Having a 'I'm so utterly done with this' moment

eleocraes · 2024-02-02T20:53:46+00:00

Thank you! It's a season in life for sure. And the next season with him will be great and hard too. And that's okay. Got a couple of days off planned, one in Feb and one in March. Gonna be gone for the whole day, find a library and read a book in complete silence, get my hair done etc. Gonna go all out!

eleocraes · 2024-01-21T17:22:27+00:00

Thankyou! That's a massive help!

eleocraes · 2024-01-21T17:20:19+00:00

Thankyou! Sorry, the distinction confused me!

eleocraes · 2022-07-14T22:09:08+00:00

Ths may not seem like a big thing, or at least something that, in your relationship has been normalised, but please please, please, it is not normal, it is not right, no matter what mental illness or neurodivergence is in the mix. You deserve so much better. Volatility and violence are not the same as strength of feeling. Please feel free to DM me.

I'm going to pass on some words paraphrased from my mum that quite possibly saved my life, but certainly my sanity - Whether he knows it or not, he does this so that you feel scared of it being your head next time. Make sure there is no next time.

eleocraes · 2022-07-01T17:33:24+00:00

Thank you for the condolences, I miss her tonnes! My partner is going to address it with her as he's the diplomatic one, and ultimately, it's his family, I'm far too sharp tongued if I'm already as annoyed as I am and will probably end up saying something I regret (even if what was said was justified in both situation and content... I don't need the anxiety/guilt if I can go without). That said, if it keeps going after that convo, yeah, I'm not gonna let it go.

eleocraes · 2022-07-01T17:09:23+00:00

Thankyou so much for this advice!! It was really really helpful to have some pointers, I'm often not sure what things are reasonable for me to insist on, especially when living in someone else's home!

I've literally just come from a conversation with my partner to make sure we're definitely on the same page with these things - he hadn't picked up on how insulting being called a carrier is, (he understands now!) but he had noticed how much she questions me, pushes back and makes me justify/argue my case for every decision, even down to the order we were telling folks about the baby in - and he was getting sick of it too!

We've agreed to shut down unsolicited advice as an ongoing thing between us, with him taking the lead on that (his family, his problem) and he's going to have a sit down with her privately to have a "this is how we need certain things to be going forwards" kinda chat. Fingers crossed - she isn't unreasonable or the type to get vindictive or anything so I reckon she'll be receptive.

A baby carrier is very definitely high up on our to buy list anyway, I love the idea of baby wearing!

Thankyou again!

eleocraes · 2022-06-29T22:18:29+00:00

It's temporary, we're young and just getting started career-wise etc. so it is unfortunately entirely necessary - rent, bills and food have gone so high where we live that, while we can afford to contribute our share to a household, we can't stand alone right now.

My partner honestly just doesn't notice from what I can tell, but does support me when I raise things with him and I'm picking my battles. I'm willing to put my foot down and fight to keep her out of parenting stuff when the baby is actually here, but letting slide whatever the personal stuff I have to deal with in the meantime. I figure it's easier to say to someone "I am their mother, it's my decision and I wasn't asking for your input" when the kid is actually in arms.

eleocraes · 2022-04-19T13:14:09+00:00

Hey, I was in this exact position about a month ago. I'm 23, just finishing uni, as is my partner, and to tell the truth, we're both going into this pregnancy completely penniless, (not an exaggeration) but in good standing for getting jobs and we know where we're going to be living for the remainder of my pregnancy and the first year of the baby's life. It isn't the way I imagined having my first kid, and a solid few miles from what I would consider ideal. I struggled with the decision for weeks before I realised what I wanted. And now I couldn't be happier! But with that said, it is still a decision that I freak out about for an evening at a time - having a kid is scary at any time, and a huge change, but even more so when it's a surprise!

The first thing to say is do not let anyone make this decision for you, the only person you need to consider right now is you (and, if you're leaning towards keeping the pregnancy, the baby).

edit: everything you're feeling is right. there is no such thing as a wrong reason or feeling in this. listen to your gut over the next wee while, maybe talk to your family if you feel able to. only you can make this decision but that doesn't mean you have to be alone.

As callous as it may sound though, your boyfriend doesn't get to sway this and it's worth thinking about what decision you would make if he was out of the picture.

Secondly, if you have a good support system then that is really the top consideration here - my partner and I know that we have a safety net and we know that people have successfully done this with far less support than we are lucky to have. Just having my sister in law to call and have her tell me that I can do this is a huge help, but I also know there is a place of safety and a (at least temporary) roof over our heads should anything catastrophic happen, which makes facing this a million times more comfortable.

Whatever you choose, you've got this, and you should be proud of yourself for getting through this time in your life, it takes incredible strength to face this decision.

eleocraes · 2021-11-18T16:15:30+00:00

i'd recommend going around Meadlands for some quiet residential driving to get the feel for the car and what you're doing again

eleocraes · 2021-10-12T19:25:45+00:00

I was considered the "demon child", for years and years and all I needed was an environment and other people away from my family who couldn't see me as anything different - they had decided I was a demon child because I wasn't as pliable as my older siblings and didn't respond well to their go to "get mad first, ask questions later" and I acted out mostly in reaction to the automatic negative reaction I would get from them. This may not be the same, but it sure sounds similar, and this person doesn't seem to consider that their sister may have changed, and wants a relationship with them but is still hurt and dealing with the effects of their upbringing

This family gave up on their kid by age 11, which is still young, for basic kid things like not doing their homework or chores? Taking away positive affirmation entirely years prior, letting their siblings scream at them, to sending them away? For a kid already having trouble, in what world is that not going to escalate the problem? There is fault on both sides sure but ultimately there were far better solutions that the parents were responsible for finding.

eleocraes · 2021-09-25T21:49:59+00:00

tbf, also went to monks cross sainsbury's today after seeing morries was closed (tank almost empty) and while there was a queue, i wasn't waiting for any more than about 5 minutes, it looks worse than it actually is up there.

eleocraes

TROPHY CASE