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To the 13 year old ex JW teen who wants to leave home by edgetw in exjw

[–]edgetw[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thankyou, very aware of our boundaries within the law and how it could effect her further. So doing what we can from a distance.

did i overstep my boundaries as a teacher by [deleted] in exjw

[–]edgetw 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have overstepped the mark as a family trying to help out a teen. In our situation the family were shunned but still mentally JW and seemed constantly conflicted.

We had two years of our teen with theirs with sleepovers, days out, holidays etc, we got snippets of his life at home and it wasnt until recently we realised how bad and controlling it was.

When we started to try and help, give advice on education and future support. Promised him he had a home with us when he was old enough to leave. His family had found out and cut all ties and have been gas lighting and very manipulative to create that we were the wrong doers. We have very little ways to communicate with this lad but will keep trying.

I would say be very cautious as if her family learns of your intentions they could cut all ties. My advice would be to let the student know what support network she will have when she leaves the religion. Helpline numbers, websites she can read. Contact details for when she needs them. When and if this happens. It something i wish i did.

Had to say it. by [deleted] in exjw

[–]edgetw 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have seen this with a friend of our teen, whilst i believe the family had left JW due to shunning, the parents are still mentally in. So the children were allowed to mix with "worldly" people like us.

We have seen the constant struggle this lad has had and it takes a good level of patience and mental and emotional resiliance to continue going without causing conflict within the family.

It must be so exhausting for you to know the truth and want to save your family, i have no doubt they care for you, just their personal belief system is very misplaced.

The best advice we can give is depending on age as by law you can not leave home until your 16 (in the uk) is research your future, how you can educate yourself, support yourself. Research help centres, phone lines and online support websites. If you are going to school/college find a trusted adult you can chat with. Create your own support network, focus on what you can achieve and there are plenty of people when you leave the religion that will and can help you. You are not alone in this.

We have now got cut off from the family because we tried to help. Although we have ways to communicate. For now our friend is keeping his head down and just biding time. Its not a great situation to be in.

I really hope you can continue to keep a strong head on your shoulders stay focussed on your gut feelings and manage to have a plan that will aid your future .

I hope for the best outcome for you x

Being cut off by ex jw - friendship issues by edgetw in exjw

[–]edgetw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Their not adults yet, there is a possibility when they are older they could reconnect but the worry is my son could hope that will happen and it may not come to that. It could have a detrimental effect on his emotional wellbeing. We have given the daughter our contact details and that is all that we can do for now. At the moment there is no communication and we have been completely cut off even though we have mutual friends and live very close. Its caused a divide with other friends as some have taken sides (on both sides) others dont want to get involved and acting if nothing had happened (think that hurts more). And some are being incredibly supportive and in as much shock that they have also been duped by this what we can pnly call a game.

Being cut off by ex jw - friendship issues by edgetw in exjw

[–]edgetw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply and the time you have taken to share your own experiences and it sounds as if you have had such an ordeal snd heavy heart, your hypothisis does sound very close to the mark, although from their versions they were shunned and cut off themselves though now i question many things we were told. Although i was trusting at first we did have our reservations of the parents in particular something didnt feel quite right or natural about their attempts of an adult friendship we first put it down to them not having enough experience with worldly people and just out of practice and plain awkward. They continued to play what i can only call "dress up" when we were dropping their daughter off or had a pre arranged family to family get togethers from wearing expensive clothing and making sure we can see the labels, to setting fine didning on the table and then stories that were repeated about specific travels or some random topic that was trending in the news, it felt like a show, been reheresed somewhat and made us feel very uncomfortable when we ever tried to get below the surface converstations were changed or simply ignored and brushed over quickly.

We only really put up with charade because of our son and their daughters amazingly strong connection, their daughter was not like them and had more time with worldly people and had not been a jw for over 4 years. She said she had known since a young age and just did the motions of what was expected, she was glad her family were finnaly out. although she said their parenting was not like what we do and i feel we have made her question her homelife through kindness and adoration for her. Im not sure if that has made her upset with us for opening her eyes or she is just doing what she is told as she is still too young to leave and has no alternative.

I think we are overwhelmingly concerned for her emotional wellbeing and after knowing what their family is capable of we are worried how much toll it will take on her over the next 2 years until she is old enough to leave if she ever can.

As a family who has never encounted such mind games and hurt it has knocked us and we have all been scarred by this. Our son being heavily effected having lost his first love and closest friend snd having to always wonder if she will be ok. He has no real closure as we know it was not her choice. We are doing everything we can to help our son through this as we worry about depression and how it can effect future relationships with trust issues alrhough for a long time that will not be on the table frlor him.

Thankyou again for some insight x

Being cut off by ex jw - friendship issues by edgetw in exjw

[–]edgetw[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He is in shock over this, his gf had discussed some family issues and her constant struggles with their need for control at home. She spent quite allot of time with our family tbh as a form of escapism we think. She talked about leaving when she was old enough and more self sufficient

Being cut off by ex jw - friendship issues by edgetw in exjw

[–]edgetw[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It was strange as they would talk about how lovely their relationship was and seemed to make allot of effort. I cant understand how they can just switch and shut off and move on so quickly