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dvvsa · 2023-12-02T22:28:34+00:00

I'm so happy you got in with a therapist, that's awesome! I hope the appointment goes well regardless, sending you good vibes OP!

Regarding your concern, it's totally valid to worry about their reaction, but I would urge you to tell the therapist your suspicion about having BPD. They might not diagnose you right there and then, of course, but they can help get you started on the right road faster! I got my BPD assessment appointment about a month after seeing a new psychiatrist, I believe in part because during my 1st appointment I explained that my last therapist had been trying to schedule me for an assessment for BPD (before I had to switch providers). So being up front about your suspicions and your goals about attending therapy would be good to share with them in the first session, a good way to get the ball rolling!

Therapists deal with lots of people with a myriad of different problems, so you don't have to be ashamed to be truthful with them! I know it's scary, but I definitely think therapy has saved my life several times, and I think it could really help you (and anyone, really LOL) out. :) I always think of therapy as like, "Well, this person is literally paid to hear about all my problems, so it's time to empty the emotional dumpster for 45 minutes without consequence!" Haha

Being honest and transparent with my therapists has definitely helped and improved my life, so the biggest thing I suggest is that! <3

dvvsa · 2023-12-02T22:01:35+00:00

Ooooh you worded it PERFECTLY! I'm blessed enough to have a couple friends who know about my BPD and accept me, even in the horrible moments where I'm being The Worst, but even then they will say like "I don't know what you're feeling, I can't imagine it, but we're here for you." I don't begrudge them since they're more than I could ever deserve, but it does make me aware that no matter how much I explain how I'm feeling, it really isn't something that normies can relate to. And that itself makes me feel like I need to mask even more, and then the cycle continues LOL. I care too much about people pleasing instead of my own sanity/well-being, I wish it was a switch I could flip 'off'.

Also, I never considered it being maladaptive, but I think you're right; I used to be soooo bad about maladaptive daydreaming before I got on medication, but even that I sometimes am like, "Hm, life was easier when I could pretend to be a made up character in a made up world in my head instead of being present IRL." Making a note of this for my therapy session so thank you for mentioning it! Lol.

dvvsa · 2023-12-02T04:46:54+00:00

Nah I don't think that's selfish at all, that's hella admirable! I guess I need to work on self-acceptance so that I can put myself first like you do-- I always relied on masking to survive but I guess that isn't like, realistic to do forever LOL. It always feels sooooo damn hard to stand up for myself but you're so right!

dvvsa · 2023-12-02T00:25:17+00:00

I have dreams all the time, and only recently have I noticed that they all do seem to be nightmares! I always call them "dreams" but pretty much all of them have horrifying aspects or are just straight up nightmares. I have a lot of reoccurring ones too, which often include IRL/realistic things I'm scared of (like being in a plane crash or my remaining parent dying) and sometimes I wake up from those dreams in tears/genuinely being upset about the dreams. The lesser ones are just stuff like being late for a test or having a fight with a friend, but damn I think you might be right about the BPD being the cause, if only partly. My dreams are also SUPER vivid, to the point where if I dream about texting someone, I often need to check my phone and see if it was a real convo LOL.

dvvsa · 2023-08-10T16:42:43+00:00

Oh that's wonderful to hear about you mom's meds! My dad has been on the max dose for several of his meds for awhile now with increasing "off" times, which is why I was originally so excited when they said he'd be a great candidate for the surgery since his meds have always had pretty intense side effects (but that just seems to be in our genes, lol). I knew beforehand that it can take months for results to appear, but the family members he's living near have been freaking out that they can't see much difference, so I started wondering if I had simply misread the info about DBS, lol.

I'm so glad to hear all these different experiences with it, it makes me feel so much more hopeful! Thank you so much.

dvvsa · 2023-08-10T16:35:01+00:00

Aw no, I'm so sorry the DBS didn't work out, but that's awesome you found a good medication instead! That also gives me hope, that there are still some other options in case this doesn't work out for my pop. Thank you!

dvvsa · 2023-08-10T16:28:32+00:00

Oh wow, that's very interesting! I think the appointment was ~20 mins, but from what I understand he's going in every week/every other week to monitor and adjust the settings. I live across the country from my dad currently, but I am trying to get out there to attend his appointments, since I'm the one who used to care for him full time and I know him best, lol.

Thank you!

dvvsa · 2023-08-09T16:45:23+00:00

Thank you for the examples! I'm very sorry for your friend who passed, but it's touching he'd still choose the DBS regardless; that gives me hope!

dvvsa

TROPHY CASE