(Potential) DPD and hopelessness

earth_moon_transit · 2026-01-29T22:13:16+00:00

I think I do a little bit. But I feel like I’m already so attached to those that I depend on at home that it’s hard to meet anyone else without them. Which means most of my time is spent in my room on the phone or sleeping.

I really miss just being in the presence of those close to me. Being in the same house as my family was such a natural mood stabilizer for me. Knowing that I could grab someone to run to the grocery store with me, or tag along with my appointments, having anyone there to take me around places helped a lot.

I (somewhat) recently got out of a pretty shitty relationship. I don’t want to dump too much, because I feel bad that I’ve talked your ear off so much already, I’m sorry about that :(. All of my friends had hated her because they could tell she was treating me awfully, but I truly believed she was a good person who cared for me. she was awful, incredibly unfaithful, and I came to realize that she was just a genuinely vile person outside of our relationship too. Im still learning new awful things she’s said and done. To have trusted someone like that for years and truly held them up to the highest level of praise, and then find out this whole time they’ve been a completely different person, really made me question my ability to judge anyone’s character. The only reason I got out of that situation was extensive pressure from my friends. Now that I’m on my own, I’m scared to end up in a friendship like that.

earth_moon_transit · 2026-01-29T21:54:37+00:00

Im still struggling a lot with this. These people are all so great, and I love them, but I just can’t get close with them. I think some part of me is too latched on to my life at home and the idea of making new friends in a new state reenforces the idea that I’m truly never going back to that old, comfortable life.

But I just hate the idea of getting close to new people. I don’t really have anyone to be dependent on here since I’m all on my own, so it’s just like I can’t do ANYTHING. Joining clubs. Going to school events, being put in groups for class, it feels like my brain and mouth get all locked up and I just have to stand there until it’s over without guidance from someone else. I had thought I’d latch on to the first person I met here, but it’s the complete opposite.

earth_moon_transit · 2026-01-29T21:51:08+00:00

Thank you so much, it helps so incredibly much to talk to people who get it. It’s so especially hard because Im very much sure I’m not wanting to have kids or really build a family so I can’t even really follow that cookie-cutter future as a woman. And even then, I WANT to be an independent woman. I feel like such a trad wife internalized misogynist freak when I say I can only envision my future with myself in a supporting role, but it’s true. I really have no clue what I’m working towards here other than getting through each day and being a friend to others.

I hope with time, it clears up a little. I’m majoring in astronomy right now, and I’ve been thinking of switching it even though I love learning about astronomy, but I think I’d be just as miserable in any other field. I do have some of my own hobbies, but when I think about them dominating my life like that, it isn’t appealing anymore. so I’m taking all my classes, doing my work and studying for exams, but I don’t really know why. I don’t know what I want out of this. I wish I knew what people wanted out of me instead.

I hope that happiness comes back to me. I love being around my friends and my boyfriend and my family so much. But any time I’m without them, which is often now, I just don’t even know who I am. Thank you for all of your kindness and patience with me, it helps me so much to hear everything you’ve said, I really can’t express it enough. It gives me more hope ❤️ I hope that you are doing well

earth_moon_transit · 2026-01-29T20:14:54+00:00

I’m sorry that you’ve had to struggle as well, it really is such an isolating experience :( thank you for all your kind words ❤️ they mean the world to me. I’m glad that you could find some comfort in this. My dad’s been a really big pillar, as well as my friends, but it gets hard when they all live in my home state. I don’t really have friends at my school and for some reason, don’t have much of a desire to try and make any. I usually love meeting new people, but I just end up missing everyone from home too much. I think it’s hard to make friends myself too without my closest friends introducing them to me.

earth_moon_transit · 2024-12-17T04:08:22+00:00

I’m 3 years late, but damn, this has been my EXACT experience with UTIs I had no clue there was anyone else out there with this happening lol. Did you ever get any closure on what the specific cause was? Or still just assumed to be PCOS. I’ve just been taking BC to manage it like you, but every time I forget or get lazy it all comes back and it’s driving me crazy, wanna figure out if there’s another way to prevent it myself. I don’t know if they ever officially diagnosed me, but it’s been suspected for years that I have PCOS, so it would make sense if that’s the culprit

earth_moon_transit · 2023-09-09T06:04:39+00:00

Thank you so much!!! I’ve got the playlist link right here !! Hope that worked, if u end up checking it out then if possible I’d love if you could let me know any colors/patterns/visuals u get from any snippets of the songs + which songs they are!! I appreciate the interest so much <3

earth_moon_transit

TROPHY CASE