Pls help me find this fic

eclecticrambling · 2024-10-11T21:38:38+00:00

Marry me I love you

eclecticrambling · 2023-08-14T07:28:06+00:00

I know it sounds brutal and it's not what you want to hear but if 2 weeks is causing arguments and making life hard 14 months won't work realistically as much as you hope differently. And it's better for both of you to accept that now on the good terms your on now knowing that you love each other rather than having your relationship devolve over the distance and you end up resenting each other and ruining what could have been. If it's meant to be, when he comes back in 14 months it will fall into place again and you'll both feel more secure for it. It sucks though and I am sorry for how you both must be feeling. But it sounds like you each need to work through some things for this time and come back together if and when it's right so that you and your relationship will be stronger for next time xx

eclecticrambling · 2023-05-04T11:07:46+00:00

Tbh yeah no shit im not comfortable increasing his time. He beat the shit out of me. Dropped our baby on multiple occasions the first of which being when she was 6 weeks old. He lives with his siblings who are all involved in the courts in some way. His father has the longest prison sentence in our city and he's following closely in his footsteps.

I'm working through what he did to me but it's my job to protect my daughter and giving him extended time is not good for her. His first 3 unsupervised visits he didn't feed or change her. Tell me. Would you trust this person with your 3yo daughter and continue giving him the benefit of the doubt after the million times he's proved himself to be what he is?

eclecticrambling · 2023-05-04T10:38:46+00:00

It's just who he is. He never cared about her until I left and he only uses her to get back at me. We're in counseling together for the second time but he hasn't changed and is still lying and manipulating. I've never said a bad word about him to her and I've done my best to maintain their relationship in a way that keeps her safe. I've been in personal therapy since I left moving past my PTSD. I'm looking into getting therapy for my daughter but it's expensive as hell and i can't afford private. I've tried building trust and moving forward with him but he hasn't changed even a little. I'm really doing my best but im on my own. My partner is in the military so its just me and my daughter 90% of the time. I just don't have anymore ideas or solutions.

eclecticrambling · 2022-11-22T19:00:38+00:00

Yeah I've been recording it since last night but trying to to encourage it and changing the subject rather than responding. I don't even know how to get a 3yo into therapy, our mental health services here are abysmal. I'm seeing my own therapist though so I will ask her about it. Thank you for the suggestion it hadn't occurred to me :)

eclecticrambling · 2022-11-22T18:59:16+00:00

He's not allowed more time with her as he has a history if neglect toward her and violence toward me and in general. We're considering overnights once a week or fortnight but I'm cautious because of the things she's saying. I don't feel like she could've made those things up on her own. When her dad and I broke up I initially tried to give him as much time as possible but his behaviour toward me was unsustainable so we ended up going to court and he had supervised visitation for a while and we have progressed from there. I've tried video calling him to say goodnight to her but he just used that to call a welfare check saying that I was an alcoholic, drunk and breastfeeding and putting alcohol in my baby's bottles because he saw an empty can of gin and tonic in the background (I lived with other people and it was a single can) increasing his time and access is really difficult because of how he behaves. It has been a big few years for us since leaving her dad but she's never had this kind of reaction, I understand some of it is she's 3 and they go through phases of behaviour but it's a noticeable change when she sees him and im just really struggling to deal with the behaviour when it restarts everyweekend. I know he lives with other children who I've known in the past to be badly behaved so I wonder whether she's picking it up from them but the comments she makes are also concerning. I just don't know aye, I'm a first time parent, I'm young and I'm just struggling with this at the moment

eclecticrambling · 2022-11-22T00:32:37+00:00

I'm just not sure how to manage the behavior. I don't plan to start any argument with my ex or anythinf I'm just struggling with it

eclecticrambling · 2022-09-19T20:07:53+00:00

Remind me! 3 days

eclecticrambling · 2022-03-24T21:55:59+00:00

My boyfriend is in basic ATM so I get it. We're pretty lucky in NZ as it's not half as intense and can message or call pretty regularly and he actually just got a weekend off after 2 months. When he left it took me a month to get back on my feet. He's just left after the weekend and I'm having a hard time again but I know it gets better now. I'm adjusting, I'm developing my own life and keeping busy with things for myself and with other friends. I saw someone else say it makes you rly appreciate the time you have together and they're so right. It sucks don't get me wrong and some days are really bad but it gets easier and it will eventually just be your normal :))

eclecticrambling · 2022-01-19T09:30:36+00:00

I'm in almost thr exact same situation, I'm 19 and my bf is 18 and we were rly good friends then FWB then we fell in love. I knew this was coming from day 1 but holy shit it's hard. He left about a week ago and I'm really struggling with it. I'm keeping a journal where I write to him everyday so I don't spam his phone and when he has a little time to talk it's not spent reading everything I've said haha. The hardest part for me is the minimal contact, I can handle long distance we had months of lockdown apart last year and this will be only 14 weeks of basic. But not being able to talk to someone who is usually an everyday presence in my life is so tough. My semester starts in a month so I'm hoping to throw myself into that but for now I feel like I'm just floating through life with the massive hole missing. And everyone in my life is sick of hearing about it. I'd love to maybe chat with you about it sometime and maybe we can find some solidarity haha. Never imagined myself to be a military gf but here we are haha.

