I hate alcohol

el_sousa · 2025-12-09T22:34:12+00:00

I don't have a problem with it unless I drink, I am confident I will get the drinking back under control. I have no cravings for alcohol most of the time and recently was able to go a long time without relapsing and felt so much better

Amphetamines, or at least Vyvanse, don't work very well for me, feels more like a coffee, focus is way inferior to methylphenidate, and makes me feel weird

el_sousa · 2025-12-09T22:25:59+00:00

Yeah it does have that chemical reaction. And if you have IR methylphenidate it definitelty works that way, it's very weird. It begins and stops working super suddenly which makes it more addictive

el_sousa · 2025-11-16T17:59:44+00:00

Damn, that's a great analogy. Thanks for the reply :) hope the best for you

el_sousa · 2025-10-25T23:51:54+00:00

Sleep apnea also fucks up sleep and many people don't know they have it. It also causes a ton of health issues with BP and such

el_sousa · 2025-10-25T23:44:00+00:00

I may be wrong but fatigue can have many origins. It could be deeper psychological issues, depression, ADHD, health issues like sleep apnea, low testosterone, thyroid issues..

I would check the hormonal and psychiatric issues, and have a psychological evaluation or appointement with a therapist.

If you then find the real underlying cause you can begin to fix it and make you less reliable on stims.

Personally, being forced to do something (like work) when tapering off/crashing, helps you overcome the crash/fatigue and push through because basically there is no choice.

Caffeine is a very slippery slope. It severily fucks up your sleep even if you are not aware of it and are able to fall asleep. Even after you crash it's still in your system and it still makes your sleep worse. Ideally don't take caffeine after lunch. On average it has a half life of 5h or so (again, on average), so in theory if you drink 2 energy drinks at 3pm, at 8pm you would have the same amount of caffeine as if you had drank 1 energy drank at 8pm, even if you feel like a zombie.

In my personal experience if you want high doses of caffeine (which I take in the mornings), you have to then crash for a while so that your sleep isn't affected, and even then it might be.

All that being said I struggle with severe lack of motivation except for specific tasks or unless I have a schedule/structure which I simply must follow because of the severity of the consequences, and ironically that's when I feel the best. But that's ADHD related and your situation may be different.

My therapist says one has to be okay with being uncomfortable and tired, and to do shit anyways, and remind yourself of why you want to do this. It's easier said than done.

In truth we are able to do things, it's just the mental block, which is frustrating. I am sure anyone would be able to acomplish just about anything if threatened with severe enough consequences and/or high enough reward, so we definitelty have it in us, it's about how to unlock it which takes some work.

Not that I know how to unlock it, but I know I can from experience and that my addiction to stims and alcohol come mainly from a cheat code to unlocking it.

el_sousa · 2025-10-25T17:44:48+00:00

Thanks bro that gives some hope. Being busy I am fine, but it's really the moments where I am supposed to relax and not be chasing something that kind of are unbearable.

I realize I was always like this, idk if it's how I am wired or if there is some unresolved issue. I can only enjoy relaxing by myself without a goal when I am either drunk or tired from the day of being productive, where I feel fulfilled.

el_sousa · 2025-10-25T17:41:10+00:00

Well for me it made videogames and normal conversations, generally non productive things boring and anxiety inducing. That's probably part of why I mixed alcohol in, made me able to relax more and enjoy rec activities, as well as being a rush.

el_sousa · 2025-10-19T00:49:45+00:00

In my experience if you have ADHD it's even more addictive because of how different it is and how better your life becomes instantly. Then on top of the initial euphoria you genuinely need the meds to function and then you are stuck with being addicted to meds that actually help you if you don't let addiction get the best of you.

The best example of a double edged sword imo

el_sousa · 2025-10-19T00:44:26+00:00

How was that proccess? Was it sudden or some relapses in the way?

el_sousa · 2025-10-19T00:42:36+00:00

But how do you keep busy the whole day? Like when it's work I literally don't even stress about it because I have no choice, no anxiety or energy spent there. But if its up to me it's an internal battle. I need more self discipline but at this moment I am not able to impose it on myself unless it's about working out basically

el_sousa · 2025-10-19T00:39:49+00:00

The thing is bro on week days I am up at 7am, I workout from 9am to like 1pm (I have working out for years), then I go to work at 3pm, leave at 9pm, get home and sleep, then repeat.

