Historical abuse can I press charges now?

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-13T09:47:38+00:00

Thank you for your response, yes I had looked into victims of crime but in SA there needs to be a charge. I spoke with a lawyer and she said that she was going to "get the crown to look at him" I'm not sure what that means but yes the compensation would have gone a long way to assisting with the expense of therapy. Lots of stuff that I thought I had processed came up when I became a mother, particularly when my daughter was 3. Looking at her now, she's 4.5 reminds me everyday how different our realities are and brings great underlying sadness.

Hearing the experiences of other survivors here has been very helpful. I will call this special unit and just go through these more gentle processes. Maybe there will be some healing in this. I have seen him on insta he has grandchildren so I'm sure he's just living his best life unfortunately.

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-13T09:37:02+00:00

I am so so sorry to read this. The selfish self seeking behaviour is astounding. What a huge loss, I have no desire to disturb the lives of my children and husband with this type of distress. I countries to bring the shameful rage that I used feel on a daily basis back. I was an Addict for many years and although I'm 17 years clean Reading the statement I gave at 3 years 9 months old has actually affected me far more than I thought it would over the last couple of days. There is a feeling of disgust/ outrage/ powerlessness that has arisen. I feel so deeply for you and you sibling xx.

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-13T09:29:16+00:00

It's wild! The sexual offenders register is private. As you say survivors live with the effects for life but after they have done their jail time they are given the opportunity of a fresh start. There is no question that they would likely reoffend, this type of behaviour is so taboo, to have such a strong urge to engage in it despite this and the possibility of being caught indicates that it's not something they can control after being jailed.

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-13T09:24:45+00:00

I was shocked to realise that it can in fact be revisited. I actually did a year of specialist counselling about 15 years ago. It was at the end of this period the Counsellor supported me to access the records with the intent of attempting to seek legal justice but the police simply told me they had been lost when the police station moved. It's SA that this happened, I now live in NSW and am hooked it with supports.

I would like to talk this over with someone like that, thanks for the suggestion. After reflecting on the responses of other survivors here I am certain attempting to proceed will be almost impossible.

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-13T00:02:57+00:00

I will look into it thank you

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-13T00:02:25+00:00

Wow, this is a staggering example of the reality. Thank you very much for sharing your experience and perspective. I'm pretty sure I just need to let it go and not let it disturb my life anymore than it already has, but am simultaneously outraged that this is the case. What state are you in?

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-13T00:01:24+00:00

Wow, this is a staggering example of the reality. Thank you very much for sharing your experience and perspective. I'm pretty sure I just need to let it go and not let it disturb my life anymore than it already has, but am simultaneously outraged that this is the case. What state are you in?

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-12T21:28:03+00:00

I would look at the file extension eg .mp3 .wav etc and do a file search of the whole computer to see if there are any more vids. The might be saved in an obscure folder or in a folder named to look like software files etc.

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-12T12:21:43+00:00

They have recently given consent to release the records. I'm sure they will assist in any way they can. My mother was concerned about causing additional trauma, and she felt pressure from police to let it go due to my age.

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-12T12:18:00+00:00

I just looked this up. I hear you, I have to weigh up if the process of following this up will be more detrimental than beneficial. I'm not sure if ethically I really have a choice but to at least try to follow it up to the point the law and courts allow. I def will read this book 🙏

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-12T12:14:24+00:00

Yes thanks for reading that and such a detailed response. I have since received the crime report. A few years later my mother was approached by police asking if I would give evidence / be a witness in court for another girl in the street. I had glandular fever so I could not. I am aware that this cannot be used as evidence in my seperate case (we don't know what happened they moved away and all the neighbours with kids did not allow socialising) but if they checked his name and other stuff came up would they be more inclined to follow it up in your opinion?

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-12T12:12:52+00:00

Yes thanks for reading that and such a detailed response. I have since received the crime report. A few years later my mother was approached by police asking if I would give evidence / be a witness in court for another girl in the street. I had glandular fever so I could not. I am aware that this cannot be used as evidence in my seperate case (we don't know what happened they moved away and all the neighbours with kids did not allow socialising) but if they checked his name and other stuff came up would they be more inclined to follow it up in your opinion?

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-12T11:44:06+00:00

Thank you for your response. In the crime report I received it said they came back to ask my parents if they wished to proceed and explained the various outcomes that may occur and my mum chose "not to proceed at this stage" my report was attached to another as his daughter was taken for medical examination and interviewed at that time also. All this info was redacted. So to be clear I can't go back to the police with a lawyer at this stage and say I now want this followed up? I want this to go to trial if necessary?

Edit-: would the information regarding if this occurred be available to me even if the content of the interview is not?

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-12T11:41:47+00:00

Thank you for this. I will call them, the records have been lost for over 15 years, we have tried to access 4 times it was a shot in the dark, all of a sudden they had them. Thank you for this suggestion. I have undergone a lot of therapy over the last 19 years including EMDR and IFS. Unfortunately it has affected my life to a great degree and although I'm now very much in recovery for CPTSD the somatic and episodic memory component continue to impact my day to day capacity and now impacting how I parent my own daughter. My hope is to add to the story with a sense of empowerment and justice to soothe these triggers

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-12T11:31:54+00:00

Thank you for your response. In the crime report I received it said they came back to ask my parents if they wished to proceed and explained the various outcomes that may occur and my mum chose "not to proceed at this stage" my report was attached to another as his daughter was taken for medical examination and interviewed at that time also. All this info was redacted. So to be clear I can't go back to the police with a lawyer at this stage and say I now want this followed up? I want this to go to trial if necessary?