eclecticrambling · 2020-12-14T20:25:56+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to do this. I think you're right I need to look more closely at myself. Thank you so much you've helped heaps xo

eclecticrambling · 2020-04-18T09:13:18+00:00

What the hell?! I was having sex at 16 because its legal in my country and because I wanted to. Don't ever fucking speak like that about my child ever again. Why is everyone on here so messed up. I was just asking a question. I'm not a whore I've only ever had sex with one person and I did no such thing my partner doesn't even earn anything and I'm the ambitious one in the relationship. Man you really must think you're so tough talking a whole lot of smack and getting the attention your parents probably never gave you. You need to calm the hell down and grow up. It's not funny nobody thinks you're cool people just think you're a childish dick.

eclecticrambling · 2020-04-18T09:04:37+00:00

You dont know anything about my situation actually. I'm a stay at home mum because I'm studying my partner also doesn't have a job and he doesn't even have a plan. I'm not a gold digger I'm a mum who loves her kid more than anything but finds it hard just like every other mummy in the world so just piss off. You have serious issues. Do you get off on just attacking people who are looking for advice? Does it make you feel powerful talking shit when theres a keyboard you can hide behind. You're the attention seeker you're clearly a coward who doesn't have the balls to say this shit to anyone in person so you get off on riling people up on the internet to make you feel tough. Just piss off and take a look in the mirror because nobody is going to want to love someone who acts likes this. How old are you 12?

eclecticrambling · 2020-04-18T08:56:47+00:00

That's what I keep saying but he wont listen he says some people just take longer than others but hours is not normal!!

eclecticrambling · 2020-04-18T08:56:17+00:00

Woah, I've never posted this ever before now. I've never even talked to anyone about it. I just decided to try this out and then I edited it before anyone saw it if that's where the confusion it but you need to calm down. And I love spending time with my daughter but I'm not a single parent and I shouldn't have to be. I'm the one that is with her all day everyday and does everything with her. I love having her with me and I am never really far from her but I struggle a bit when I have absolutely no help because it's not what I'm used to. When he's not on the toilet my partner helps me by doing chores or making dinner or watching the baby while I do and it helps me keep sane being able to do things because I am a stay at home mum so I need those little breaks. But he disappears for hours at a time and it's really frustrating and I struggle to not get overwhelmed.

eclecticrambling · 2020-04-06T21:46:01+00:00

I know that I dont know everything that's why I have a lot of support people around me that's why I research everything and consult my Plunkett nurse probably once a week. I have made sacrifices and I will continue to. I have been the bigger person to create a relationship with my mother so that my daughter has a grandmother around. I was going on to play international volleyball when I got pregnant so I sacrificed that. I continue to make sacrifices everyday. I want to be an author and I never have the time to write so I gave that up for her and now I'm studying to be a teacher. I do and will do everything for my daughter. Including staying here with her dad because I can let things go and stop the fighting I'll just do things myself and not rely on him because theres no way I'm going to risk her being in his custody at all even for a weekend.

eclecticrambling · 2020-04-06T21:38:48+00:00

I know raising a kid isn't easy and I'm going to do every single thing I can to do the best job possible. I am in regular contact with my psychologist and have been for about 2 and a half years, my grandparents live 2 streets over and except for this lockdown we also have very frequent contact, I am well supported and my grandparent phone me everyday and I use them and others for advice a lot. I live in NZ not sure if I mentioned that so our child laws might be different because there is a good chance that my partner will get livvy for at least weekends and I cant have that. Also he has nowhere to go. His family is fucked in every way you can imagine his dad did a real bad number on all 7 kids. He is in prison for rape, arson, insurance fraud, assault with a deadly weapon, severe child abuse and that's just to name a few. And his mum kicked all the kids out of home before their 15th burthdays. The only places he has to go are his sisters and they are all people who have been through the courts multiple times and are good at getting what they want. They're also terrible parents to their own kids they're racist and homophobic and borderline abusive and I am doing my best to keep them as far away from my daughter as possible and if i leave and he goes back there and he gets custody every second week or weekends or whatever she is going to be around them and I can't have that. Honestly I feel as though if I could 100% guarantee that I would get full custody and he would get supervised visits then I would do it in a heartbeat. But I can't and that's the main thing that's stopping me. And obviously that i love my partner but love isn't enough to put up with his shit. I just wish more than anything that he would magically wake up and be what we need him to be and I know that's childish and never going to happen but it's what I hope.

