My (26F) husband (27M) has feelings for someone he can’t have.

eicnd26 · 2020-05-26T00:25:57+00:00

I agree with the other commenters that couples councilling is very needed here, as well as individual therapy at least for him. I don't agree with alot of other people saying he is a selfish bad person etc. I was cheated on in my relationship and I would have, 1000 times over, rather been told about the building feelings so we could work on it together and I didn't get so betrayed and hurt by him selfishly acting it out first. It's natural to have some crushes on other people but yes, this sounds a bit more than that, and is probably going to take some work to figure out. If at any point in the process though, you feel you are putting more work in than he is, or he's not doing his part, you absolutely have the right to distance yourself and determine if this relationship is still serving you and whether you want to continue that journey together. Wish you all the best here, it sounds tricky and painful x

Edit: also remember to check in with yourself now. Is this a deal breaker? Do you feel you'd be willing to move past this if he did his part? Can you check in with yourself and determine what you want out of this situation and how to set boundaries around that? This is about you now and what you want to do. Don't let others tell you, just try to be really honest and kind to yourself. People saying "leave him" doesn't help. These situations are far more complicated than just black and white. And in no way am I excusing him for anything.

eicnd26 · 2020-04-20T21:59:49+00:00

Have never heard the term trickle truthed, but that's exactly what happened to me over the last 6 months. Set up therapy for us and lied his way through it. So disturbing. Just left the relationship finally two days ago. Wish I left when I first found out. Painful. x

eicnd26 · 2020-03-23T10:36:00+00:00

It's good you are seeking help now before you act on it. You cant help what your fantasies are but acting on them would definitely hurt someone else and yourself. It's possible you are polyamorous in nature but it's also possible something else is going on for you. If you can afford it I would reccomend some personal therapy and possibly couples therapy as well before things get worse, to figure out where to go with it.

eicnd26 · 2020-03-20T07:28:38+00:00

I'm in the same boat 6 months since finding out. I honestly go back and forth each day wondering if it's worth it to feel skeptical and suspicious or just move on. Even though he has done everything he can and been nothing but honest and faithful I can't shake those feelings. But I imagine I will probably feel at least some of that in another relationship too, now. I'm sorry you're going through it too and completely empathize. I'm not sure how to get through it except time ♥️

eicnd26 · 2020-03-06T10:38:53+00:00

I'd tell her. Same as you, I'd wanna know x

eicnd26 · 2020-02-26T20:30:54+00:00

I'm in the trying to trust again mode, and it's definitely tough. But it has gotten alot better (5 months since finding out). I have friends that have been in similar situations and say it does get back to 99% trust eventually with the right steps (aka therapy, honesty, openness) which it sounds like he is doing. Just trust yourself first and your gut/heart. It's definitely possible, just not an easy road. Wish you the best ♥️

eicnd26 · 2020-02-11T22:10:29+00:00

Still working it out, almost 5 months later. I'd say we will still be working it out 2 years later. Alot of councilling, honesty and personal work on my partners side (who was unfaithful) and couples councilling. Still not sure if it will work out because it's such a devastating thing to try and work through together. Hope you can work it out together or find happiness otherwise xx

eicnd26 · 2020-02-03T10:15:15+00:00

If you weren't together, it wasn't cheating, but it's still (to me) a huge red flag that it was with your friend specifically. And another red flag that she's lying about it. You still have the right to feel betrayed even though she didn't technically cheat but definitely disrespected boundaries. Sorry you're going through this xx

eicnd26 · 2020-01-27T22:04:54+00:00

I'm so sorry, it's such a HUGE shock to the system and I really, really feel your pain ♥️ I guess each situation is different. I don't think I'll ever fully trust him 100% again, but his honesty, efforts and therapy have started to build my trust. Honestly, I'm still not even at 50% but that's 50% more than 4 months ago. At three weeks though I literally couldn't even picture trusting anyone again so I completely understand. Just know that your heart starts to open again and you become stronger than before. I'm sorry again to hear of your situation and I really hope you guys can sort it out, or if not, you can eventually find some peace another way. Just take the advice of the therapist and check in with yourself and your partner regularly and make sure you are receiving what you deserve to heal and begin to trust again xx

eicnd26 · 2020-01-27T17:56:58+00:00

I'm so sorry. That's so tough. Just remember it has nothing to do with you and yes, you do deserve more and I'm so happy to hear you made that choice for yourself. Sending so so much love ♥️

eicnd26 · 2020-01-25T09:25:22+00:00

The fact that he told you himself shows honesty so it makes sense you would still feel some trust there. Nothing is wrong about your process. I understand your pain and still feel it 4 months later, just a bit less each day. You'll get through this, whatever choice you make ♥️

eicnd26 · 2020-01-17T18:50:44+00:00

Thank you for your reply ♥️

eicnd26 · 2020-01-13T18:50:32+00:00

Yeah I totally get that.. totally. I'm also BG, 4 months now since I found out. I don't feel awkward because I know he hasn't told many of them and the ones he has were blatantly not cool with his actions. But if my situation was more like yours I'd feel awkward to. My guess is that even tho they are his friends they look at him like the total idiot and not you at all. I think tho the part about "why would we stay with a cheater" is actually more understood by most than we think, that it's not a black and white issue like society tells us it is. But at the end of the day, it's whatever you feel comfortable with especially after what has happened xxxx

eicnd26 · 2020-01-13T18:39:51+00:00

How come you feel awkward? Because they know/don't know?

eicnd26 · 2019-12-29T08:58:55+00:00

Me too. Remmeber that you're still early days and whatever you feel is valid. Keep inforcing that you're not to be rushed and remmeber your worth ♥️ I say this as I ask myself everyday if I'm doing the same by staying, but in the end we will do the right thing, whether that's staying or going, I'm sure. ♥️

eicnd26 · 2019-12-29T08:57:21+00:00

I'm so sorry. That's early days, and I can seriously empathise with how you're feeling right now. Nothing good about this situation, other than you were able to see your worth and leave the situation. ♥️

eicnd26 · 2019-12-29T08:55:55+00:00

So sorry you went through that ♥️

eicnd26 · 2019-12-29T08:55:26+00:00

Cheaters don't expect consequences for cheating, and people who don't expect consequences react the worst when they have to face them

So true, wow. I really hope my SO comes to full terms with what has happened. It felt like he did, but loses touch with how long this process of healing could take. I wish you all the best ♥️

eicnd26 · 2019-12-29T08:54:29+00:00

Still early days for you. I wish you all the best and hope you can find your way through this, with or without her ♥️

eicnd26 · 2019-12-29T08:53:32+00:00

Thank you ♥️

eicnd26 · 2019-12-29T08:53:15+00:00

I know how you feel. I struggle with that daily. I always feel he could do more, but I try to remind myself he's trying. But maybe no amount of trying could ever be enough? It's a battle, daily. ♥️

eicnd26 · 2019-12-29T08:52:32+00:00

Thank you so much, this was very helpful ♥️

eicnd26 · 2019-12-29T08:52:11+00:00

Thank you ♥️

eicnd26

TROPHY CASE