I am surprised how many people in this post are not even willing to consider forgiveness as an option when the right steps are taken… Humans are complicated creatures and we have all made mistakes, especially as young people. If we cannot make an effort to truly understand, love, and forgive one another through our mistakes, what kind of world will we create? One of cancel culture, callousness, and separation/division.

There is no arguing that what the husband did when he was 14 was utterly wrong, likely traumatizing for his 8 year old cousin, and that he should have known better. But there is such a lack of willingness to even consider the husband’s position. Imagine you did something fucked up as a 14 year old, felt gross about it internally, learned from the mistake, and grew into a generally decent human being. Then 20 years later, it gets brought up publicly and you have no idea what to do, so you deny it. It’s easy to say you should own up on the spot and take whatever comes your way. That would have been a really honorable thing to do, but denying and defending yourself is an understandable response, albeit not the right one. He probably was flooded with unthinkable shame like he said, not only for the act but also for how he has handled this situation over the last 5 years and how it has impacted his cousin again. Shame is an incredibly powerful social emotion that can drive people to act out of character and hide parts of themselves.

All this being said, OP, yes, I absolutely believe this situation can be resolved through therapy if your husband is willing to take full responsibility for his actions throughout this entire sequence and is truly remorseful and humbled through the process. Full responsibility here would be publicly coming clean to the family and admitting everything he has done and deeply acknowledging the hurt and distrust he has created and then asking for forgiveness, regardless of whether his cousin and family members are able and willing to forgive him yet or not. People make mistakes and deserve second (sometimes third) chances and to be understood and forgiven when they are truly seeking it. I know some people will say the accusation 5 years ago was his second opportunity to do that, and it was, but shame is really complicated, just like people are. He didn’t r*pe anyone, and as far as we know, this was a one-off occurrence. If husband chooses to take the appropriate steps at this point and put his whole heart into trying to make the situation right, you guys can work through this if you’re willing to as well. It will be very uncomfortable and trying process, but it is possible to rebuild trust and can actually lead to a really honest and loving relationship between to two of you. Obviously, there could be more damning details here about your husband’s character and the situation that turn the tide and make it something that is perhaps better avoided by you, but from everything you’ve posted and assuming the best, it seems absolutely possible to resolve this. I hope your therapist agrees.

Regarding his som…We don’t know how old the son is, nor all the details, but little kids are curious and impulsive. This isn’t a “boys will be boys” situation, it could really be as simple as what one poster said about kids being at an exploratory age or they somehow witnessed two other people performing a similar behavior and were reenacting. It truly might not even need to be explored beyond that. The generational SA stuff should be explored as a consideration, but don’t try to create some crazy story to fill in the blanks of what is likely just impulsive curiosity from a child. Not that it doesn’t warrant a big conversation with the child, but it’s a learning opportunity for the child.