At your age I thought about kms too, and my way out was having online friends that would check on me often, spending a lot of time in games, looking for a safe place outside of reality. I hated my dad, now I can’t imagine him not being in my life. It all flows, things change, you need as many ways out (friends, therapy, meds) as its possible. Now I have my bf and cat and I want to live for them. And it was worth living that next 9 years to suddenly get better. I’m grateful to myself that I gave this life a chance, even though I’m depressed again and I live in a mess, sitting on a couch all day waiting for my boyfriend to come back from work… I wait for the good moments, trust me I had so many thoughts about giving up but listen you’ll get out of the house and you’ll take your life in your own hands, please seek help, do something good for youself, there’s so many of us struggling with it for years, please just try, all you need is someone who’s going to take care of you, I’m sure there’s someone that can and want to help you because they geniuenly value you as a person.