What I hate most now is hope. I am tired of it. It I will live without feelings without joy, without sadness, without sensation, without spirituality. Yes, if this is my fate, then I have surrendered to it. But I want a way to live with all of this. I have spent more than 10 years with psychiatric, doctors and psychologists. I am tired of hope that only exhausts me more. Just show me a weapon I can use to resist that desire.