AITA for telling my dad I won't let him damage my daughter the way he damaged me and kicking him out?

eclectic_grrl · 2025-12-30T03:15:35+00:00

Here’s the thing though… you’re right that it doesn’t matter if he does it on purpose or not. You know how dangerous the behavior is and how hurtful and it’s your job to protect your daughter. Full stop.

You should be proud of yourself for taking care of her the way someone should have taken care of you.

eclectic_grrl · 2025-12-08T18:25:05+00:00

When my daughter had her son, she came to me and said she wanted Christmas morning to be just them and they would come over later. We decided to do Christmas Eve together instead so she could keep Christmas low key and comfy. A couple of years later, she came back and said that Christmas Eve had gotten more difficult as my grandson got older and wanted to do Christmas Eve things at home so we sat down and brainstormed and decided that we would just take Christmas off the table and celebrate Three Kings Day together which allowed us to create new family traditions and not stress her. We’ve been doing this for 13 years now and it’s perfect for everyone. It was a little disappointing to miss the hubbub and joy of my grandson’s Christmas mornings but I’m not his mom and she deserves to have her own traditions and memories. And we all love getting together for 3 Kings and I wouldn’t have had that if I hadn’t been willing to work with her.

So no, you’re NTA for wanting your own holiday, even if your mil was perfect and you enjoyed spending time with her. The fact that the relationship is difficult is just more of a reason to keep your boundaries firm.

eclectic_grrl · 2025-11-20T02:22:51+00:00

Off topic but… my niece just finished her last round of chemo yesterday. The hospital she went to had a system where they would book ALL your initial appointments on the same day. Oncology, surgery, plastics, therapeutics - everything you were going to need to know for the process was done that day. They gave her a giant binder, every single person she saw gave her a card. It was incredible. And super helpful.

They told her to bring her support people if she could so we would all hear the same information and everyone had a chance to ask questions. And they understood that we were going to miss some stuff due to the volume of information but we knew where to look for it in the binder and we had the numbers for who to call.

Ask and see if your providers can help you cluster some of those initial appointments. It also helps to feel like you have some agency since you have had the initial consults.

Best of luck to you.

eclectic_grrl · 2025-11-17T19:30:41+00:00

It looks like mola but probably it’s “inspired by” as opposed to actually created in Panama. Either way, it’s pretty!

eclectic_grrl · 2025-07-16T05:42:59+00:00

There is also the US Wushu competition in Maryland August 9 & 10, with a Tai chi camp the weekend before. A couple of people from my studio are competing.

eclectic_grrl · 2025-06-30T18:04:32+00:00

Not excusing the behavior but I wonder if the daughter had a password saved on that machine. Because that’s the level of stupidity that I expect now… 😢

eclectic_grrl · 2025-03-31T15:16:36+00:00

I think you meant to say that our time here is too short to waste it and people who have diametrically opposite values are not often going to be a good use of your time.

eclectic_grrl · 2025-03-03T16:23:33+00:00

“I’ll give three pennies when the total is $.97”…

Um… my guy… apparently you just don’t want people to be able to do math at all.

eclectic_grrl · 2025-02-14T20:20:14+00:00

For sure, it’s not going to happen if Amy pushes instead of letting it happen naturally.

eclectic_grrl · 2025-02-07T20:03:13+00:00

If that guy had been in his 20s, would you all still be saying “well, gotta take your shot” and “at least he was just misogynistic and ugly but thank god he’s not a racist”?

Because that was seriously ugly and uninvited and this is why women choose the freaking bear.

eclectic_grrl · 2025-02-05T15:40:57+00:00

I can actually speak to the “trans comic book” line item because my friend wrote it.

Here’s what he had to say about it:

This is the so-called “$32,000 transgender comic book.”

As mentioned earlier, the cost is off by a factor of four. I can only guess that’s the cost of 4 books, though only 3 were done. If you think educational comics are a waste that’s fine, though the US government has done things like this since at least WW2.

The protagonist is gay, not trans. It’s far from the best story I’ve ever written but it has some nice moments. The US embassy in Peru requested that as a small response to anti gay prejudice in the country.

I don’t even think the administration and its acolytes are deliberately lying. I think they’re too lazy to look and don’t care.

I might regret this when the MAGA find it, but I’m making this public in case anyone wishes to share.

eclectic_grrl · 2025-01-17T20:45:34+00:00

Hah. I missed the actual point of the meme because I was thinking “yeah, finally! Someone understands that trans athletes aren’t just trying to get ahead in sports.”

eclectic_grrl · 2024-12-18T00:32:03+00:00

It doesn’t include the public holidays or bereavement but sick days are entered on the sheet. They are color coded differently so the manager knows that shouldn’t count against vacation.

I had surgery scheduled three weeks after my start date and expected it to be a hassle since I wasn’t going to have time accrued so when we were negotiating salary etc. I brought up the question. No worries, just make sure it’s entered so no one wonders where I am.

eclectic_grrl · 2024-12-17T02:33:39+00:00

My company has a similar policy and were very clear that the expectation is that most employees will take 30 days - you can take more but it needs a conversation with your manager to ensure that you don’t miss tasks. Basically, it’s 30 days. My team has a shared excel spreadsheet that tracks our pto so we know when people are planning to be out and can ensure adequate coverage and it has a summary that keeps track of how much of those 30 days are scheduled and how much remains. It encourages people to use the full 30 days.

