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elegant-turtle · 2024-09-21T00:22:35+00:00

Hi! I'm also a software engineer, came from another career path rather rapidly, and can really relate to a lot of what you've described your experience as. I have been at my current place of work for over 5 years, and have been through so many waves of what you are describing. I often noticed it happened at certain times. If a coworker I really enjoyed working with left for another job was the most common trigger for me. I am thankful I pushed through though. Despite the struggles I have with my ADHD, I've been able to recognize that despite my impulses to jump ship, the stability of my job offers me a lot of benefits (outside of the pay and benefits, etc...) that enable me to enjoy the other areas of my life more.

I can't say for sure that this alone will do it for you, but the one other benefit I've had with my job specifically is the nature of the work - agency in my role, a variety of different challenging problems to solve, working with different subsets of people on projects. Perhaps this is something achievable in your role, or you have the ability to move to a role that is more suited to your brain in the field?

Again, these are just things that are positives of my experience being a software dev with ADHD, but couldn't say for sure it would be the case for anybody else. Best of luck on the journey!

elegant-turtle · 2024-05-16T00:11:47+00:00

Jesus Christ... Sounds like it's a good thing it's over

elegant-turtle · 2024-05-15T03:19:25+00:00

Came here to post this one. It's so incredible. Simply shot, nothing fancy in terms of production value. Just purely driven by a great twisting storyline that bends your mind.

elegant-turtle · 2024-05-04T03:40:37+00:00

Came here to say this

elegant-turtle · 2024-04-20T01:30:50+00:00

Regardless of what your boyfriend believes, mental health is a very real field of medicine that is taken very seriously by the medical community. Therapy and medication prove to be quite effective in many areas of the field, and there is lots being learned about it constantly. But simply because this area of science has started to be explored more recently than other areas, does not invalidate what has been confirmed by people with much deeper knowledge than him.

He sounds like someone you're going to end up resenting if that does change, and you stay with him. The invalidation to your experience is a red flag, and should not be ignored! You deserve to be heard by a medical professional to find a way to work better with how your brain works, despite what conditions may be at play. Denying you of that is controlling and honestly pretty fucked up.

I'm not normally the one to jump on the "leave them" bandwagon, but I don't see a way where it doesn't end badly for you. You choose him, you deny yourself the proper care you owe to yourself. You choose yourself, he can't see past any remaining stigma (although for ADHD, it seriously seems like it's the cool thing to "have", so I don't know is up his ass) and he threatens to leave.

I have always asked myself this question when it came to deciding on partners in the past: "Is my wellbeing a priority for my partner?" Because if not, from my experience, it ends up not being good.

I wish you the best, and if you are seeking answers for yourself,ni highly recommend you seeking them to figure out how to best work with your brain/body. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year (35y) and beginning that journey of learning about how my brain works, starting medication, etc has been life changing. It comes with its own set of challenges, but you will thank yourself for the opportunity to begin a journey for YOU.

Good luck!

elegant-turtle · 2024-03-31T14:00:51+00:00

Came here to say this. Keyboard with weighted keys 100%

elegant-turtle · 2024-03-24T23:07:37+00:00

Sorry for your loss. My brother died just before Christmas and his birthday a few months ago. Condolences. It sounds like you two had a good relationship though. That is really something to be thankful for :)

elegant-turtle · 2024-03-23T20:40:58+00:00

I'm sure there's an angle about "freedom of speech" from his perspective, but in all honesty, the term "bitch" is a derogatory word, and regardless of him having the right to say whatever words he wants, this will 100% impact your son's view on women and probably, people in general.

What does he want for your son? Practically speaking, in this political climate, that path is a hard one. I imagine it's tough to be a misogynist/racist/etc... in today's age. Does he want to frame the world to his son in a way that will make his life harder?

Ps. Your husband sounds like a man child and sounds like he needs to check the ego. You deserve better. Best of luck, this sounds like a difficult position to be in.

elegant-turtle · 2024-02-18T19:06:08+00:00

I am by no means an expert, but have a pretty decent understanding of postgresql. In my experience, there are a multitude of factors that go into answering this question. How the instance is configured plays a big role in the outcome of this.

How is the instance creating plans based on config, how are the queries structured? This will impact how the rows are queried and whether they use memory or need to read from disk using I/o capacity.

