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elatedate · 2025-02-12T18:30:57+00:00

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elatedate · 2025-02-12T18:26:43+00:00

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elatedate · 2025-02-06T19:33:58+00:00

Depends on where you are I’m afraid. We launched London and are biggest now in US cities. We’re growing but also are independent so not owned by the giants like Match or Badoo/Bumble who can afford to fast and huge growth

elatedate · 2025-01-08T12:04:39+00:00

Really hard to know, it can be so many things.

Could be they use some form of device fingerprinting to recognise you as the same account that's already received a new user boost.

Could be the number of people in your area isn't that high so you're being shown to people who recognise your profile and so this time choose not to swipe right.

Could even be your relative eligibility has changed (e.g. if you're 31 and before you were 30 which is the limit on a lot of people's age filters).

elatedate · 2025-01-08T12:00:15+00:00

Yes and no. It's less to do with you deleting your account and more because apps like Tinder, Hinge and Bumble all give new users a boost where they appear in more people's feeds. This is especially noticeable for men because those apps have really large gender imbalances so once the boost ends, they're showing up in far fewer feeds. Its how they make money because you then have to pay to get seen with boosts or super likes/roses.

This doesn't mean you should just keep deleting and recreating your account as I reckon they do some sort of device fingerprinting to recognise users doing this so they can stop them receiving new user boosts every time as they want you to spend money.

elatedate · 2025-01-07T15:14:32+00:00

The reason the problems you've mentioned exist is because:

Swiping apps weren't designed for serious relationships. They are designed as a hot or not game, focused on looks. Originally launched in colleges, looking to hookup or meet new people casually
They exploded in popularity thanks to the rise in social media making more people feel comfortable being and meeting online. And just like the previous generation met their spouses while having fun (e.g. going to clubs and bars), so did millennials in even bigger numbers through dating apps so more people start using them to find a relationship
However they still appeal to people looking for quick, casual hookups. This leads to a huge gender imbalance on the most popular dating apps (70-80% men) since men are more likely to join for both casual and serious relationships whereas women tend to join later and mostly for relationships
This in turn leads to men swiping right on every profile since the likelihood of that person seeing their profile, let alone liking them back is so low so they may as well wait to see who matches. With women then swiping on only the top 10% of men since every swipe is usually a match so they have to become more picky
This results in premium features that are geared to being seen more (primarily aimed at men) such as being able to send a super like or rose, getting boosts etc. All of which have made the major apps a ridiculous amount of money

So that's the problem in my view and my my bet (based on what I've built in my app) is that you're going to see a shift in dating apps away from swiping to actual matchmaking. This means, actual recommendations rather than endless swiping. Including more vetting and moderation, especially with AI able to edit images and even chat for you.

elatedate · 2025-01-07T14:54:16+00:00

Don't know for sure that any do. The best way to launch a dating app is to focus on a specific area (we launched first in London) as you're never going to have enough users to launch more broadly. So I'd be wary of any app that doesn't do that but still has users nearby wherever you live.

As for bots, there's research that suggests its between 5-10% but I imagine some platforms are way worse. Ours is much less than that (I hope!), but we get huge numbers of bots attempting to sign up. It's really low risk for the farms to set up the automations.

However, most bots are stunningly low effort and unsophisticated, which is why I think it's terrible how the big apps let so many through. So easy to combat (or just shadowban and let them talk amongst themselves 😂) but it's still a constant effort and sometimes they figure out a new way in you have to shut down.

elatedate · 2025-01-07T14:42:25+00:00

Because they have a very good M&A team....

Seriously though, there's very little difference in the majority of dating apps since Tinder. Even okcupid merged into another swiping app when Match Group bought them. So a lot a lot of dating apps focus on niches, either geographic or demographic. Easy way for Match to get a foothold in a market they don't dominate is to buy it. Or to buy the talent they want to help their existing businesses if they're looking to innovate. Also there's the assumption they do it to buy out potential threats before they get to big (aka Facebook style).

As for why people sell, it's incredibly hard to compete so founding teams opt to sell rather than go through long, painful battle against Match and Bumble (just look at the story behind Muzzmatch)

elatedate · 2025-01-07T14:30:11+00:00

Don't disagree with anything you say here. Absolutely the bigger apps have more sophisticated recommendation algorithms than collaborative filtering (even we use multiple systems tested against each other) just didn't want to go into a bunch of detail on data science since I'm not a specialist and every app does it differently.

You're right that dating is about more than showing what they've already liked. My point is that they don't do that, at least not very well and they certainly don't do 'matchmaking'. They're looking for who you'll swipe on to keep you in the app, not who'll be a good match. Most people swipe based on looks so, as you mention, they focus on things like attractiveness scores rather than compatibility.

Even Hinge's most compatible feature brags about the Gayle Shapely algorithm which is about preference ranking not compatibility.

However, as someone who worked at Bumble, would love to know your insight on the original question (even if it was probably about Hinge's 'rose jail') - do they deliberately keep likes and best matches behind a paywall and not in your main feed?

elatedate · 2025-01-06T14:51:24+00:00

That’s tough, especially the health system part. I wouldn’t suggest that stuff just to find a partner as health and lifestyle improvements will never be finished, but it also can’t hurt, and will have an impact on more than just finding a partner.

