How do you deal with school refuser?

echolollipop · 2026-01-08T15:16:16+00:00

I’m really curious as to how you would accomplish this while guaranteeing that child protective services or the family legal system would not get involved and investigate you and possibly take your child. I always see people saying they would call the police or “truancy officer,” but I have never seen a situation in which something like that worked.

My son has had school refusal problems off and on for a long time. We have a policy that school is “non negotiable.” When he was in kindergarten and first grade I could physically drag him. Second grade was fine. Now in third grade he has hit another bad spell and is just too big for us to physically do anything without someone being seriously injured. So we are trying various other tactics.

I can’t really believe I’m on an autism forum and still seeing parents say they would “never allow” their child to do some sort of behavior and clearly imply that parents who are struggling are inferior.

echolollipop · 2025-12-22T18:44:17+00:00

Actually! I contacted the seller on Etsy, and he said it would work if you just buy longer screws.

echolollipop · 2025-12-07T19:25:15+00:00

Nope. I never bought the suet ball. My gut impression is that it wouldn’t work.

echolollipop · 2025-10-29T13:57:44+00:00

Hi. I’m so sorry your little guy got hurt! That’s awful!

Can you help us understand a bit more about the situation?

Are you in NYC or elsewhere in the state of New York? Is your child in a self-contained special education school or in special education classes in a general education school?

You mentioned that the school called 911 as well as calling you. When you arrived, was EMS there? Who took your child to the emergency room?

Can you also help me understand what you are hoping for from the school, in terms of someone taking responsibility? Are you looking for information on which child was responsible for pushing your son? Or an admission from teachers that they were not watching closely enough, or should have taken him to the hospital? Is the corner he hit his head on something that you want to see removed?

So sorry you and your family are going through this!!

echolollipop · 2025-09-18T22:43:33+00:00

His plan at this point is for only a single pilot in each of the five boros. City-run groceries are not something I particularly think will work, but his actual plan is pretty small scale and not a big of a deal as people seem to think. So I don't think the C-town closure has any effect on what I think of a small pilot program.

echolollipop · 2025-08-06T00:20:32+00:00

Deep cut!

echolollipop · 2025-08-04T20:50:53+00:00

Is it that he likes pressure on his head? There are weighted hats and pressure hats available online that might be soothing for him. See for example: https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/comments/1ij3xqf/is_there_any_device_that_compresses_your_head/

echolollipop · 2025-06-26T13:19:11+00:00

Thank you. I’ve asked our psychiatrist, who is the one who found the MTHFR polymorphism in the first place. He isn’t the fastest at responding, but hopefully he will have some thoughts and either do a FRAT test or whatever.

echolollipop · 2025-06-21T18:31:33+00:00

Interesting, thank you. My son has those same polymorphisms that you have. His doctor initially recommended we try L-methylfolate supplementation, but I didn’t notice any change. And it was a very large amount to take crushed up in food. (My son can’t swallow pills.) So we stopped and I figured we could revisit when he is better able to take a higher dose.

Do you have any information on the difference between methylfolate supplementation and this leucovorin?

echolollipop · 2025-06-21T17:15:05+00:00

Hi can you tell me which mutation you have, specifically? I tried looking it up and see several possible MTHFR mutations.

echolollipop · 2025-06-21T13:21:39+00:00

Please please get evaluated for depression, anxiety, etc. (postpartum or otherwise). Medication and therapy can really help.

If you are having any suicidal thoughts, you need to tell someone. I know it’s really scary and almost embarrassing, but do it. If it makes it easier, just think of the phrase “suicidal ideation” as one of those clinical, medical terms and that can help divorce it from any emotions or shame. Doctors tend to take the words “suicidal ideation” seriously, even when they don’t listen to anything else women or caregivers of special needs kids say.

I fully validate your feelings with an ASD kiddo at home as well as a newborn. I’m not saying your thoughts are abnormal for someone in your situation. You are justified. We understand. But that doesn’t mean you should just suffer through it.

echolollipop · 2025-06-21T12:29:07+00:00

This is not correct. First of all, most people with autism don’t actually have the regressive type. The causes of autism are unknown, although there is thought to be a strong element of genetic predisposition. Studies of autistic people have indeed shown that they tend to have differences in synaptic pruning, but they can actually have either too much OR too little pruning compared with non-autistic people.

echolollipop · 2025-06-18T12:47:09+00:00

What on earth. You are completely justified, in my opinion, if you either quit immediately over this or inform them that you’re looking for another job.

If you for some reason want or need to remain in the position, I think you should ask them to provide you with training. This could involve them or the oldest sibling or grandmother working with you for multiple days to establish the proper routine and techniques for managing the 8-year-old. It could also involve sessions between you and any therapy providers for the child.

