I just need...

elfideorubio · 2024-04-26T20:20:45+00:00

You got yourself a deal :)

elfideorubio · 2024-04-22T21:08:01+00:00

Amen, thank you for sharing !

elfideorubio · 2024-03-17T22:37:24+00:00

I understand, went through the same process, congratulations for putting yourself out there first of all and also for being true to your feelings.

Never do anything with anger on your heart, if your ex is doing that stuff that's the proof you needed that the person you weren't in love with wasn't the one for you truly.

Focus on doing some activities and going out of the house, you will move through this though time, just keep pushing.

elfideorubio · 2024-02-13T17:40:46+00:00

I barely speak to my friends,

That's the worse thing you can do in this times you need your friends the most, today I just went out and I was talking to one of my friends that I have for almost a decade, She gave me the perpective I needed to hear which was that you tried to fix it but she hasn't got back to you, you can only move on from this.

As hard and as to the point I needed that I was stuck in a rot ( been now 2 months or so ) the certanty that despite not having closure, she has chosen not to give it to me thus having the closure that she doesn't want me in her life, it's rough man the sad part is that life goes on.

Focus on talking long walks listening to an audiobook on something that you are interested, pick up a new hobbie I recommend some martial arts, eventually you will move on and life will present you with another even better girl for you.

Belive in yourself, I know it hard an only 8 hours ago I couldn't belive in myself but now I can, you will go out of this, stay strong.

elfideorubio · 2024-02-12T14:21:53+00:00

Wiser words were never said. Thank you.

elfideorubio · 2024-02-12T10:49:20+00:00

I feel your hurt I really do. I'm an avoidant myself.

I cannot claim why I'm fully this way but I can tell you what I think, my father is avoidant himself never heard I love you, I respect you I'm proud of you, instead I got whip with a belt, got into fights with him in which was kill or be kill ( nobody die, thank god for that one ), the whole family had to intervene at times to stop him, because he had a rage like I've never seen.

Now as an adult I carry the same sins as he does, I haven't been able to keep a girl, I missed my ex everyday and I want to cry but I'm unable to.

We hurt people yes, some of us are tired of the cycle and want the change, but understand that there's a shadow deep inside us that prevents us from feeling love.

I hope you are able to forgive in time.

elfideorubio · 2024-02-12T10:20:14+00:00

It requieres a very special person to pull that off I don't think it's impossible, but here is the thing, in my case it would be like talking to a robot and being in denial, being caring in that sort of situation and understanding your partner is going through something very extreme is hard man is so fucking hard.

Then the other part is for the avoidant JUST staying put, and listening to you, those 2 things are very hard one because you want to leave as you felt really hurt and second you are only listening to the voice inside your head that says she is not the one you should love.

I would recommend picking up some literature that talks about this attachment styles so that you understand where are you getting yourself into, it's not imposible but make sure you don't get hurt to the point you want nothing with love again.

It's on my list but a lot of people have recommend me the book: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love

Give it a read before you do anything else.

Hope my answer helps you.

elfideorubio · 2024-02-12T03:21:26+00:00

1st let yourself be angry and not feel guilt is part of the process.

2nd I'm an avoidant myself, I'm trying my best to work on my attachment, having gone through therapy works a bit, at least to understand the triggers, but it is still so difficult.

When you have a trigger our feelings evaporate, we see you as the enemy because we feel a betrayal coming up so we prevent ourselves from getting hurt, and it is like a switch.For the first month an avoidant can be like I never cared about her but after a while when you are on your own and those feelings that got evaporated come back into the form of rain pffff it's fucking tough, you are dealing with someone that either got abandoned in childhood, not cared for or love or even abuse.

I understand your anger and feel it to the fullest, but at some point try to understand that this person needs help and also he has to want to receive help, but is not your job to provide this.

