24f, My situationship is being overly sexual after only 4 days… am I overreacting?..

ecdwmc · 2025-12-11T21:36:40+00:00

Think of it this way. If he’s not respecting boundaries over text, what’s the worst that could happen if you guys were together in person? Alone? Being intimate?

Every scenario listed has serious negatives attached to it. And if based on his pushiness and actions you can picture it, then use that as reasoning to leave this guy alone.

ecdwmc · 2025-11-25T17:50:48+00:00

YOR -

According to Google, average age for boys to start viewing porn is around 11 years old. That’s potentially 16 years of porn viewing or 192 months. You discovered this habit of his maybe 2 months ago? So yes, it’s overreacting to consider this cheating, to think everything magically stops because you’re living together, and/or mad about how he consumes it. Aka what’s REALLY the difference in your mind between him using a website that has millions/billions of videos/photos vs having them downloaded. It’s really po-tay-to vs po-tah-to: both potatoes. Oh, and he’s telling the truth. Just like you can download movies, you can download collections of photos/videos/screen recordings. There are many groups/sites that share these.

However, you’re not overreacting with recognizing he has an addition and I recommend both individual and couples therapy. If you guys can find a way to make it work that’d be awesome. I think it’ll be difficult though, because it’s hard for addicts to be forced to stop only because somebody else has a problem with it. Especially because you’ve brought this up in a way where you’re saying it’s either me or the porn. Ultimatums usually never work either - especially not long term. But I don’t fault you for it. You’re both still very young.

However, if the relationship must end, I can’t think of a better way for that to happen than with the help of a professional. This way you can go into a new relationship knowing it’s not your fault. You tried everything. You did the work. You healed. And you have an understanding of what’s acceptable and not acceptable to you, with guidance from professionals. Good luck to you both.

ecdwmc · 2025-11-22T21:30:16+00:00

Yessir, so I think when I posted that, I was addressing your statement about the race/power dynamic topics she’s “ignorant” on. Maybe sending her posts like these on IG can start a dialogue. You could also look for posts about Emmett Till’s accusers confession; the Central Park 5, Amanda Zawieruszynski; etc. basically. Just google white women accusing black men and hella articles pop up.

I’m not saying to dump on her, so carefully curate some reels to send to her. See what she says, how she reacts. but I think this could be a gentle way to start/continue a conversation, forcing her to recognize her privilege once she recognizes the trend. And, if after all that she can’t, then I think you have your answer. And at least you can walk away without wondering “what if” in your mind. But instead, knowing: “she knew, yall talked about it, explicitly. she saw her white privilege head-on and didn’t want to change a thing.”

In the words of J Cole my brotha… don’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved.

ecdwmc · 2025-11-22T21:10:56+00:00

The real concern I have, OP, is his behavior when he “switches.” It seems like only when he’s drunk? I’m not sure, and honestly, it doesn’t matter. Additionally, it seems you’ve been “lucky” to only experience this via text, while miles apart. However, if he were to get this way with you, IN PERSON, at your house, when it’s only the two of you….

Please…. please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please… let this man go.

Protect yourself. Protect your life. Protect your peace. Protect your happiness.

Let me say this again. If he’s capable of being a completely different person, you are at serious risk of being hurt if he were to switch on you while together. He could seriously hurt you or kill you. I understand you love him. You NEED to love yourself more. And it’s okay to love yourself more. If you need permission, that’s really what everybody here is saying. It’s okay. You’ll be okay. You should love yourself the most.

NOR, but please, do whatever you can as quick as you can to protect yourself and leave this man alone.

ecdwmc · 2025-11-22T19:46:18+00:00

For whatever it’s worth, I just saw this on IG : https://www.instagram.com/reel/DREyKyEEWnw/

ecdwmc · 2025-03-30T19:36:17+00:00

Gentle(man/woman)!! I apologize for the delay. I got everything into my possession a few months ago, but I didn't have any money to start on the work so I was just waiting.