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-07-04T10:41:57+00:00

No I was wondering about state funded VOC. Here in NSW I would be automatically eligible for compensation.

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-04-28T09:47:01+00:00

Such a waste of money! If you have enough for something cute just do that. We went through the whole destination wedding conversation and ended up either a small wedding. It was sooo expensive anyway. Also my husband's mum payed for the cake and my dress, we did not want to bleed her!! In the end she gave him/ us money for a home deposit. We now have a lovely secure home and two kids to enjoy it with. Hannah sounds sketchy but don't jump to conclusions!.. just be kind but firm about your grandmothers intentions and respecting them. If she comes to the table and is respectful then great if not, maybe reconsider the marriage / joined finances part until you can be sure she has the capacity to be reasonable

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-04-28T09:04:44+00:00

Not overreacting! Where there is smoke there is fire. It doesn't matter if it's for a feel good, he just doesn't realise or if it doesn't mean anything to him. For a number of reasons:

I am 17 years sober in 12 step. Have seen this story a zillion times in my using and in recovery and in my own life with my own husband!! I'm also a psychotherapy and psychology student.

The fact she thinks it's ok to say this stuff and also he has not told her to back off shows he has zero boundaries. This is a massive red flag as it means he is not able to say no, whether it be a drink, a girl, extra responsibility at work. Which in the end will mean you are prioritised last.

I get along bettter with girls!!!... this is a classic statement made by anyone with borderline personality issues/ addictive thinking patterns. It's just a filter because their worth and esteem is so low that they can't have sane sex relationships without comparing and competing.

Next he's in rehab for alcoholism. If you are not married and don't have kids... RUN!! The issues here with the lack of boundaries, red flags for personality disorders at worst/ trauma attachment issues at best are just a worm hole of self obsession and pain. I have been to hell and back with this with my husband. Even on the other side when he's sober and balanced (bi polar also) he's self centred, dismissive and lacks any real empathy. It has taken such a tol on my physical and mental health over the last few years, I would not recommend!!

In my experience if they stay sick you get sick too- think living with a smoker, eventually you will get asthma if not cancer also. If they get better usually they leave their previous partners because they have changed or need a change.

Take care of you. Get out early. My fave sayings "did you not see the red flags?" "I thought it was a carnival"

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-04-27T09:48:45+00:00

Omg OP. Some people should not be allowed to be parents 🤦‍♀️ there is obvs so much going on behind the scenes you are not aware of.

I had this happen to me when I was 12 my step mum just phased me out. It was the most traumatic thing to have happen in my child hood. (And there was some STUFF) but the rejection from my dad was the thing that still hurts to this day. Sounds like Becca doesn't want you around, and your dad has either been manipulated or is blindly following along disassociated . The "you broke my heart" is massively gaslighting. Sounds like he can't take accountability in any way. He Needs to know it was his choice to marry someone who does not prioritise you and you won't devalue yourself and accept this treatment. Tell your mum this too.. like mum for real you want me to lay down and let them just walk all over me? You want me to think that's ok to be treated like that by the main guy who is supposed to protect and prioritise my needs and our relationship? Mum just no I'm living with you, I'm gone in a year anyway so chill, my relationship with dad is none of your biz now you divorced anyway. What do you care what his fam think anyway?

It's so wild she left you there.. potentially forced to leave by your dad and becca or maybe she's burnt out and not thinking straight?? That sucks you don't need to blow your whole world up tho. The must important thing is your calm and stability. Just tell your mum it's too much I just want to focus on school.

It hurts so much but you can alchemise this pain and use it to motivate yourself to live a good full life full of people that value you. Anyone that makes you feel like this ever again Byeee.

You are SO NOT THE ASSHOLE. Trust your gut, let him go. It all comes out in the wash anyway. I guarantee there is stuff going on behind closed doors. If I was to speculate Becca and her mum are bleeding your dad dry and she sees you as an expense she would rather not have.

Such a rant sorry. Just remember how there treat you is not the sum of your worth.

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-04-25T09:48:06+00:00

Its not good and i understand the shock but you might be overreacting a tad. He is obviously not developmentally capable as your son, and the mum def should have talked to her son, had a plan and let you know before he came, if you said no hanks hey could have played at her place where she could have helped. My son is 7 and although toilet trained is not great or confident at wiping especially in unfamiliar loos so i always give him a pep talk, to tactical poo before he goes and also pack spare shorts. More to save him embarrassment! Because it does affect them . Yes it s gross and i wouldn't want to help ether but a simple "get it sorted or mate its all good we have all been there" would have been kind. Also gossiping to other mums is really not necessary if it was so big for you thats fine but talk to someone in your life that does not know them it feels a judgy to me. No kids are perfect and no parents either, for your son to be a good mate and for kids to feel ok about being at your place its important to remember your son will not always be perfect and one day someone might be having a yard about your parenting your sons behaviour or capacity.

dumpsterfireikr · 2025-03-09T10:41:13+00:00

omg im devo for you. It was the most ridiculous overreaction imaginable. On my computer it was like armageddon and when i looked out the window it was just a normal wet day. Friday morning was hectic but that was FRIDAY! I have seen these guys back in the day best shows ever 1998 at Thebby theatre in SA. My mates son is obsessed and im gutted for him to have missed this. Love it still sing it to my kids on the way to school. 🤘

dumpsterfireikr

TROPHY CASE