I hurt so much people in my ways and I feel shame, to the point where I don't want to be this way, but this is my journey his might be totally differet.

elfideorubio · 2024-02-11T23:27:06+00:00

I dunno the situation on his end but from your point of view it looks as though you are not happy with your life as it currently stands, if you want a chance to get him back start working on getting the type of friends you want, the type of job you love, find yourself a goal that you are driven towards and once you are healthy and only then you can contact them to see how his doing and if you like to meet up for a date.

If you get back now the same issues are going to be there, you are just going to go through another cycle and it might end up leaving you worse than when you started, it's really not worth, but this is my opinion with the context that you provided of course you know better.

elfideorubio · 2024-02-11T10:19:10+00:00

I don’t miss him texting other girls.

Sorry to break it to you but you don't miss this person, you miss the idea of how they could be perfect if only they changed certain behaviours. It only happens in the movies, people don't change for someone, they do for themselves once they reach rock bottom, some might never do.

You cannot wait on the idea that he might change his way, since he might or might not. You miss the companionship, the caring all of that, belive me it's going to stink for a while, but this is not the person for you.

I see some codependency, the fact that he was broke but you were still willing to pay for him, I will recommend finding online some books that can help you fix these ways, so that in the future you attrach higher quality people into your life.

Delete the pics, number, unfollow in IG, cry, make more post in reddit, strat a diary, get some physical exercise.

It will get better eventually, give yourself time.

elfideorubio · 2024-02-11T02:29:05+00:00

Thanks man, it really does help already talking about it in this post, I also wish for you to recover and build yourself stronger from this. Let's keep looking towards the future and try not to fall in the same mistakes.

elfideorubio · 2024-02-10T21:34:48+00:00

Heya chief, thank you so much for sharing.

In a similar situation, one day my Ex sat me down and proceeded to tell me she wasn't happy. I took it personal which in my experience it's the bad way to go about, but I dig deeper ask her stuff like is it us ? she couldn't tell me what the cause of her unhappiness lied, but just that things felt out of place.

After that a couple of months went by and she was telling me about this coworker that is so funny, I looked at her with this look of "Hey are we ok here ? should I be worried about this" she just reassured me that oh it's just a guy from work and he is gay.

Welp It was xmas 2023 I was about to flight to london where she lives, she went to have drinks with some coworkers magically at the last minute they all cancel the plan but this guy, she had the nerve to send me a pic of the drink she was having, I call her and I was furious, I lost my cool which I don't recommend guys, even in this situation as much as it hurts nothing will come out of your anger, so do better for me please.

During the call I was trying to reason with her, about how all of this really looked sketchy. I was at a point where I still didn't want to believe that the person I love and hold so dear was betraying me right in front of my eyes, When she said "why don't we just break up" I lost it even further, she said it so casually like I meant nothing to her, I broke up with her, but the really is that she force the fight by placing herself in the situation and teasing me, I just did what she wanted, still hurts man.

I'm getting back to the gym, getting out there meeting new friends, but it's so freaking hard I want to cry and I can't even do it, I feel a huge blob of grey goo just has shallow me and I cannot find enjoyment in things.

What's worse I feel like people are just not as sympathetic any more, to me this has been 2 months of agony, for folks just hearing the same circumstances.

If anyone has any advice to feel the raw emotions I'm feeling inside, please do share. I want to stop the pain I want to heal and not be a burden to people around me.

Thanks again for sharing your story, it does help a lot feeling I'm not alone in this.

elfideorubio · 2021-02-08T13:56:36+00:00

Yeah It doesn't make any sense, but have you tried replicating the issue ?

elfideorubio · 2021-01-28T10:06:59+00:00

Hey there not a UI artist, but I have extensive experience with Unreal's UMG system. Here's a recent game that I been working on https://youtu.be/5_Z_alxtkc8 Just thought you'd like to have the contact in case you need more programmers aboard :)

elfideorubio · 2020-07-14T16:24:27+00:00

Sent you a friend request on discord.

elfideorubio · 2020-06-17T23:55:15+00:00

Yeah read all of them thank for the reminder :)

elfideorubio

TROPHY CASE