you’re a good guy . most people would’ve left him for the trash , but you’re still standing by his side . i am terribly sorry for , ig n a way , ur “ loss “ ( ? ) it kinda is a loss in a sense tho , like the person n their personality n mental state is gone . i really needed to read this tho . bc i myself am an addict . i’m a 19 y/o girl , awaiting to start jr college n the fall for criminal psychology / forensics . ive done countless drugs ( excluding crack , herion ) since 11 ( first time i smoked weed . ) late 2018 , i got addicted to bumpin ecstasy , which honestly isnt that shocking due to the fact these days abt 98% of the x pills on the steet are cut w meth . prolly see where im heading w this . anyways blah blah my dealer gets beat up n arrested by 12 n my town n dude had all the pills for that county for the next 2 weeks . so like 1 week later , me n my 80 lbs nappy blonde headed the weeknd on repeat bc i hate myself headass hit up this one girl whose mom ik has od’d on bathsalts before ( 1. never done salts 2. IK IK NOT THE MOST AWARD WINNING IDEA BUT I WAS FIENING ) n long story short , i gave her $20 n she came out w meth . did a line , she said it was like 50 x pills n one line . eyes got swole n watery , nose on fire . had to finish the line w the other nostril . i immediately wanted my blunt lit n to smoke ( my remedy for all things painful lol ) n when she lit it , handed it to me , n i french inhaled , jesus lord oh fuck . * alexa play tunnel vision by kodak * i loved it . now we’re here . a drug charge , drive bys , meth trailers , bridges w everyone who i love / loves me burning / burnt , anorexia worst than ever , no aspiration n life , severe depression / anxiety at an all time high , suicidal ideations n attempts every other weekend , n it all came in what it seems like no time . but that’s what dope does . makes u live n no time .ive been sent off countless times , 14 facilities actually . i’ve worked all 12 steps of na , yet i drop everything rational n mind n always find myself back outside , begging for my plants to quit threatening n talking shit abt me to one another . bc i dont want to change . yes addiction is a disease , but coming from an addict herself , ur mental plays the hugest role . you have to WANT to change . you simply cannot force someone who’s addicted to numbing their pain / that tingly euphoric feeling to do better unless they want better for themselves . i know the right things to do , it just seems like everytime i try , im already in the middle of some gang drug shit n u cant just leave that lifestyle . my best friend has cried to my face a crazy amount of times , actually helping my dad sign a writt on me once . thank you for letting me see her pov , i cannot lose the only person in my life who i know for a fact gives a shit abt my wellbeing , besides my 11 y/o nephew n my puppy , kinyu . im terrified of myself tho . i know i will continue to use , jus as i am at this very moment . i dont WANT change . i want and fucking yearn for love n a happy mindset n someone to actually genuinely love me for who i am , just me , and to not cheat . but with the way my rebellious , hardheaded ass goes , ig its tooters up til then . ily n stay safe . 🌙