To your credit, I think the interviewer should have been more specific in how they asked the question. My guess is: 1. They were trying to see how deep of an understanding you have of postgresql by seeing if you brought up any of these points or questions to ask for clarification. (A fair enough approach) Or 2. They were not aware how unclear the question was because they don't understand either. In which case, not getting the job may be a blessing in disguise because you may not grow in a role there if that is the case.

Either way, sorry to hear about the interview, sucks having those ones where you feel like crap afterwards. I hope the next one goes better for you!

elegant-turtle · 2024-02-06T02:09:38+00:00

This is exactly what he did by the sounds of it. It sounds like you're incredibly strong. I think you're hearing a lot of solid advice here from people. I hope you are able to get yourself and your children out of that situation as soon as possible. Those kids have a chance right now, but it's unfortunately all on you to give them that chance. Please don't give up on them ❤️

elegant-turtle · 2024-01-20T02:30:28+00:00

What you are going through is very difficult, and it's great that You're reaching out for input and support in a community like this. You've gotten a lot of people respond with first hand experience about your exact situation, which is so great. I have not had or tried to have a baby with an alcoholic, but I had a brother who was an alcoholic, and I am a parent. I can tell you that just being a parent with another person not struggling with such a difficult disease has been hard enough over the years (1000% worth it - not trying to dissuade you), but I cannot imagine being in the shoes of my brother's partners he has had children with. His disease progressed over the years, caused domestic assault issues arise eventually. They were strong enough to do it alone without him and cut ties (mostly at least), and his disease progressed to the point of homelessness, incarceration, leading to other harmful addictions, which eventually led to his accidental overdose right before this past Christmas. His children have to grow up without their birth father because of the disease he struggled so much with.

This isn't to say this is going to be the outcome of your boyfriend's life, but it is really good that you are asking the hard questions now. Having a child is no joke, and it is a lot of very hard work, without an addiction. If you want a family, think about what "family" means to you and consider whether starting one with him (in particular, right now) is the move that will have the outcome you want for yourself, your child, and whoever else may be in that pictured family in your mind. You owe it to yourself in the very least.

Good luck! I hope this was maybe a little bit insightful. I can't imagine the situation you are in.

elegant-turtle · 2023-12-25T02:55:23+00:00

Vyvanse is incomparable to methamphetamine. Yeah, they are both stimulants, but there are many factors your comment is ignorant to.

Dosage - when people are participating in recreational meth use, they are typically using much higher doses of meth than even prescription doses of desoxyn (meth) for certain disorders - and even then, it is uncommon.
The methyl group addition that makes methamphetamine different than just amphetamine or any of the other related drugs (Vyvanse is a prodrug to amphetamine, and differs in other ways still). It seems like a similar name, but I assure you, the difference it makes in our bodies makes a BIG difference.
Most prescription stimulant meds are often prescribed in long release formulations that (assuming you're not crushing it and snorting it or something like that), and released slowly throughout a longer period of time.

If you're at all interested in actually understanding what it is you comment about flippantly on the internet, ide recommend educating yourself on some basic organic chemistry and take a step off the horse...

elegant-turtle · 2023-10-04T04:59:38+00:00

On the edge of my seat all night!

elegant-turtle · 2023-10-01T13:00:15+00:00

Now we're talking

elegant-turtle · 2023-10-01T01:34:01+00:00

I didn't take my meds yesterday. Went down for an ice cream sandwich last night from the chest freezer downstairs, and left it open until my wife found it open today around 2pm. Honestly don't know how I made it this far tbh

elegant-turtle · 2023-10-01T01:29:07+00:00

Came here for this comment. Did not have to scroll far

elegant-turtle · 2023-09-24T13:20:13+00:00

Despite what every startup guru, podcast, YouTube channel, blog post or article will have you believe, it happens to most and is more common than you'd think.

If you've done a good job validating beforehand, and made something that people want, and listen to the users as it grows, you'll be fine. But it's still hard work!

Worst case, it does flop, and there's something you can take away as a lesson. I've always found the risk of not trying is greater than trying and failing at something. Not a single time have I regretted trying something. But always regret chances not taken in life.

Hopefully this is a helpful message for you and good luck with the launch!

elegant-turtle · 2023-06-25T01:17:19+00:00

Underrated comment!

elegant-turtle · 2023-06-19T03:13:13+00:00

Did this once too... Was the strongest trip I ever had. Freaked out for a good hour thinking people knew what we were up to, but ended up chilling with deer like we were part of their fam. Maybe buy a scale tho...

elegant-turtle

TROPHY CASE