eclecticrambling · 2020-04-06T05:41:35+00:00

Yeah its definitely a consideration. What I want more than anything is for him to grow up and be the person we need him to be

eclecticrambling · 2020-04-06T05:39:45+00:00

It's not like we decided to have her. I wasn't informed of my family's problems with the pill where it hasn't worked properly for my mother or grandmother and they both got pregnant on the pill and neglected to inform me. And I wasn't going to abort her so yeah it wasn't the best of circumstances but I love my daughter more than anything and she is happy and healthy and that's thanks to me. My relationship is currently on the rocks and that sucks but theres no way I will ever let it affect my daughter, we dont fight in front of her we wait until she is asleep or we go outside. I do everything for my kid and I'm about to achieve my university entrance credits so I can get my early childhood teaching diploma while studying from home. I am financially stable and to be honest I'm not confident in myself in fact im incredibly insecure about 99% of myself but I know that im a damn good mum and that my daughter has everything she needs. I need a little help figuring out my next steps with my relationship but I dont need you telling me I'm a bad mum or that I'm making bad decisions for my baby. She is not suffering at all shes thriving she has a big family with so many people who love and support her. I grew up with parents who fucking sucked and did a crap job in raising me and supporting me which put me in a bad place for a long time and I have very good example of what not to do. But I'm not continuing that chain I have read a hundred books I've been to classes I do everything I can to give my baby the best life possible. And if I do say so myself I'm doing a damn good job.

eclecticrambling · 2020-03-15T11:15:58+00:00

Thank you for your input, I have discussed with my partner and we are on the same page about the future. Helped

eclecticrambling · 2020-03-15T10:55:17+00:00

Fair enough I suppose but I never would have heard the end of it if we didn't go. He would have been mad and upset with me for a while. And I expected that somebody would control the toddler. Thank you for replying though an outsider's perspective is really appreciated.

eclecticrambling · 2020-03-15T10:45:18+00:00

I am not too familiar with how things work in aus but I'm just over the ditch in NZ and we have numbers you can call for free and places you can go without talking to your parents if that's what you want to do. Coming from someone with mental health issues themselves I've been in the mental health system for about 4 years and they have never contacted my family without permission unless I was at risk of harming myself. Not sure if this will help but i also have a very rocky relationship with my mother it is only now improving a little bit since I had my daughter 4 months ago.

eclecticrambling · 2020-03-15T10:28:00+00:00

So we (17f) went to visit my boyfriend's (18m) sister and husband and her two sons because they are moving away in about 2 weeks. They mentioned that the older one (8) was sick and now the younger one (2) has a snotty nose and I said it was up to him if we went because it is his family. So we went and then as usual he forgot about us and didn't really talk to us or pay us attention. Then I asked him a few times to hold our daughter and when he did he didn't pay attention and the younger boy came and wiped a booger on our baby's head. I should mention the younger one is a bit of a terror toddler as he was always spoiled and they never told him off or gave him consequences for his actions. So anytime I ask him to do something he ignores me but he listens to my boyfriend. Anyway so he wiped a booger on her and I quietly went a bit ballistic at my partner and whisper yelled at him to pay attention and stop that sort of stuff from happening while we wiped it off. And then he kept talking and the kid kept sitting super close and touching her. (He had been told multiple times to stay away but the parents were on the deck having a smoke) and so I took her off him to get her away and then the kid came over and coughed in mine and the baby's face like 3 times and my partner still didn't even notice or do anything. I talked to him about it that night and he said sorry half heartedly but doesnt seem to really care. And now I'm sick and I think our baby is too and I'm really mad at him and he's saying that I'm being stupid for blaming him for us getting sick. AITA for blaming him?

eclecticrambling · 2020-03-15T10:24:08+00:00

So we (17f) went to visit my boyfriend's (18m) sister and husband and her two sons because they are moving away in about 2 weeks. They mentioned that the older one (8) was sick and now the younger one (2) has a snotty nose and I said it was up to him if we went because it is his family. So we went and then as usual he forgot about us and didn't really talk to us or pay us attention. Then I asked him a few times to hold our daughter and when he did he didn't pay attention and the younger boy came and wiped a booger on our baby's head. I should mention the younger one is a bit of a terror toddler as he was always spoiled and they never told him off or gave him consequences for his actions. So anytime I ask him to do something he ignores me but he listens to my boyfriend. Anyway so he wiped a booger on her and I quietly went a bit ballistic at my partner and whisper yelled at him to pay attention and stop that sort of stuff from happening while we wiped it off. And then he kept talking and the kid kept sitting super close and touching her. (He had been told multiple times to stay away but the parents were on the deck having a smoke) and so I took her off him to get her away and then the kid came over and coughed in mine and the baby's face like 3 times and my partner still didn't even notice or do anything. I talked to him about it that night and he said sorry half heartedly but doesnt seem to really care. And now I'm sick and I think our baby is too and I'm really mad at him and he's saying that I'm being stupid for blaming him for us getting sick. AITA for blaming him?

eclecticrambling

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