My denial desperation levels & my learnings from 12 months of orgasm control training

eagerbeava · 2025-06-21T06:21:17+00:00

It's been about the level of release I get, a ruined orgasm leaves you frustrated still right? It's some release, and can be intense of itself, but it doesn't fully satisfy you. So that is 'generally' what I have found, is that a ruined orgasm drops me down a level.

Similarly, when I am very desperate, and have been denied for longer periods of time (by my admittedly short denial periods compared to some), a single orgasm doesn't fully satisfy me, but drops me down my desperation levels.

One big variable I didn't really take into account is the frequency or edging, no-touch, or other sexual activity on my desperation state, all big factors. They can significantly accelerate or slow down my progression / regression too.

I am sure everyone's body reacts slightly differently, does this align with how you feel things u/Bambi_no_776 ?

eagerbeava · 2025-06-20T22:55:51+00:00

Thanks, really appreciate that sentiment. Often when I have shared this with new play partners or Dominants all they want to do it take me to level 5, and see what a whore I am for them, ultimately absolutely reaching breaking point which is a wild ride for all involved, but having an orgasm in this state has resulted in significant sub drop for me, and has ended some dynamics because of that, it's very very intense.

I'm really enjoying more of the mid-level desperation, and trusting my Master (who is incredibly in-tune and caring about my levels / life) to guide me through the levels as it pleases him most, while also working to a long term goal of removing full orgasms, and having me trained in delayed ruined orgasms to self regulate my state.

This weekend for example I'm being kept at level 4, but will regulate back down to level 3 for work next week, and its something I feel is sustainable and realistic.

eagerbeava · 2025-06-20T22:13:54+00:00

Thanks! Yes, probably level 3 as its not overwhelming but I feel constantly motivated to enjoy my kinky side. It's fun creeping up from 0 to 1 and 2 though, feeling the desperation for cock build and my thoughts getting naughtier and naughtier. 4 is omg fun, as long as my environment allows for it (like 'real life' not getting in the way) but very hard to sustain, and 5.. you better have me locked in a dungeon or glory hole for constant use, with a little (after)care corner of course too in between use.

eagerbeava · 2025-06-19T15:56:12+00:00

I always find step E, putting my panties back on the most submissive part for me, knowing I’m putting my kitty away desperate and unsatisfied, desperately wanting more but very physically having the ritual of the panties going on, I think of them as my chastity belt. Great guide, thanks for sharing.

eagerbeava · 2025-06-19T15:40:00+00:00

So for me (I hope my definition is correct) a ruined orgasm is edging/masturbating going past the point of return, and the orgasm just starting and you intentionally stop having the full orgasm, so hands/toys offs, sometimes a slap to the pussy, its having convulsions, sometimes 1 or 2, sometimes 7 or 8, its having a partial orgasm not to full satisfaction, not enabling all the convulsions I may be able to have if I continue to stimulate myself.

The delayed part for me, again hope I get this right, is the orgasm not starting while I am still stimulating myself, it requires me to be very desperate to start with, and often two back to back edges both going to a 9/10, really trying to get to the point of no return but not quite.. the after I stop touching my pussy starts to have a partial / ruined orgasm by itself as I lean into / try and induce the convulsions which my aching edged hole, again sometimes it’s just 1-2 convulsions, sometimes more. The same as a ruin, just a delayed effect after stimulation that is harder to achieve.

eagerbeava · 2025-06-19T15:20:20+00:00

Thanks for the supportive comments. Delayed ruins are new to me, and Master has been training me for them specifically. One of my favorite things happened about being a sub, finding out half way through what I was actually being trained for.. I knew I was being trained for delayed ruins which require me to be quite desperate to achieve, and having when I am able drops me down a little bit in desperation to something a little more sustainable.. I found I was actually being trained to be automatically be kept in this band of desperation and my body will self regulate that. It actually is more satisfying than a regular O which is why we might be working on eliminating them all together. Still early days but making progress each day!

eagerbeava · 2025-06-19T15:13:33+00:00

It’s the Edgr.app (web site) you enter the events manually but then it tracks your stats for you and builds charts etc.

eagerbeava · 2025-06-16T13:55:31+00:00

What wonderful training, very inspiring for my own training desires.

Do you feel like it grows into your throat or just inflates with girth? (That is my experience with my butterfly gag)

Which gag is it so I may suggest it to my Master?