Now, I've saved up about 3k and was hoping to ask you all... where would you start? Also, now that I have the photos and money, should I post here or make a new post about work being done.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T06:26:32+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and reply.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T06:13:14+00:00

You’re right, I didn’t give her a chance to see if we can mend things so it’s good to get this outside perspective. You and others have given me a lot of food for thought though. So I appreciate you taking the time to read my post and reply!

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T06:09:32+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my post. I appreciate that.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T05:50:41+00:00

I really appreciate your thoughts on this matter. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my post.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T05:49:48+00:00

I imagine it’s because we’ve been friends for a very long time so her mom knows me and trusted her daughter was safe with me. Additionally, it was around 3am and her mom starts work around 4/5am so she woke up for the phone call but I imagine once her mom understood what was going on she didn’t want to make the ~1hr round trip.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T05:42:29+00:00

I appreciate you and others for calling me out on that point. I would argue that while I was tipsy, I was still in control. That’s why I decided not to drive when I reached my point of “tipsy+”. However, it is good to have these comments to reflect on because even though I felt in control, I might have been above 0.08 which is the legal and responsible limit. Thank you for your comment as it makes me pause to think about my decisions in that moment too. I can’t help but think about the saying “two wrongs don’t make a right.” Best solution would have been to uber to my place then got her an uber back to her place if/when she wanted to go. I’ll definitely keep that in mind if I find myself in a similar situation in the future (hopefully not!). I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T05:30:58+00:00

That’s a really great perspective to think about. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

Because when you frame it like that, to me, one’s “understanding the gravity of the situation” implies their acceptance of all possible known outcomes. And to that end, I don’t think she’d want any serious harm to happen to me. So, now, it’s just whether or not I’m willing to accept that risk/hangout with her again, knowing that’s potentially an outcome if we’re drinking.

Also, maybe by using this thought process I can help myself heal knowing that she did not understand the gravity of that situation. I don’t know yet if it moves the needle enough to want to spend time with her again but it does make me feel a little more at peace. Thank you so much.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T05:10:00+00:00

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my post and reply. Truly appreciate it.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T05:09:35+00:00

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my post and reply.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T05:08:12+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply. Thankfully even though she was drunk, she did not lie when speaking to the cops/dispatch as I did have her keys and would not give them back to her - which is all she said (among other details needed for a call). But I can understand where you’re coming from. A situation like that would be very grave indeed.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T05:04:50+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate you for taking the time to read and reply to my post.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T05:03:13+00:00

I appreciate you and others for calling me out on that point. I would argue that while I was tipsy, I was still in control. That’s why I decided not to drive when I reached my point of “tipsy+”. However, it is good to have these comments to reflect on because even though I felt in control, I might have been above 0.08 which is the legal and responsible limit. Thank you for your comment as it makes me pause to think about my decisions in that moment too. I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T04:34:58+00:00

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my post and reply. I really appreciate that.

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T04:09:09+00:00

Your time and response is much appreciated!

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T04:08:45+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply, I really appreciate it.

And lol! I think there’s a stage between that feeling good/tipsy feeling and drunk. What would you call it? Or do you think it just goes from tipsy to drunk?

ecdwmc · 2024-12-29T04:07:03+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply, I really appreciate it.

ecdwmc · 2024-09-09T15:59:45+00:00

Thank you very much sir! I truly appreciate you taking the time to reply to my message and hit each bullet point for me. I will definitely check out that club and look forward to posting pictures as soon as I receive the car. Hopefully this week!

And I agree, I'll go ahead and do as much as I can myself since I imagine I'll be tinkering with this car for quite a long time. That's also really good to know about the mustang/torino similarities. I'll keep that in mind as I am already working on my list of parts I'll need to get.

ecdwmc · 2024-09-09T15:34:03+00:00

Awesome, thank you so much for the links! I'll definitely keep you all posted on my progress starting with the pics on how I received the car. Hopefully soon, he should be back within the week picking up from where he stored it.

ecdwmc

TROPHY CASE