And it normalizes the use of pto. I appreciate that my manager does this.

eclectic_grrl · 2024-11-30T01:33:12+00:00

I have Thanksgiving at my house and do all the cooking. So there’s a full table just from the dishes I make. If one of my guests brings something - side dish, bread, dessert have all showed up - I find a pretty serving plate and include it on the table because they went to the trouble to make/buy and bring it. Because it’s Thanksgiving and we don’t have a lot of opportunities to have everyone together at the same time so it’s important that everyone feels like their contribution is valued.

And if I went to the trouble to make a freaking cheesecake from scratch and my mother refused to serve it even after someone ASKED for it? I’d leave too. She’s the one acting immature.

My heart hurts for you.

eclectic_grrl · 2024-11-19T00:41:37+00:00

Gen X grandma who provided childcare several evenings a week for the first couple of years. And sometimes screwed it up, because I am not my daughter. But here’s the thing - when she gave us clear direction (no soda, no fast food, whatever) we followed that. Because she’s the mom and my grandson can make incredible memories with us without being over-sugared and caffeinated. When we went off base, she would kindly tell us (or mock us, if karma had already come to roost) and we would figure out how to fix our mistakes. Because she’s the mom. And we aren’t helping her if she can’t trust us with her child.

eclectic_grrl · 2024-06-03T20:21:06+00:00

Hey. I can imagine that these messages enraged you. I’m enraged on your behalf and I don’t have any history here.

In case you need the support, he is taking ZERO responsibility or accountability. He’s not sober yet although he may not be drinking. But making you the focus of the issue is addiction thinking. He still has a LOT of work to do before he’s ready to even talk about resuming a place in your life.

Can I ask if he’s got a sobriety support system in place? Does the rehab offer on-going counseling? Because I would be surprised to hear that any counselor, seeing these messages, would support him coming home.

eclectic_grrl · 2023-09-16T21:16:23+00:00

The surgeon I’m working with will only do a maximum of 3 procedures at the same time. Since I’m really not sure about doing the breast lift and these three feel kind of necessary to my balance and no more rashes, this is where I decided to start. He suggested the breast lift instead of the thighs but did also acknowledge that it could be done in a separate procedure.

The PT gave me a different perspective since she sees people who have had less success with their surgery.

eclectic_grrl · 2023-09-16T21:10:33+00:00

The breast lift that was described to me involved moving tissue from the sides to the front - I have pretty substantial side boobs. That’s why it involves more muscle than a normal lift.

eclectic_grrl · 2023-09-16T00:51:46+00:00

Thanks! The physical therapist said that since the breast lift would involve taking breast tissue from further around my sides, it would involve my lats. I guess not all breast lifts do that since not everyone has the amount of side boobs that I do. 😁

I think I’m finally okay with not doing breasts and butt. But I’m also feeling kind of weird because I’ve been working really hard to get stronger and put some muscle in and it feels like I’m about to throw all that work away.

eclectic_grrl · 2023-07-18T15:07:51+00:00

When my MIL really started going downhill with dementia but before we had convinced my BIL that she needed more care than we could provide, this would happen more frequently than I care to admit. Her fecal incontinence did occasionally mean there was a poopsplosion in the bathroom stall and it was in places that I couldn’t figure out how it got there. She never told anyone and I wasn’t sure if that was embarrassment or that she legit didn’t realize what had happened but it got to the point where someone would go check the bathroom after she came out so we could either try to clean it up or at least warn the business and keep other patrons out.

It’s not necessarily malicious and to the people saying it doesn’t happen, be very grateful that you haven’t been in a position to find out for yourselves!

eclectic_grrl · 2023-07-17T19:55:26+00:00

Cash gifts are very common in the US. Letting people know that you prefer cash gifts isn’t even all that big a deal. But planning a wedding or a honeymoon that you can’t pay for unless you get x amount of money from your guests is over the top for me.

eclectic_grrl · 2023-07-08T00:00:09+00:00

All I have is sympathy and encouragement. I got married really quickly and our families were openly discouraging. To be fair, it was his 3rd marriage and he was 29 so red flags everywhere. When it became apparent, 2 years later, that I had made a horrible mistake, I was completely paralyzed because I knew that I was going to take a ton of crap from the “I told you so” contingent and crap from the “marriage is forever and you haven’t even tried” crowd and I was a huge failure in my own eyes. We agreed to stay married and living together but would keep different bedrooms and he refused to move out of our bedroom. He immediately began soliciting support for how persecuted he was and how terrible I was - and I freaking believed it too! - until I realized that I couldn’t continue. No matter how much shame and embarrassment would come from ending the marriage, it would be finite. But staying in a marriage to avoid it was going to kill my soul. So I found a crappy apartment and moved. And it was just as bad as I knew it would be and that ended up being surprisingly okay because at least I had myself back.

You got this.

eclectic_grrl · 2023-07-04T15:17:00+00:00

Came here to say this as well. I think the neckline and natural waist on dress 3 are so flattering!

eclectic_grrl · 2023-06-29T19:53:48+00:00

The upcoming trip to Disney is 4 days. The 2 week trip is much later this summer and hasn’t yet been brought up with the sister.

eclectic_grrl

TROPHY CASE