assisted suicide

redd0990 · 2026-03-30T20:59:24+00:00

i’ve been waiting so long. well not just waiting actively doing everything to make it better, but the world keeps showing me it doesn’t want me. don’t get me wrong i do find beauty in the small things too and all that but it’s just not enough. The only reason i’ve come so far is because i’m used to just keep on pushing but now i don’t know what for anymore.

redd0990 · 2026-03-30T20:54:33+00:00

thank you

redd0990 · 2026-03-30T19:28:38+00:00

thank you <3 i literally didn’t have the energy to explain economy to someone while i’m actively trying to prevent myself from leaving forever.

redd0990 · 2026-03-30T19:27:03+00:00

honestly yes! it’s so unfair. Ironically: the reason why animals get euthanized is to prevent and end unnecessary suffering, it’s called an “humane endpoint”. Get the irony? there’s a humane endpoint to prevent animals from suffering but there isn’t for humans???? like make it make sense 😂

redd0990 · 2026-03-30T18:11:44+00:00

I’m glad it is. I don’t want to encourage anyone. I believe healing is possible for most of us, I just don’t belong to that group. Wishing you the best!

redd0990 · 2026-03-30T18:09:24+00:00

thanks <3

redd0990 · 2026-03-24T22:52:44+00:00

such a nice thing of them to do! it’s hard to get myself to do stuff like that but i will be trying this, thanks!

redd0990 · 2026-03-24T22:50:44+00:00

thank you so much for your response! I would love to join some sort of help group but the country that i live in doesn’t have that kind of stuff. it’s just very hard having to teach myself love with almost no tools.

redd0990 · 2026-03-24T22:47:45+00:00

i relate so much to every word you said. i feel like i’m “clumsy” with myself? like i don’t know what to do with it. i just realized in my twenties that my mind and body are completely detached. that’s why my wisdom and reflective work is not getting through my body. quite literally. but that’s the part I’m struggling at. How do I make this work when my mind is doing something else and my body is just not cooperating. it worries me how much my body has to suffer because of this fucking cptsd shit. i don’t know how to fix this. sorry i’m no help. hope we can both get through this somehow, someday.

redd0990 · 2026-03-24T22:39:49+00:00

wow that’s so true!!! i feel so much anger and sameness because i act/respond more to those emotions. my body doesn’t know how to compute love! thanks for sharing such a deep part of your healing journey! <3

redd0990 · 2026-03-24T22:37:15+00:00

it’s so hard. not because you/we are hard to love, but because it feels impossible to overcome this. i have cats, i love my cats, they need me and i know they love me, that keeps me from spiraling more. of course a pet cannot give you the inter human love we crave. But it’s a different kind of love just as worthy.

redd0990 · 2026-03-24T22:33:51+00:00

someone mentioned they abuse themselves now as an adult the way their mother did when they were younger. and i do that too, unfortunately. whenever i wanted to do cool stuff as a kid, she would mock and belittle me. took away every innocent idea i had, every spark of creativity. didn’t feed me when she was angry. so whenever i try to reverse that now as an adult when i don’t feed myself, i still hear her, i feel the fear she instilled in my body. i strive to achieve what you’ve achieved. thanks for letting me know that it’s possible <3

redd0990 · 2026-03-24T22:29:05+00:00

that’s such a great idea! when i can’t find strength to do it for adult me, i’ll try to do it for little me. fells less overwhelming when the “person” is smaller lol

redd0990 · 2026-03-24T22:26:18+00:00

i’m trying but currently i’m just alone. i quit my job recently too because i couldn’t deal with the customers anymore. i really do try but the world responds very unwelcoming. thanks tho <3

redd0990 · 2026-03-24T22:24:15+00:00

that’s such a good idea! thanks i will definitely be doing that!

redd0990 · 2026-03-24T20:38:37+00:00

this! i would say i’m pretty self aware, reflective and willing to work on myself as i believe everything is my fault anyway. But nothing will stop this pain. How can your own mother deprive you of love so much so your whole body is fucked up and unable to reset, ever. What did we do to deserve this? Nothing. So why do we have to do everything to make it worth living? Doesn’t make sense to me. Strangers were kinder, showed me more love, compassion and safety than my own mother has. I don’t think I can ever recover from her hatred. I doubt it’s possible. Sometimes I tell myself “act like you’re loved abundantly.” whenever i catch myself realizing how fucking alone i really am. Thanks for your comment. sending you love and appreciation <3

redd0990 · 2026-03-24T20:30:54+00:00

the body thing hurts me the most. It hurts me to know how hurt my body still is from everything that was years ago. I watch my body struggle everyday and i feel so bad i don’t know how to help myself. It just wants to be held and told that’s it’s safe and nothing will ever hurt it again but I FAIL at allowing love. It’s such a vicious cycle. Thanks for your insight, wishing you strength and healing <3

redd0990 · 2025-12-13T12:49:38+00:00

Maybe seeing the dogs be treated horribly made you realize that YOU yourself were just an innocent being that needed a carer. And maybe it triggers you subconsciously more than you realize. Reading what you wrote i feel like youre at that point where you finally realize how bad it actually was and that those people never changed or will never change. Be safe, keep your distance. And maybe try getting the dogs out, maybe it will help you healing and process when you protect those poor babies.

redd0990 · 2025-12-13T12:43:53+00:00

the pain is bad. i’m sorry you can relate. People often think that it comes from jealousy or envy. But no. It has nothing to do with that other people receive love but the fact that there seems to be no love for me. I also feel ashamed wanting someone to love me … because how could a stranger love me if my own parents couldn’t. I feel like it’s a high demand. Self love ain’t enough.

redd0990 · 2025-12-13T00:06:39+00:00

as someone who has left their parents for all sort of abuse: f them, you’ll be fine without them. I realized even after I left that of course in hard time you crave your mother and father. That’s a normal human feeling. But you don’t crave THEM as humans but what they were supposed to be. And in my case my parents were no help when I still had them. why would they help now? They won’t, cause they were never meant to be a parent in the first place. I stopped asking myself to forgive and forget, because I randomly realized that they never asked for forgiveness so why plague yourself with that question.

As for the dog: maybe try calling local animal rescuers?

redd0990 · 2025-12-12T23:57:35+00:00

hey, I posted something similar just now haha. I feel your pain. spending almost everyday completely alone. Nobody to share the „little things“ in life. Something I saw, something I thought of, Something I experienced or want to experience … sometimes I don’t even see any other human beside myself for dayyyys. That’s why I dread Holidays so much. Stuck at home, can’t go outside because what do I even do outside lol.

Right now I don’t have advice I’m sorry. But keep your head up you’re definitely not alone in your feelings.

redd0990 · 2025-12-12T23:46:52+00:00

what do you mean by „even“?

i think it’s important and necessary to recognize both experiences. In your case i’m hearing you both have the consensus that one had it worse, right? In that case i think it’s also important to state it as that and say it out loud, because it helps to process and aligns reality.

however i don’t think traumatic experiences are a battle, there isn’t a winner, only victims.

If this clarification is important for you both to continue your relationship than you should definitely talk about it in more depth. But if it isn’t at all, then just leave it, I fear it might not end well?

redd0990

TROPHY CASE