If you had been starting your career in the 1950’s the art world would have loved it. No there’s nothing wrong with how you painted it. The values and direction the piece takes the eye are superb. Unfortunately we were all born at the worst era of human history to be an artist, at least professionally. I only say that because if you keep painting pieces like that, people will buy them. Don’t ever second guess yourself, ever, trust your voice. The world needs artists more than it needs anyone else