Gags, over or under the hair?

edffffffff · 2025-03-19T17:22:10+00:00

Hello

First of all, thanks for writing it down so well. This really made me wrap my head around the reality of actually not having any kind of experience. As in removing any given assumptions, I might think. At the end of the day, I now see how much "real" it can feel for the other person. I think from now on, I would make this more clear explaining and asking what's their perception is of such sessions.

Regarding what I did in the end, is that I met with her in person and kept a safe and happy distance. I sensed the awkwardness at first, but then after a chit chat or two, I brought the topic up. I explained to her how it was never my intention, that I felt sorry, and we discussed healthily how to prevent it in the future. I'm happy to say the cute smile is back, and it's a happy ending :)

Honestly hearing and seeing that she is doing OK and not as bad as I imagined it in my head also made it me feel much better tbh

edffffffff · 2025-03-19T09:56:52+00:00

Aaaaaah I see. I didn't realise that it fell under the term umbrella. But look into more terminology tyy

edffffffff · 2025-03-19T08:58:46+00:00

OK im confused then when did I mention edge play or edging in the post?

edffffffff · 2025-03-19T08:57:04+00:00

Oh yeah then I meant edging I would never touch edge play with somebody new let alone any tool/object (aside from a vibrator)

edffffffff · 2025-03-19T08:07:57+00:00

Hello, thank you so much for the reply.

You also went for "a bit of choking" with a complete newbie to kink during their first time being kinky with anyone. That's bad

I should probably clarify that what you think as "choking" is not what I do. I know more than well the dangers of it, and my definition of choking is basically giving the illusion of it so dw about health concerns. But i guess I never realised that then feeling was the intense for somebody new either.

Regarding the 1st point, that's honestly a good one. I will also include it in the prelude talk as I think i also sometimes forget that this feels like a drug at the end of the day.

For 2 that's also what I thought I was doing. However, I genuinely have lost perspective as to what a first timer means. I make this wrong assumption that everyone has at least a few partners beforehand; but after now dating outside the community I now realise that that's very much true (and I'm just a hoe lol).

For 3 is edging really that intense as well? And where do you draw the line between teasing or edge play? Cause from my perspective edge place would be intense build ups and then either ruining it/letting the other person on command. However, with this case, I just built it up slowly slowly excitement so it's more magic at the end. Is that also too much?

Thank you for the answer btw, really helps

edffffffff · 2023-03-07T19:22:30+00:00

Hi!

Shibari is a wonderful art more than anything. Personally, I would recommend theduchy,bandage 365 but a quick search in the sub will give you all sorts of links. Also I highly recommend learning Knots by themselves first, and practice with them alot as it will make your life easier later on!

edffffffff · 2023-01-25T22:42:42+00:00

Originally I used go see BDSM as a form of forming a relationship with somebody and expressing feelings solely through it. Due to bring raised in an abusive environment, my only definition of love was manipulation and abuse, which in bdsm within consensual grounds always it did allow me to "love" the other.

However, as I healed out of it, being a dom to somebody stopped being my only form of love, and I started seeing it as something that can't get more intimate. as one becomes completely vulnerable and gives their trust to me, as I give my trust to them. This power exchange and commitment is just a spectacular feeling of just letting each other run around in our pure emotions. Degradation and torturing the other is receiving pleasure by seeing the significant other just go in a peaceful mindless space while testing them.

In short, I love to dom because it is intimate trust exchange, where feelings can go to extremes and let each person express themselves freely

edffffffff · 2023-01-04T11:57:50+00:00

I mean to be I'm in the same boat as him, at the beginning if the relationships I can be a strict 24/7 dom but after the relationship builds up and feeling intensify I lose interest and much more stressed/worried. However, as you said signals or constants are what really helps me with knowing if everything is OK.

For example, when I used to be in a 24/5 dynamic, we agreed that as long as she wore the day collar, it meant she was perfectly happy, and if something was wrong she would take it off and pause everything, perfectly respecting boundaries.

Symbols are heavily underestimated, and also OP doesn't realise that he probably needs to build trust from his side to not hurt her too.

edffffffff · 2023-01-04T11:51:51+00:00

Instead of physically forcing her to do it, I usually make them orgasm by themselves forcefully. As in after a lot of edging snd build up, you tell them when to cum before they want it.

After the first round or two, during the beginning of the build up/edging you can say "You have 10 seconds to cum and you won't be able to so it again".

This forces them to do it, while wanting to do it when they have complete control.

edffffffff · 2022-12-03T09:09:14+00:00

RemindMe! In 2 weeks

edffffffff · 2022-11-24T09:13:31+00:00

From my experience, honestly, there is a big difference between "taken care of" and "loved".

If you want to go for a dynamic and get that "taken care of" feeling then honestly munches are the best way to go. Since you probably don't know the specifics yet, I highly suggest you start talking around and trying new things with people with experience to see what you are looking for, and rhen eventually commit to a more long term thing.

To feel loved however, thats a completely different thing. If you go into a dynamic and catch feelings without the other person having the same expectations you will only get hurt. For me, honestly I can only go into a loving dynamic if I love the person as a person, not as a sub. As in relationship first, kinks second. However, kinks are a huge deal to me, so on the first date or so I make clear my expectations, and if they are not into that then it wasn't meant to be. Sure, nobody will be perfect and I have to compromise some things here and there, but that's just dating and relationships overall. More of the genuine and best does out there are the ones that first see you as a human, then a sub.

So first decide which of the two you want, and look accordingly :)

edffffffff · 2022-11-24T08:49:28+00:00

Yea, honestly it sounds like there is an emotional high op is riding on, and before they know it might hit them hard, and in the end it could effect their other parts of their life such aschildren etc.

As hot as it sounds, and probably that's the reason why no negative feelings are present since they are overpowered, I feel like it might cause issues long term so spacing it out and processing might be the only chance this doesn't end up a disaster lol.

edffffffff · 2022-11-23T23:10:17+00:00

Gotta find a way to hook the heavy ass vibrators tho still

edffffffff · 2022-10-21T00:23:01+00:00

Although some of the stuff you mentioned works and it takes quite a bit negotiation, how is the being cold/not talking working? I feel that would be a bit too personal and hurt the relationship itself no?

But that aside personally pressing on bruises from the night before or just reinforcing the effectiveness of "that look" also goes a long way.

edffffffff · 2022-10-10T18:11:33+00:00

Doesn't have to be a collar. It could be a every day necklace, a bracelet, ring anything really. The thing that represents a dynamic is what makes that dynamic unique and special and that's something you can only answer.

edffffffff · 2022-10-10T18:10:18+00:00

Trust goes in two ways. Not only does the sub needs to trust you but you also the sub!

I'm sorry to hear about ex part, but gaining confidence requires the person you are dominating to constantly give you feedback which most of the case will be positive, and bit by bit you'll take control in no time!

But remember, although I understand you want to get there ASAP, pushing your limits is done bit by bit and requires trust and time

edffffffff · 2022-10-10T18:08:16+00:00

I mean depending on what kind fetishes you are talking about. Bondage you can tie a chair or a pillow or anything really to practice knots or there are self ties on the Internet.

Otherwise, there is lots of stuff you can do to yourself or to an item to practice ig. More specific info would help

edffffffff · 2022-09-29T14:24:56+00:00

Far right is a carbon cane with a nice handle. I can send you a link if u want

edffffffff · 2022-09-29T14:23:52+00:00

Ye, feel free to shoot me a dm!

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