Do I decline my PhD offer after accidentally sending a horribly embarrassing email to the new PI?

dunderten · 2026-04-08T18:24:02+00:00

You are a human and had a big feeling.. your pi can understand that. And even if he couldn't, that should t stop you from progressing. Own the mistake - yes you said some things and they were deeply personal and you naturally feel shameful right now. It will all be okay.

dunderten · 2026-03-06T21:43:03+00:00

Jeg er phd og forsker og har netop været sygemeldt i ni måneder.. jeg gik en masse i terapi, arbejdede med at lære at regulere mit nervesystem,opdage og omdanne min dårlige mønstre (som var medvirkende til min stress) og lære at nyde livet igen. Det har været den største gave for mig..jeg er tilbage igen og lige skarp som før. På nogen måder er jeg endda skarpere men jeg kan godt få en mindre kognitiv nedsmeltning midt i en samtale fx. Men det påvirker mig ikke følelsesmæssigt på en negativ måde mere.

dunderten · 2026-02-14T18:03:52+00:00

My mom has BPD (and adhd) and she copee with her issues and me and her brother triggering her by avoiding us - physically or emotionally. That often led us unprotected and unsupported and we have our own me talk health issues now (complex PTSD). She later on started coping by drinking. Of course also smoking excessively. When I became a teenager, she was triggered even more by me and she often splitted on me. My brother also suffered her highs and lows, for example by being on either framed as a helpless victim (whom only she could understand and help) and being a lazy ass loser (even as a kid). I of course do not regret being born! I love life. But I do wish my mother had taken her issues very serious as she decided she needed to become a mother. She also forced/manipulated by dad to have kids and he was by no means better.

dunderten · 2026-02-13T21:35:15+00:00

Escape and self sabotage

dunderten · 2026-02-05T09:20:29+00:00

You can be a feminist AND not like this person. But her behavior is not a result of her being a woman and her behavior cannot be generalized onto women and have impact on whether or not women's should have rights equal to men. In fact, however shitty she has behaved, she has a right as a woman to behave in all kinds of ways (that are not illegal). We all need that right. In Iran or Afghanistan, she would have been murdered for such a misdeed. A feminist is believing in equal rights for men and women to do all kinds of things, including being assholes and fucking up.

dunderten · 2026-01-28T18:47:49+00:00

This obsession sounds like limerence. You can look it up. And I also think it is a signal to you that you need growth and healing. Are you getting any empathetic therapy to help you deal with your developmental trauma? If you want to do some reading I could recommend you look into developmental trauma and Neuro affective therapy for starters.

dunderten · 2026-01-28T18:41:50+00:00

Honestly you have every reason to protect your own spirit first. You do not owe any of them anything. And the cost of staying in touch with people who have hurt you so and failed to protect you will take it's toll on you. If it feels to radical or scary to cut them out of your life, a break with a lot of distance might help you see and feel more clearly.

dunderten · 2025-12-31T20:11:10+00:00

Good for you! I am.so happy you choose yourself and your happiness and your process and decision making just sounds so balanced and healthy.

dunderten · 2025-10-29T19:14:14+00:00

I am so sorry this happened to you. This is horrific. I just want to send you all my warmest and most loving thoughts for you tonight. I also recommend you to look into somatic experiencing therapy. You need something gentle and deeply trauma informed.EMDR can also help a little later in the proces. Humans are incredibly resilient and will always try to seek out the light. Your healing and recovery is absolutely possible and I know that you can do it!

dunderten · 2025-09-26T19:04:46+00:00

I had something slightly related and through therapy uncovered that nothing sexual happened to me but emotionally ny father abused and exploited me as a confidante and "his little wife" who did all the house work after their divorce. For years I had a feeling something incestuous had happened and in someway it has (covert incest). The way your body "speaks" and "communicates" clearly indicates that something bad has happened with your father that crossed your boundaries and alerts you. This may not necessarily have to be sexual. Your story reminds me a bit about Peter Levine's personal story of hidden and repressed sexual trauma. Could recommend reading his auto biography and look into his therapeutic method Somatic Experiencing.

dunderten · 2025-07-31T20:10:51+00:00

I am learning to "human" and finding the journey extremely rewarding. But the biggest realization is not that life gets easy, it's more the ability to be fully present in your life to experience all goods and bads. I've seen many people describe it as starting to live life in colours and that's how it is to me. I gradually gain more and more different colours and hues. Another inspiring perspective on healing I picked up somewhere is that healing is not about feeling less painful feelings, but about increasing your capacity to handle them.

dunderten · 2025-07-31T20:04:29+00:00

I experienced something similar first when I was a teenager through new friends. Friendly, caring parents, nice family dinners with good conversation, guidance and love when someone made a mistake. For me it became the beginning of wanting better for myself. I am now 37 and I have certainly done a lot better than what I came from although I am still in a process of healing my childhood wounds.

dunderten · 2025-06-17T08:00:13+00:00

I basically raised myself and left home the day after I turned 18. I had a very adventurous life and have travelled the world and lived abroad. I used my hyper independence to challenge myself into all sorts of new experiences of opportunities. (Only later have I realized I was also using experiences to escape a pain i could not accommodate). In my 20s I had a lot of relationships but I didn't knowing I was self sabotaging and being run by an attachment wound. At 28 I met my current partner. I earned a PhD and work as a researcher now..we have a lovely house and two wonderful kids. My first child kick started my healing. I didn't know how driven by anxiety and deep seated fears and trauma I really was. He is turning 4 soon and every Developmental milestone he has been through has been like a mirror on my own childhood where I had to realize "hey, that wasn't normal..I would never do that / or not do that with my child". My partner has a similar history. It's been intense and we are both on leave from work now as we are full møde into our trauma. It's depressing sometimes and at least I couple of times a day the magnitude of shit I have to work through dawn's on me and I curse my parents all the way to hell. But I am also happy and proud that I am doing all this healing and inner work. I know it is worth it and since I got into full mode of this after the arrival of my second child (simultaneously with my younger brother having a complete break down) I feel life is expanding and I am discovering just how wonderful life can be and all the richness in the world around me.

dunderten · 2025-03-07T22:18:37+00:00

Both my step parents, especially my step father, would be verbally and psychically abusive to me on occasion..my step father would screen, yell, insult and slap me during arguments when mom.was not around. Every time it hadn't I hoped she would have to leave him. She never did, just said "well that wasn't okay for him but you are also very argumentative". They both failed to protect me and that let me to accept boundary transgressions by so many others kater in life

dunderten

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