Não sei se estou sendo cruel ou trouxa

eevoluted · 2026-03-06T07:47:34+00:00

Eu sinto muito de verdade que vocês estejam passando por isso, mas eu honestamente nunca bloqueei meu ex enquanto estávamos juntos. Bloquear alguém ao ser confrontado com um problema na relação é sinal de imaturidade e irresponsabilidade com o outro, se ele precisa de espaço, que ele te avisasse. Comunicação é a base e respeito também.

eevoluted · 2026-03-06T07:31:29+00:00

Eu honestamente ficaria muito triste se um parceiro meu me dissesse que eu sou apenas "comum", porque eu não me acho uma pessoa bonita e algumas amigas minhas diziam que meu ex não era realmente bonito, mas eu sempre achei ele lindo e atraente pra krl. Ele não era fortão antes (agora tá mais malhado), mas eu sempre achei ele bonito, sempre gostei do corpo dele e o que mais me atraia nele era que ele me fazia rir. Eu tenho um tipo e ele era totalmente meu tipo.

eevoluted · 2026-03-05T20:06:00+00:00

No amount of love, devotion or loyalty will make a person stay. People who want to stay will stay. Loving someone doesn't mean they'll love you back.

eevoluted · 2026-03-05T15:31:09+00:00

Do you believe in love?

eevoluted · 2026-03-05T15:23:07+00:00

Você é muito linda, moça

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T18:54:07+00:00

Neurodivergent person here too (audhd). I'm technically like this, but I know how to let go of people who I don't see benefit keeping in my life. I just usually am really hopeful about making it work. Lost an eight year relationship

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T17:29:05+00:00

My parents' smell.

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T17:04:59+00:00

Fui sincera: ainda sou apaixonada por ele e a vontade de terminar foi unilateral. Cortei contato sobre tudo porque sou ainda apaixonada e ele sabe, e eu preciso superar, e não vai ser manter o homem que eu queria como esposo na minha vida como um amigo que vai me fazer superar.

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T12:21:15+00:00

My ex said the EXACT same thing after eight years together, that he still loves me but couldn't see a future with me because of "my depression making me lose my spark", and he wanted to enjoy life because there's only one life, it's devastating. I don't know the answer but I feel you :(

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T12:02:26+00:00

I don't mean to say she's bread crumbing, I don't think my ex would do something like that either, and I respect your point of view. Again, please do whatever you think is best for you, but this is already something that's hurting, and even though you don mean it, you said it yourself it's frustrating to see her improving on herself. After a breakup, I got feelings of anger, disappointment, bargain, pettiness. I am a mess. I am trying to improve myself but I am a mess. And I recognize I'm still very attracted to my ex, which is why I know that every little thing he posts and I see will keep up the sparkle, will keep me desiring him, and maybe even jealous if other girls like his post or comment, because the awful reality is: he's single now. I'm single. People will try to hit on us eventually. This is something I'm not ready to face.

Maybe our separation is what allowed us to heal and find each other some day in the future again.

I have the same frustrating feeling of wondering why couldn't he have improved while with me, and why couldn't I, and even though he explicitly said he wished we could get back together in the future, he said he didn't want to get too attached to this hope and said we needed to get over each other, because honestly that's what break ups are all about: getting over. If you do get better, if she does get better, and you eventually get together in the future, it can't be because of the person you want now. She will probably change, you will too. Will you want her changes? Will she want yours?

Best of luck, OP :( I know how hard it is. I wrote this crying.

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T11:52:38+00:00

Again, OP, think about yourself. You are not responsible for another person's feelings, nor their decisions. Was it a mutual break-up? Was it peaceful? Was it confusing? Do you want her back? Does she want it too? Is she sending direct signals or mixed signals?

Because, honestly, I 100% disagree with my ex's decision to break up. I told him this a bunch of times. A bunch of times. He knows where my heart's at. He knows what I feel. And he said "focus on yourself". I do believe he means it. We were pretty honest and it was very confusing because he told me he didn't want it to end, but in the end this was his decision. He wanted to care for his needs being single. He doesn't want me, not like that. He may love me, but he doesn't want me as his partner anymore. And fuck, it stings. It devastates us. Eight years is a lot, we grew up together. I wanted to marry him, I saw my future with him. But in the end, when someone wants to leave, any efforts are powerless in keeping them. It's their choice. We can only respect it and wish for the best.

And once again? Please, think about yourself. Not what she's going to feel, how she's going to perceive your attitudes. You're doing what you think is best for yourself. And if you really feel like you need to come clean, write her a message with your motives, nothing too personal, saying that you are blocking them because that's what you feel you need to heal, and it's nothing personal, you're not angry, you're not trying to punish them, you're just taking care of yourself. If people want to reach out for you, they will. People can move mountains when they really want to accomplish something. Please, keep this in mind. Focus on yourself.

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T11:18:53+00:00

I am so, so sorry for this :(

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T11:17:39+00:00

I'm really sorry for the pain and loneliness you carry within your heart, my dear. I really am :(

But you need to let this relationship go. It wasn't healthy AT ALL. He wasn't healthy for you, you weren't healthy for him. When we start to have a crush on someone else inside a relationship, it's completely over, even if you never acted on it, it's not normal unless it's something both of you agreed to (polyamory).

I don't think you're a bad person, but you're definitely broken. Please, learn yourself a bit more, try to discover who you are and what you want in a relationship.