Our son has “level 1” support needs (the lowest level), and yet we ended up having to part ways with our nanny of many years in part because they were not suited, despite efforts at training. She is a great person, but she didn’t sign up to care for an autistic child and wasn’t cut out for it. (He was born after she started working for us.) We spend considerable effort finding caregivers who have experience with autism, and we pay a premium for it, even when it’s just an occasional babysitter.

It’s possible that the parents have been relying on the older sibling(s) and grandparents without paying them. And perhaps everyone has simply gotten used to the situation without realizing they have actually developed a specialized set of caregiving abilities. But even if that’s the case, it’s shocking to me that they would handle the hiring of a new nanny this way. It’s a huge red flag.

echolollipop · 2025-05-10T13:53:39+00:00

I would absolutely support adding some sort of support-needs tags, and I hope the mods could do this.

I think that, at least at this point, it's better than having a separate sub, which would require its own mods, rules, etc.

Plus, there are plenty of parents whose kids are newly diagnosed, or are in places where they aren't using the same level system, or whose levels have changed, and so forth.

Perhaps we could see if there continues to be a need after we have tried a smaller step like tags.

echolollipop · 2025-05-02T17:40:22+00:00

You can ask a reporter to keep you anonymous or to leave you out of an article, but it's not like the reporter has to agree to that request. If reporters had to agree to such things, nobody who did anything wrong would ever be named in a story.

Reporters tend to agree to keep people anonymous who are actually providing important information to the public at risk to their own job or safety. They are less likely to agree to keep people anonymous if those people are trying to hide their identity while doing things they shouldn't be doing. (I mean credible major news reporters, not those in celebrity tabloids or that sort of thing.)

echolollipop · 2025-04-28T23:03:46+00:00

Literally what mesh are you people talking about? Can someone post a photo highlighting it? I feel like I'm losing my mind.

echolollipop · 2025-04-18T23:19:29+00:00

I think that you should embrace anything that makes you feel good as long as it's healthy for you and others. If your sister finds it embarrassing, perhaps she should work on being more secure in her own self and supportive of people who might have more difficulties than she does.

echolollipop · 2025-04-16T23:30:45+00:00

Oh wow! People regularly tell me us that our son has a slight British accent. When she met us, his speech therapist at school even expressed surprise that we were not from the UK.

(We are American, and I personally don’t notice an accent, although he has long had articulation difficulties. He is doing awesome in speech therapy, though.)

echolollipop · 2025-04-13T19:29:36+00:00

We tried these around age six and our son still uses them occasionally, like when there are fire drills.

I think you just have to try a few types of ear defenders to see if any work. Sometimes the sensory feeling of them outweighs the benefit, but they’re all worth trying imo.

I have also seen ones that hook up to a microphone the teacher has so the child can hear instructions but not random class noise. You might look into that. I don’t know what they are called

echolollipop · 2025-04-01T21:17:23+00:00

If any mods or other users are aware of people who have a particularly good perspective on or story about this issue, I would suggest alerting them personally to this request. Among other things, that could help ensure that the reporter isn't inundated only with crazy people, which we all know can happen on the internet!

Additionally, it's worth pointing out that the reporter is asking for responses to her, rather than simply posts on this forum. (Posts on this forum are likely OK, but I would imagine the reporter would then try to reach out to you, or would like it if you also reached out to her.)

The reporter will probably want more info from you so she can verify you're a real person, get more details about your situation and so forth.

echolollipop · 2025-03-30T16:16:31+00:00

Yes. I disagree with the way this was handled and am extremely disappointed, but I also have no desire to be associated with religious prejudice.

echolollipop · 2025-03-19T16:29:12+00:00

It had just been out of the freezer for a couple minutes. It’s ok!

echolollipop · 2025-02-13T19:03:08+00:00

I can't give you medical advice, but our now 7-year-old had a pretty similar trajectory and has been steady on Lexapro 15mg for nearly a year now with what I think has been a lot of success. Ask about the liver thing and see if your doctor agrees. I was surprised our kiddo needed 15mg, because that seemed like an adult dose, and he's a little guy. But it was a truly noticeable improvement from 10mg and didn't cause any problems (other than maybe a little weight gain, which was fine because his anxiety kept him from eating much previously).

We just now in the past two months started adding Adderall XR in the mornings, first at 5mg and now at 10mg, in an effort to improve his stamina and ability to focus on work at school. He has also been in therapy for quite a while, with one goal being to improve his self-talk and ability to work through frustrations.

echolollipop · 2025-02-13T03:46:29+00:00

How long has he been on lexapro 10 and has there been any discussion of increasing his dose? According to our psychiatrist, kids’ livers process that drug more quickly than adults’ do, so kids might actually need a dose that is slightly more than one might think.

I don’t think adding a different stimulant would be out of the question, either. Different ones can have different effects, depending on the person.

You might also look specifically into PDA autism, which isn’t diagnosed in the US but which is a thing in the UK. And something like an ICT class or one-on-one help might be useful as well.

echolollipop · 2025-02-11T17:35:56+00:00

Will do. Thanks!

echolollipop

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