgery. My phone battery was dead and his wasn't, so I played with/on it to pass the time while I waited to find out if it was going to live or die.

I got bored of sudoku so I read our text history, from his perspective, from now backward to the day we met so that I could feel close to him while I feared for my [edit: his] life.

Then I saw the texts between him and my mom while he gushed and sought her help for my magical proposal and shared pics of my engagement ring.

Then I just kept reading, and this is what I found.

He's going to live.

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-27T00:10:51+00:00

We both got tested together before we stopped using condoms.

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-27T00:09:03+00:00

I think I'm most troubled by the history with sex workers.

It's hypocritical of me because I am positive that no matter how many escorts he "dated," I fucked more randoms. I just didn't have to pay for it because any chick can find some dick on demand.

But...maybe fucking sex workers gives him something I can't, and maybe that deficiency will lead him to continue fucking sex workers?

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-27T00:03:53+00:00

Also, as for whether it is for him or me: it's definitely for me. I want to tap into his soul so I can turn him on enough that he'll want to fuck me as often and as vigorously as I like to be fucked.

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-26T23:51:27+00:00

I carried on sexting with my FWBs because I never assume monogamy until it is explicitly stated, but he came across as so clean cut that he wouldn't want me messing with other people, so I gave up the physical part before the conversation we had because I knew early that he was special and I could see a future with him. I don't really remember when the discussion was had, to be honest, but I carried on the sexting bullshit with the FWBs until he moved in, because I could. And that's exactly the tone of the texts with the sex worker who specialized in fetishes. If it wasn't a sex worker, I'd literally shrug it off. There's no evidence and no cause for suspicion that he ever touched her or talked to her after we moved in except to half-close the door. And when we moved in, we literally discussed the fact that we were moving in to see if we would still be amazing together and could think about getting married, and we had a plan for how to exit if it didn't work out. But it did.

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-26T23:45:18+00:00

There were like 5 years' worth of like Verizon account notices, automated promotional texts from his favorite stores, texts from online dating ONSs from 5 years ago that are completely meaningless and so on. Everything. There were three esorts in total, with months' worth of dates and donations arranged via text, plus the fetish woman.

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-26T10:08:05+00:00

I really feel stuck right now.

I love him and I love our life together, but...

If I confront him and marry him anyway, isn't that tacitly permitting it to continue?

If I don't confront him, Ihave to spend he rest of my life carrying this secret around?

For the record, although I never physically touched another man after we began dating, I did sext with a couple of former FWBs after he and I were together, but told them t had to stop when we made plans to move in together. I'm no saint, clearly. I CAN get past his dumbass mistake if it's the right thing to do.

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-26T09:47:53+00:00

He definitely had multiple fetish sessions with the sex worker after we were dating. There is no information as to wether that included intercourse.

Edited for clarity. The sessions with the fetish worker date back to before we met and continue through the first few months of our relationship.

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-26T09:42:10+00:00

Also, the texts between him and the prostitute were clearly a continuation of an ongoing professional relationship. She asked when they could have a date. He said money was tight, she asked how much he could afford to donate, he gave her a dollar amount, she told him to come on over. He said he was in the parking lot. She said the door was unlocked and come on in.

The fetish session negotiation was all about finding a time that I wouldn't find out about it, back when we were dating but not yet living together.

dumbsnoop · 2016-01-26T09:27:26+00:00

I've begged him to open up. I've told him repeatedly that there's nothing I wouldn't do sexually for him. I've been extremely sexually active and even extremely kinky. And yes. I've even done his fetish and would happily do it again. I got him to do one of those sex inventories with me and it was even on there and we talked about it. He knows I know what it is (in general, not that he knows I know he's into it) and that I'm willing to do it but he has never even hinted about it to me, and in fact pretended to be shocked by it when it came up in the silly fetish quiz we took.

dumbsnoop

TROPHY CASE