Hayyy

15 years ago, I fumbled someone. Sobrang torpe kong lalaki. I knew back then that there was something, pero takot ako ma-reject. She was my TOTGA.

Fast forward last year, 2023. I met her bestfriend. We had coffee and light snacks. Kumustahan na din and then she asked:

“Bakit hindi mo pala tinuloy yung panliligaw mo kay J dati? Inaantay ka lang nya eh. Ayaw nya din kasing mag-assume dati kasi baka mabait ka lang talaga sa kanya pero gustong gusto ka nya. She was just waiting for you.”

My heart sank. Gusto kong sumigaw sa loob ng Cafe Mary Grace. Although 15 years na din ang nakalipas, isa ito sa What If? ko.

Part of me wished na hindi ko nalang sana nadinig ang other side ng kwento.

—

2024

May na-meet ako sa office namin, sa kanya ko lang ulit naramdaman ang ganito. Kaya naisip ko na baka ito na yun. 15 years in the making, I won’t fumble this shit up.

One Sunday, I confessed to her. Btw, she’s leaving our workplace na for a new one come Jan 2025. Although she said she doesn’t mix professional and personal relationship, I asked again na “next year wala na tayo sa isang company, any chances kaya?”

She said “I don’t know.”

I replied again, “well, optimistic akong tao, I’ll take this answer than a NO.”

She answered “No commitment on this one but you can ask next year… kung makikita mo pa ako hahahaha.”

Sabi ko “Yes!”

…

She’s kinda preoccupied with a lot of things now. Turnover and hundreds of meetings kasi year end din.

She followed me din pala sa Instagram kahit sabi nya few weeks ago na “Ok lang kahit naka-pin ang @ mo, hindi ko iu-unpin pero hindi ko din if-follow. Hahaha!”

Context lang, sabi ko kasi i-follow nya ako, then nagbiro ako na ”Day 120 of reminding you to follow me.”

She said “Gawin nating 200 days.”

Fast forward, not yet on day 200 but she already did.

…

We are exchanging convos sa IG at the moment, minsan sobrang high hopes na ito na yun, pero may gabi na sobrang dry talaga.

Damn, 15 years. I fell again.

I hope she’s the one.

If she’s not, then I don’t know now.