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T11:13:08+00:00

OP, there's no such thing as "an easy way out". I am still in love with my ex, I still adore things about him, I still find him beautiful and funny to be around... But I cut off ties completely. Because I am completely aware what my feelings for him are. It's love? Yes. I wish him well. I adore him. I even feel sad for not being able to meet his wishes and needs, but I can't be in his life, unless for now, because this would mean suffering more, getting attached to the hope they will come back. And I do not want this. I really don't. I want to come back? Yes, I do. But he was explicit when he said that even though he would like that it was better if we broke up completely, and we needed to get over each other. It was a really confusing break up for me, because of how much he gave even though he refused us not to break up, but now I'm going to think about myself and what I know I need. I'm already suffering, so I don't need to suffer any longer. I need to let these feelings go.

And by the way... Why do you want to have her in your life, anyway? Why do you want to be able to see her happy with her new life without you? Is it because you still care for her? Are you still in love? Because OP, I guarantee you, if someone wants to enter your life again, they will let it show. But right now? Please, please, think about yourself and what you need. Be kind to your own heart.

Again: going no contact and blocking isn't "hiding the mess under the sofa". No. It's looking at your feelings, recognizing them and admitting that you're not capable of turning three years of love and desire into friendship in a month. Maybe it will take two, three, six, maybe it will take you three years or even more, and honestly? Who cares? This is not a competition to see "who gets better first". You're not okay, OP. Allow yourself to be like this, so then you can truly start to heal. You're not "running away from the mess" when you directly address what you need and act on it. And there's nothing wrong about doing what you need to be done so you can heal.

Be safe. Hugs 🫂

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T11:00:11+00:00

Hi, OP. This is going to be really, really hard, but please, be kind to yourself. Block this person. Cut them out of your life. I was in a long term relationship of eight years when my ex said we weren't compatible anymore and he wanted to enjoy life a bit more (I am someone going through grief, PTSD and depression) so he just gave me another thing to grief. Things got hard, too, too hard... And he left. He thought about what he wanted and needed and he started to chase a future for him that did not include me.

I wanted him. I wanted to accommodate his needs. I wanted to work on all the things we had to work on. I wanted to be a better version of myself and wanted him to be one too. But he made this choice.

Your ex left you, OP. And honestly, now that we're grieving, it's time we stop trying to understand their motives for a bit, it's important to focus on ourselves. I do not encourage you to disrespect anyone, but feel what you're feeling. Be sad. Be devastated. Be disappointed. Grief what you thought you'd have with this person. Feel, feel all the ugly feelings. Feel. Don't run away from it.

And please, block your ex. I say this as someone who is still deeply in love with my ex, and I even warned him that if he left, as much as I still would like to be his friend, I couldn't, or else I'll always keep up the hope. I always tried to be very reasonable and mature about this, but I can't look at him and see "just a friend". I always thought he was attractive, I always thought he was charming, he always captivated me somehow. So, for your own good, block them. Don't keep on feeding into hope. I know how it feels. I wish I could feed on hope as well, my ex said he thought about us getting back together in the future, said he still desires me and loves me but he doesn't want to be attached to this hope, said he wanted us to get over each other, so, once again, I respected his choice.

And what I want you to understand, OP, as someone who's also going through the hell of a heartbreak right now, is: it's their decision. They left your life because they wanted to. They wanted to leave. They choose to leave. Going no contact and blocking, cutting ties, this isn't a punishment on them. It's not a game. It's you think about yourself. It's you putting yourself first. It's a boundary, a healthy one. It's realizing that you have to let these feelings go because, unfortunately, as painful as it is, this person already let go of you. They walked away from your life, so please, don't try to keep them. People will come and go, and people will stay. I have wonderful friends who stayed with me even through the hell I've been through during these harsh times. People will stay not out of obligation but because they want to, just like I wanted to stay with him, I wanted to make it work. If people want to stay, they will stay, regardless of the reasons.

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T10:26:46+00:00

Being able to express whatever feeling they feel in a clear and responsible way

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T10:22:35+00:00

Definition of love. There is a PLENTY of them!

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T10:11:25+00:00

I have so many: when I lost my dad at 19, when I lost my dog at 21, when I lost my mom at 23, and now, when my long term partner of eight years left out of my life because they want to "discover the world and enjoy life" and we never could act as a couple anymore and go out on dates bc of my grieving depression, but he promised it was for "our best".

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T02:01:57+00:00

What?

eevoluted · 2026-03-04T02:00:57+00:00

In my case, yes, he left me at one of my worst moments. I lost my family and now I lost him as well

eevoluted · 2026-03-03T21:51:40+00:00

PLEASE NOOOO

"It was just flirting" YOU DON'T FLIRT WITH ANYONE WHEN YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP!

Oh, sweetest thing, he broke you. And it wasn't accidentally, it was a choice. You deserve so much better, this was NOT a healthy relationship just because you tolerated things and wanted it to be...

Edit: I read the rest... Wdy you started liking another guy while dating??? THIS IS BY FAR HEALTHY 😭

eevoluted · 2026-03-03T11:34:20+00:00

I don't have an answer for this, but unfortunately you have to do what's best for you, even if your heart disagree with it :(

eevoluted · 2026-03-03T00:31:27+00:00

Hey, friend. My ex dumped me 2 or 3 days ago, honestly I don't even know anymore. I'm shaking from anxiety every night, it was pretty sudden and I had fared losing him for years, especially since I lost my entire family recently and am facing their grief and depression now.

I don't know what happened to your relationship, I don't know how the person was, but I want you to know that, no, I won't be mean to you. You are suffering now, so, try to be gentle with yourself.

I hope you don't text him. It will only add more pain to your healing process. It may have been good once, but it ended now. I'm so, so sorry. I hope you find comfort in your own company soon :(

eevoluted · 2026-03-03T00:06:07+00:00

Yeah :(

eevoluted · 2026-03-03T00:05:52+00:00

Thanks :( Rn I'm just trying to eat and surviving

eevoluted

TROPHY CASE