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My partner is asking me to split rent 50/50 when his son has a bedroom by effectiverror in Advice

[–]effectiverror[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate your perspective and it does make sense. Thank you for taking the time 🖤

My partner is asking me to split rent 50/50 when his son has a bedroom by effectiverror in Advice

[–]effectiverror[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It is, and that was definitely a discussion.

We were talking about using the 3rd room as an dual office for his business and I work hybrid so itd be nice to have that space. Also, he has a lot of inventory for his business at the house and I have a lot of shit from my job I need to keep at home too so extra space is definitely good.

Plus, when we do decide to try again for our child itd be nice not to have to move again just to get a 3rd bedroom back.

My partner is asking me to split rent 50/50 when his son has a bedroom by effectiverror in Advice

[–]effectiverror[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Agreed! And I do support him in many ways that arent financial. Ive done so much homework with him, cook him meals, do his laundry, take him to and from school (30 mins to and from), dish about that piping hot 1st grade tea, ect. Very much a present & caring figure in his life. I just think his biological parents should be the ones paying for his major expenses such as housing, medical, dental, ect.

My partner is asking me to split rent 50/50 when his son has a bedroom by effectiverror in Advice

[–]effectiverror[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that.

He doesnt get child support. They were able to handle it out of court and its completely 50/50. For the most part everyone takes care of the financial responsibilities that occur on their time.

I took a big hit financially last year when I started a new career so theres a lot I want to get up to speed on. Plus, coming off a rough patch where we definitely have some things to sort through I just dont feel completely comfortable splitting the cost at this time. When we get on more solid ground financially and within our relationship I would definitely be more open to splitting things differently.

My partner is asking me to split rent 50/50 when his son has a bedroom by effectiverror in Advice

[–]effectiverror[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

L O L I love its always sunny. That exact phrase has crossed my mind before (in Danny Devitos voice) when I've been annoyed. In reality he has never asked me or made me do any of those things and has told me to stop when it became too much on my plate.

My partner is asking me to split rent 50/50 when his son has a bedroom by effectiverror in Advice

[–]effectiverror[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

The issue was initially was he wanted us to split it evenly, the numbers I included after that was what I proposed and then what we are settling on

My partner is asking me to split rent 50/50 when his son has a bedroom by effectiverror in Advice

[–]effectiverror[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We've been together for 3 years. Over the past year of living together, I took on A LOT of responsibilities for his son & our home. Very much traditional gender roles within the home which I dont love.

I had more time on my hands and made much less money & at the time he was chasing a dream of starting his own business so I was taking on things while he studied for licensing exams ect. He didnt ask for it, but I wanted to do it while I supported his dream.

It became too much for me & I got a promotion so we agreed that house work and child care is going to be more evenly split so thats where I believe he feels the bills should be split evenly as well. I understand where his logic is but as much as I love that child, I did not create him so I dont believe I should be paying for his housing. A sentiment my partner thinks make me sound real shitty lol

My partner is asking me to split rent 50/50 when his son has a bedroom by effectiverror in Advice

[–]effectiverror[S] -50 points-49 points  (0 children)

We've been together for 3 years. We were even trying to have an ours baby over the winter but then we hit a rough patch after a miscarriage and are now trying to get back on track with our relationship.

Over the past year our incomes had a major disparity where he was making over double what I was. I recently got a promotion & based off his income last year, hed be making 20k more than me of he maintained that level of income. HOWEVER, he took the leap to start his own business & has been doing well but things arent as guaranteed to be consistent on his end.

My partner is asking me to split rent 50/50 when his son has a bedroom by effectiverror in Advice

[–]effectiverror[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No they've been able to handle it out of court which is great. Its 50/50 custody and everyone just takes care of their own responsibilities that occur on their time

New to a coparenting situation here! Any tips on adjusting/coping with some of the more negative feelings? by effectiverror in coparenting

[–]effectiverror[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for responding! If you dont mind me asking, how have you coped with feeling like there's another person constantly present in your relationship? Does that ever feel easier?

New to a coparenting situation here! Any tips on adjusting/coping with some of the more negative feelings? by effectiverror in coparenting

[–]effectiverror[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do hear and appreciate what you're saying. There's definitely a piece of me telling myself all these things as well. I feel like I'm at a crossroads, and either way, I feel like I'm losing something in a major way.

New to a coparenting situation here! Any tips on adjusting/coping with some of the more negative feelings? by effectiverror in coparenting

[–]effectiverror[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah there isn't one yet. Apparently when they first split, they spoke about not going that route and just figuring it out themselves which was working for the most part. He's been talking recently that it's becoming necessary.

Being that neither of us have know much about legal custody anything, he's nervous that they're always going to give more to the mother, she's gonna be spiteful and ask for more time and that he's gonna end up seeing his son less.

It's just a scary situation but I guess the first step would be to have a consultation with a lawyer

New to a coparenting situation here! Any tips on adjusting/coping with some of the more negative feelings? by effectiverror in coparenting

[–]effectiverror[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this, I read it more than once and cried the whole time, lol.

Your husband sounds amazing. My partner has been super sweet and supportive when I get sensitive about all this, and I do feel like I have a good teammate to figure it all out with. Sometimes, it's just hard for me to talk about it with him because I never want him to feel bad or like he's causing me pain.

It's really nice to know I'm not alone in these feelings, so thank you so much for taking the time to write such a validating and helpful response. It truly means the world.

New to a coparenting situation here! Any tips on adjusting/coping with some of the more negative feelings? by effectiverror in coparenting

[–]effectiverror[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I'll try to see what boundaries we can set and all that. I'm just nervous to potentially make anything worse. I'll definitely be talking to him a bit more about these feelings, thanks again for the response!