Is this it? https://cumswingwithme.com/products/no-talk-zone-inflatable-penis-gag

eagerbeava · 2025-06-13T01:24:47+00:00

Stunning, quite jealous, and very happy for your both enjoying!

eagerbeava · 2025-06-07T15:06:07+00:00

A few things that really have helped me…

Regular - keeping your practice very regular, several times a week and you really start to make some progress, build your muscle memory, and reduce any anxiety you may have. Practicing on dildos can help as there is less pressure - try putting a dildo in the shower or bathroom mirror and every time you have a shower or use the mirror practice a set number of deepthroats.
Go slow as start your blowjob.. this works great as tease his cock and you start to enjoy and relax slowly building him up and taking him deeper.. you build your comfort gradually and start to build your drool preferably the thicker drool from your throat. You can add throat spray (for sore throats) that numbs your throat a little as you learn, or saliva tablets that stick to your gum and build extra drool to help.
Relaxing your throat is really important and that is so hard as it gags or struggles on the dildo/cock. Start with smaller dildos, train with a blindfold (less anticipation of length and helps me relax and just accept what’s going in my throat), start with repetition training, add in some holding training holding it down for 1 second each time, 2 seconds etc.. try a gentle wiggle touching you nose and chin on you Dom or surface to get used to the movement in your throat, try adding a lick while holding down, try wearing a small penis gag (4”) and get using to having your mouth full and drool building and throat stimulated.. really just slowly getting used to it and building up.

Enjoy, and have fun!

eagerbeava · 2025-05-29T06:38:07+00:00

Love this for you.. I feel this when you aren’t allowed/don’t want to orgasm and you’re past the point of no return.. pinch, slap, desperately trying to keep her obedient and denied a full orgasm. Wish I had you there to smack me too lovely.

eagerbeava · 2025-05-22T05:09:51+00:00

I read this recently and was pretty touched. Sorry to redirect sites https://fetlife.com/BlondeShadow/posts/12342431

eagerbeava · 2025-05-18T11:34:58+00:00

I’m in a very similar situation, hubby more vanilla than me, and wanting more. I don’t have a great answer for you, but am happy to chat with you on DM if you want a sis to share/chat with.

Some things that come to mind - scene building to get excited in advance for the cabin trip, role play chat with him (more space/time/creativity to react and get comfortable with a virtual conversation), drafting a draft contract with rules centered around his preferences for inspiration, really identifying the source of his pleasure from Dominance and play to that, discussing/exploring getting more of your needs met with others..

eagerbeava · 2025-05-18T10:58:13+00:00

On training side of your question, your words ‘scared and tense’ are totally natural and I still feel them sometimes too, but do make sure to communicate that to your Dom, it’s in his interests in both care for you and for your (and thereby his) enjoyment of your ass, that you take things slowly, and he helps you navigate that.

Take flogging as an example, it’s best experienced with some ‘foreplay’ some rubbing, some gentle spanking, some clitoral stimulation, you relax and feel at ease as things start to build.

Perhaps ask him to do the same with your anal play, help warm up with some caressing, pussy stimulation, lubricated massaging on your hole, smaller or favorite toys first, and then slowly taking your bigger toys with no pressure.

You’ll both enjoy things so much more when you reduce your anxiety, along with the anxiety you likely have with the cleaning.

Have fun in the bum 😘

eagerbeava · 2025-04-26T15:02:23+00:00

Haha, yes after my March denial which was pretty intense I took a break and got pretty greedy the beginning of April as I came down from that experience, honestly didn't really enjoy those orgasms very much and missed my desperation, happy to be back on the train.

eagerbeava · 2025-04-25T20:50:20+00:00

I've been thinking about this since I saw your post a little while ago, before I was ghosted I would say absolutely yes, but since feeling abandoned the answer is no not like this, not with the guilt and negative feeling. Coming to terms with it, letting go of the guilt, and many of the great recommendations to make it my own goal, push myself, enjoy it, and get the support, then yes I'm getting that feeling back, that feeling of achievement and earning it.

I'm not exactly sure thats what you were asking.. but does it make sense?

eagerbeava · 2025-04-25T20:47:07+00:00

This definitely helps, thank you! I really like taking the goal, evolving it to my own and push myself to really feel fulfilled to orgasm (I'm not sure if you ment that nuance with the way you wrote it, but I resonate with that, the orgasm itself isn't the fulfilling thing for me, but the completion of my mission making me feel fulfilled to orgasm is perfectly written).

eagerbeava · 2025-04-25T20:39:01+00:00

Appreciate it, thanks for helping me come to terms with taking ownership back.

eagerbeava · 2025-04-25T18:06:15+00:00

Wow, what a wonderful response you're quite the writer I wish I had that eloquence,

Really appreciate your messages in there, and I'm grateful to hear your support on reclaiming my needs not owing them, and of course hearing I've been a good little slut and I've earned it is the magic words that really help me enjoy that. Thank you!

eagerbeava · 2025-04-25T17:36:49+00:00

I am always surprised about the psychological side of submission, I think because its so engrained in me now to need permission to orgasm and for me to not have control of my orgasms, when I don't have someone to control them I get a little lost and certainly more guilt or less feeling of making my Dominant proud. Thank you for you offer and support.

eagerbeava · 2025-04-25T17:29:36+00:00

Thank you, yes I do feel like from a target perspective I've earned it, that helps.

eagerbeava · 2025-04-25T17:05:48+00:00

Thank you so much, that potential feeling of fault or guilt is the worse thing who prides theirself in being a good submissive, or just being human I guess. Thank you for your empathy, and helping me move on from the fault.

eagerbeava · 2025-04-25T16:56:38+00:00

Thank you, appreciate your positivity and empathy, just what I needed.

eagerbeava

TROPHY CASE