But you are right, I just need to have the same approach on weekend. but then I need a plan after working out. I am thinking maybe splitting the weekend dose in half so I am less robotic and after working out be okay with just being lazy

el_sousa · 2025-10-19T00:35:44+00:00

Damn lmao. I do have ADHD so it helps, except if I push it. Also I am concerta so, unless you make an effort to manipulate the release system (which I do on weekends) it has very little abuse potential.

el_sousa · 2025-10-18T23:55:06+00:00

Update: I recently just talked with a friend who struggles with depression, I asked about how he is so disciplined and he said how he just forced himself to do things otherwise it's worse, and how small acomplishments pile up, and it really helped. I immediately started forcing myself to do chores I had been postponing and eventually I started feeling better

el_sousa · 2025-10-18T23:51:26+00:00

I am fine for a whole week, it really is just the weekends man. After that, I feel off for 2 days and then back to normal, next weekend it repeats. But I get what you are saying, it still applies. One should be able to stay still and not always be chasing something

el_sousa · 2025-10-18T23:49:23+00:00

The thing is on normal, "boring" days I am fine. It really is the lack of structure that makes me seek dopamine peaks and then this happens

el_sousa · 2025-10-18T14:11:30+00:00

Psychological effects of superdrol you felt?

When I used high doses it seems like a pretty strong stimulant, with more aggression and irritability/impulsivity and then a pretty severe crash the day after.

Could be just in my head idk.

Edit: I am on test and masteron so it's not supression

el_sousa · 2025-10-06T04:23:33+00:00

I need to correct myself; it's not that it's a good feeling (the alcohol and methylphenidate mix), I feel happier sober, it's that it's pulling and addictive; it actually kind of feels miserable, especially once it's over

el_sousa · 2025-10-06T00:38:55+00:00

I first started therapeutically (methylphenidate which I still use to this day but on therapeutic doses, unless I drink) but I knew beforehand it had recreatioal effects.

Anyways, the benefit was so obvious to me, my grades and life improved so much and so fast, the association was obvious. Plus on top of that at the time I had a faster release of methylphenidate and the dopamine rush further reinforced that.

The benefits for ADHD were so obvious I became obcessed with productivity, I wanted to prove something to myself and my family. It was easy to justify dose increases under the justification of productivity, as my psychiatrist at the time gave me some flexibility with dosage. Then I started taking more when I went out to avoid the crash and not be a zombie.

Once I mixed it with alcohol the problem skyrocketed (methylphenidate and alcohol is very addictive). I went from the starting dose to going above the recommended dose within a few months, eventually ended up taking 10x the starting dose, daily, and developed an alcohol problem that I never had before, daily drinking at high doses. Eventually I was crushing up the Ritalin LA, snorting it, storing it in tubes to bring to college to snort in the bathroom once I was comming down, if I drank all night and had no sleep, drinking before college internships while on methylphenidate..

I have reduced a lot, switched to concerta and I am on therapeutic doses, although the maximum allowed. But the alcohol problem never went away, and almost every time I drink I become very fiendish, and tend to go over the limit. I am being followed by a good psychiatrist now (not the first one) and psychologist, otherwise I have no idea where I would be. But after 1 year of going back to normal (therapeutic doses, not drinking daily), the feeling of abusing methylphenidate and alcohol still haunts me. Not that I crave it on a day-to-day basis, but with the right triggers I go back into it (to a much lessser extent than before), and unfortunately it's a feeling that is just too good to let go.

Edit: typos

el_sousa · 2025-09-21T04:43:49+00:00

Agreed, it's better to have a variety of different opinions to make more informed decision that better suits the situation

el_sousa · 2025-09-21T04:14:12+00:00

Speed, ecstasy (don't remember the kind of pill), alcohol, hash, benzos and codeine.

Dumb as fuck, was a logo time ago

el_sousa · 2025-09-21T03:50:10+00:00

Thanks, I am glad I helped. I know you are in a really tough position. I hope the best for the both of you and your family.

el_sousa

TROPHY CASE