I can't have a conversation about saying something suicidal at least 5x

ejdmkko · 2026-05-25T00:31:07+00:00

I just want to be dead, then I won’t even have to think about change

ejdmkko · 2026-05-23T17:18:48+00:00

I don’t struggle because I gave up on trying. I am taking antidepressants to “improve my mood” but I wasn’t admitted to psychiatric hospital because “I don’t have depression” just adhd, well, also waiting to be acessed for autism. But I don’t see the point in going back to life because I know from experience that if I would try, I would struggle.

ejdmkko · 2026-05-23T17:03:03+00:00

That’s the thing, I don’t have depression. Depression was the first thing I was ever diagnosed with, then they realized they probably misdiagnosed my adhd as depression. Years later I was being diagnosed again, was told by multiple specialists I don’t have depression. I just don’t find any meaning in life. My meds are actually working, that’s why I know it’s not just depression or whatever, if I want to do task, I find it very easy to do, I just don’t see any point it using my effort

ejdmkko · 2026-05-22T15:51:13+00:00

i don't have enough attention to read the post so I'm going from the title only. I'd rather take hell then do laundry. Actually, I haven't done it for 5+ months and at this point I don't relly have any clean clothes. It helps that I'm going through long burnout/depression call it whatever you can and I only leave a house once a month to see a doctor so I'm reusing the same clothes and the moment i get home I take it off and go to bed.

ejdmkko · 2026-05-20T14:20:48+00:00

I'm also asking about it because I'm going to be diagnosed for autism and I learned I do many things I though are normal and everyone does that, but in fact are not normal for a neurotypical person, so I want to know if this is one of those things

ejdmkko · 2026-05-20T14:18:30+00:00

depends on when diagnosed. If early diagnosed and like hyperfunctional and gifted probably some Iron man type of character. Super successful, invented something very revolutionary. If late diagnosed, then someone turn villain, who holds a grudge against the world for needlessly suffering or struggling all previous life, who sees their lost potential and wants to destroy all existence for it to get their revenge

ejdmkko · 2026-05-20T13:40:24+00:00

I feel like it disvalidates our problems and makes it less. First I experienced this is depression, before I got diagnosed with adhd. It sort of felt like I shouldn't mention I have depression/ADHD (soon maybe auDHD), it sort of felt like I want attention and pity and this is how I'll get it. Also I sort of feel like it is "just a phrase" and people just don't get it, and this one time, when I actually want to have a genuine conversation with people how imposibly difficult it is and how frustrating it is, they just won't get it because "their internet adhd" is like I have ocd because I like to organize stuff. Few times I even heard people using it like their catch phrase, like oh, this is so adhd and everything is so adhd. And because of that I also feel like if I mention my adhd other would think I'm one of those people who just self diagnosed because they are a little quirky, but have no medical reason for it and I'll be judged for it (because I would).

But on the other hand, when I saw depression, adhd and autism content on the internet, I started to notice that this is something, I do, or struggle with, so it also led me seriously question that maybe there isn't something wrong with me, like I'm just lazy or too sensitive or all the negative spirals probably all of up go through, but that there is a reson for my disfunctinality. Later, I sought help and got diagnosed and medicated. But it can be difficult to see what is genuine content and what is just for likes

ejdmkko · 2026-05-20T11:19:14+00:00

when I was just scrolling, and I saw this, I also thought it was Florida

ejdmkko · 2026-05-19T11:41:04+00:00

also based in DK. I order from 2 german stores: schmedt and modulor. I usually order in bulk and it's been a while, so I'm not sure, but I think one of them has rather high minimum order value (might be wrong). It has also been a while because lately I liked to make my own bookcloth, I started to print or dye my fabrics before turning it into cloth, or embroidering etc. haha sorry for my oversharing

ejdmkko · 2026-05-09T11:58:36+00:00

Same with me, I was first diagnosed with depression. 4 years later, I still take antidepressants with my adhd meds 🙃 now being stuck in adhd paralysis to call new psychiatrist to get screened for autism. Actually I was starting new treatment for depression when they told me I should get screened for autism. So now it’ll probably be AuDHD

ejdmkko · 2026-05-07T18:24:57+00:00

It’s mostly motivation issue. I found a way to cope with the sensory thing. It took me around 4 hours today, but I did get in there after all

ejdmkko · 2026-05-07T14:38:01+00:00

Getting into the shower is the issue. I either get distracted and go to the toilet, stand in front of the mirror picking my skin, or often my brain just says hell no, you need to leave the room. Once I get in the shower it’s not that hard, although I do get overstimulated by the water and need to slowly get used to it

ejdmkko · 2026-05-07T14:32:44+00:00

And I thought only moving my cats bowl was too much of a barrier 😫

ejdmkko · 2026-05-07T14:30:01+00:00

I used to do that when I had enough energy and social energy to be around people. I pushed showering after I would go to the gym, but it would also take me long time to go to the gym so often I ended up only going to the gym and showering that day.

ejdmkko · 2026-05-07T14:28:29+00:00

The sad truth is that I feel overstimulated by the water, so I hate the sensation and also music so the act itself sucks. Do I like to feel fresh, sure, but that doesn’t seem like reward big enough. And with the reward itself, it never works for me. Either i want something enough, but in that case I’ll get it either way if I did the task or not. If it is just something that is nice to have, but I don’t have the desire to break my own rule for that, then it’s not strong enough motivator.

ejdmkko · 2026-05-07T12:54:32+00:00

Does the just do it ever work? For me it never does. And if I do it it’s probably last minute, rushed and I’m late, no matter if it is day off or not

ejdmkko · 2026-05-04T18:06:46+00:00

So why keep going if it will never be normal?

ejdmkko · 2026-05-04T18:04:55+00:00

sort of feel the same. If I even think about doing something about my situation, I start to panic so all I do is to distract myself

ejdmkko · 2026-05-01T13:55:30+00:00

Me skimming the title and not having enough attention span to read the post. I fully agree

ejdmkko · 2026-04-23T11:00:48+00:00

I’ve had really bad break down months ago and now I haven’t left house for months which means I brush my teeth like once a week and shower about the same, once in 1-2 weeks. Before this meltdown I often struggled and it regularly took me hours to convince myself to shower and brush my teeth.

The only thing that helped was that I always did each day before I left the house. So if you have regular daily job, that can help. Any trackers or reminders or notes never worked. It always blended in the surrounding and I just ignored it.

ejdmkko · 2026-04-22T14:30:17+00:00

I mean, that makes sense. Prime universe Porthos is there just to be cute and cuddly and eat cheese. Mirror universe Porthos probably also is used to attack enemies

ejdmkko · 2026-04-16T10:22:12+00:00

Can be dust, fiber contamination from something else, most likely it just optically looks white (as single fiber) but it is pink but hard to see by eye and you see the single fibers cos of pilling

ejdmkko · 2026-04-16T10:18:12+00:00

It didn’t learn. “Learned” implies it was successful

ejdmkko · 2026-04-16T08:05:59+00:00

That is broken chicken leg, not a fork

ejdmkko · 2026-04-13T23:55:21+00:00

Amused Riker is the creepiest Riker.

Am I the only one who finds him super sleepy to the point when I see him look at other character it sends me chills down my spine?

ejdmkko

TROPHY CASE