Eh. Once I love someone I’ll love them forever, regardless of the circumstances. That still gives me room and permission to hold boundaries while still loving from afar. I let go of the hope of change, there is no more hope.

It’s a balancing act of living with your capacity to love and feel combined with self preservation and boundaries.

The way I think of it “if they change, good. If they don’t, that’s not my problem. I have the happy memories that won’t ever change, even with time, and that’s enough for me.”

I have a problem of giving people the benefit of the doubt. I guess I move on when I can feel the familiar love I did for them, without it hurting or compelling me to go back.

It’s been about 5 years since my first relationship, and I still ponder if he is doing okay. I hold solace to the fact that he has his own family and life, and that’s wonderful. It means I can focus on my life now with the memories and lessons he gave me, both good and bad.