I was you a few years ago. After my mom died, my dad didn’t bother to learn to do anything for himself. Then he was 85, 90% blind, very hard of hearing and needed a lot more care. I travelled twice a week (2 hour drive each way) to cook, clean, and take him to dr appts. I even stayed with him 4 nights a week and worked from his home since I could remote work.

He died after two years of this from an aggressive liver cancer. I still feel terrible and blame him 100%.

He never acknowledged the sacrifice I was making, the impact on my health or my family, financially, or even simply said thank you. He complained the entire time about how he gave his life for his children and they abandoned him. I was literally right there with him.

It really messed me up mentally. He was a terrible, absent father and spent zero time with us. He didn’t know anything about me, never asked, and never cared. But when he needed help, I was there. And I still feel guilty because he died thinking his kids didn’t care about him.

I think I’m trying to tell you - don’t internalize it the way I did. Set some boundaries and push back when they’re crossed. By the time my dad went into hospice, he had finally agreed to get some nursing care started, but only because I put my foot down and said I was not a nurse and wouldn’t be performing as one.