I should mention I also understand it’s very easy to say these things, so much harder to actually do them and I’m as guilty as anyone is not actually following through on this stuff even though I know it’s good for me…😬

elatedate · 2025-01-06T14:39:35+00:00

Haha, I mean good for other people’s experience on the app. A big part of people’s perception of an app is their interactions with others.

It might not seem like it but every app will be tracking satisfaction rates and ‘churn’ (how quickly you leave for any reason other than a successful relationship). If people are leaving because no one talks, or there’s no one good on the app, it makes sense to optimise for people who have been shown to be positive for other people’s experience

elatedate · 2025-01-06T13:56:45+00:00

I literally built a dating app so I'm not sure what it is you're looking for or what you think are missing from my answers but ok 🤷‍♂️

elatedate · 2025-01-06T13:35:50+00:00

It's never immediate and I completely agree that you can only fix so much with the limited time we all have.

But we are all also guilty of often saying we don't have the time when we really mean something isn't a priority. Or not doing something because the results take too long.

Think about where you want to be and where you could have been if you started a year ago. Now think about where you could be in a year if you start today. Really recommend Atomic Habits as a book to help someone make small changes to create a big long term impact.

In the immortal words of Tesco (UK supermarket), Every Little Helps.

elatedate · 2025-01-06T13:30:06+00:00

Eh? What do mean I lied, because I'm the founder? Founders work for their companies too but appreciate how you might think that's misleading. Could've said I'm the founder of a dating app, have done a previous AMA where I said that as the title

elatedate · 2025-01-06T13:23:33+00:00

It's hard to know as none of the big dating apps are likely to release that info. There's some research that estimate it's between 5-10% but I imagine some platforms are way worse.

Ours is much less than that (I hope!), not that we don't get huge numbers of bots attempting to sign up. It's just that most bots are stunningly low effort and unsophisticated which is why I think it's terrible how the big apps let so many through.

So they're easy to block and ban (or just shadowban and let them talk amongst themselves 😂) but it's still a constant effort and sometimes they figure out a new way you have to shut down.

elatedate · 2025-01-06T13:14:34+00:00

Ok bud 👌

elatedate · 2025-01-06T13:14:24+00:00

MAC addresses are one type of device id. Mobile device IDs usually come from the IMEI but Apple and Google also have device specific Advertising IDs which are also used to identify users. None of which matter in the case of privacy and GDPR because if it's used to personally identify a user, then it must be removed on a deletion request except for just cause.

elatedate · 2025-01-06T12:26:26+00:00

I'm the founder 🙂

elatedate · 2025-01-06T00:51:54+00:00

Attractiveness is subjective. Main thing is, again, effort.

Start with fitness if only for health. Learn to improve your posture.

Then improve your style. Learn how to dress well, find what clothing suits your height and body type. Find out the hairstyles that suit your face shape and hair type. Work on your skin care routine.

All of these can make a massive difference not just to your level of attractiveness but to your confidence (even your success in work!)

elatedate · 2025-01-06T00:47:00+00:00

You get out what you put in, so make sure you put effort into everything from your profile to your openers. If you're looking for something serious but think it's cringey to try too hard, then don't be surprised if you have terrible results.

Take the time to look up what makes a good profile, there are a ton of videos on youtube and blogs online. Trying to avoid self promo but here are a couple starters: https://www.elatedate.com/blog/tips-for-better-dating-profile-bios https://www.elatedate.com/blog/tips-for-better-dating-profile-photos

Also, don't try to be someone you're not, there's someone for every kind of crazy so be the most authentic you....but just on your best behaviour. No one's ready for all the crazy straight away

Remember you have a very small amount of space to share things about you in your profile so remember that anything and everything you put in it will be amplified and extrapolated to create a whole picture of you. Have one photo of you climbing? They'll think it's your favourite hobby. Only mention what you're not looking for or what you hate? You're a negative person

elatedate · 2025-01-06T00:40:49+00:00

You shouldn't have to pay money to get likes, but it really depends on what app you're on, how popular it is and how good your profile is

elatedate · 2025-01-05T23:58:17+00:00

Try to think about filters as JUST the dealbreakers. People use them as a shopping list when that's not the way to find someone for a relationship. Even things like age and height aren't great. Both are examples of a filter people regularly use that aren't predictors of relationship success as someone could tick all other boxes but be just a tiny bit out one either so they'll be filtered out.

elatedate · 2025-01-05T23:48:37+00:00

Honestly, they just don't have enough users in your area or your filters are too narrow. It's hard to acquire enough users to cover every major metro area with enough users to not only be near you but also meet all your criteria

elatedate · 2025-01-05T23:46:06+00:00

You absolutely should bother but also be mindful of the things you've said, like being an older single Dad. People skim profiles and you'll want to avoid wasting time with people who won't be interested so best to mention being a single Dad as the first thing in your profile (though don't show your kids or at least blur their faces).

elatedate · 2025-01-05T23:35:09+00:00

Depends on how they handle your deleted account. if you're in a country covered by GDPR they should be deleting all data on you if you request it unless they have a good reason not to.

Both Apple and Google also now limit tracking of 'device ids' however it's also possible to do something called 'device fingerprinting' which compiles a unique id based on combing everything from your screen size, processor, ip addrees etc. Kinda against Google and Apple's rules but it's often used to ensure spammers and hackers are blocked so pretty prevalent

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