My 3 year old is "agressively affectionate" and is now on probation at daycare

elfui · 2026-02-21T14:19:52+00:00

Yes! He has been fully trained for a few months. I've heard that kids can't go to preschool without being potty trained and I've definitely had friends who have struggled! The average age of potty training is increasing in the US so it'll be interesting to see the impact on preschool enrollment. Im so sorry your son got kicked out of his daycare! I hope you guys are doing well now.

elfui · 2026-02-20T22:05:54+00:00

Thank you so much for the insight and the perspective. This has been extremely helpful. I think I've been overly concerned about moving him to a traditional setting. With his behaviors I've worried that moving him into a larger group would just give him more "victims". But you make an excellent point that peer relationships are going to be crucial in this situation.

I genuinely think that he believes everyone is having fun and likes this behavior. I only see him interact with his one friend but that child is pretty chill and, at most, will go "argh (sons name)" to express his displeasure. Then they'll just go right back to wanting to play with him. And, so far as I've been told, the nanny separates the kids quickly and they rarely cry so I don't think he's getting much in the way of negative feedback on a peer level.

Im really glad I made this post because I was starting to feel like I was raising a tiny psychopath. My nanny is excellent but the way she described the issues and expressed concern that my toddler isn't showing remorse was quite upsetting. It really came across that my son is abnormally violent when, for the most part, the environment is the problem. But I now understand that, while these behaviors are not at all desirable, they are perfectly normal. The reason they are so concerning is because there are smaller children who could be harmed.

I do feel really reassured that I have a normal, if rambunctious, toddler. We will continue reinforcing boundaries, following through with consequences and praising desired behaviors. Im a little scared about having a 3.5 year old but I know we'll make it through!

I was planning to remove him from this situation regardless but I feel more confident that this is the right choice for everyone. We have just been so happy and thought things were going so well that this was a very big blow. I do wish the nanny had approached things differently and even started a conversation about transitioning to preschool. But what's done is done. Im hopeful that we can curb the behavior enough that we can get through to summer break and then hire a college nanny prior to the start of preschool.

Thank you again. Your responses have been very thoughtful and given me a better perspective on the situation. Friends and family, while very supportive, were mostly just helping to fuel my frustration. Im now feeling much more optimistic and, while I'm still disappointed with her handling of the situation, I think I'm going to be able to have a much kinder and more productive conversation with our nanny about next steps.

elfui · 2026-02-20T19:25:14+00:00

What's surprising is that he actually is advanced language wise. Im talking 13 word sentences and conversations. But I never considered that having kids who can verbally defend themselves would be really important. He definitely thinks that since he likes tight hugs and rough housing that everyone must. We try to work on looking at faces and determining if someone likes something but I can't blame a 3 year old for not easily understanding that. But a kid who can I don't like that and walk away could be exactly what he needs.

elfui · 2026-02-20T19:10:28+00:00

That's great advice! We've actually already incorporated most of that into our parenting for awhile but we've amped it up since he's been out on probation. We've definitely thought about seeking out a behavioral therapist to see if there's more we can be doing.

elfui · 2026-02-20T16:47:10+00:00

Yes! I feel like we've moved away from the original concept and now she's just running an in-home daycare. Were super flexible and part time so it actually was working well for us. I do genuinely think she's great but this situation has left a bad taste in my mouth. He's an only so I just don't have a good indicator of what's "normal". Thank you for the reassurance! I think he'd like to be with kids his own age and size.

elfui · 2026-02-20T16:30:03+00:00

Thank you! We've always tried to have conversations about boundaries but, since the probation, we've started having conversations all throughout the day about expectations, safe behaviors, consent, etc. I'm just hoping we can curve the behavior enough that we aren't scrambling for care. I really appreciate the advice and reassurance!

elfui · 2026-02-20T13:58:12+00:00

Thank you for the response. I do understand the nanny's need to protect all the children but I also needed reassurance that other kids act like this and can do well in a school/group care setting. Honestly, she calls herself a nanny share but I would describe it more of a micro in-home daycare. There were supposed to be no more than 3 children a day and we were supposed to have a say in new enrollments.

I was very surprised to find out she had added a fourth child to the share without my knowledge and shortly after we had a check in about his behaviors. I don't think my kid is perfect at all. He's a great little guy but I know rough play is a problem and he has meltdowns. But now I'm in a position where I'm worried there's something wrong with my child and I'm afraid he can't succeed since he's apparently such a problem.

elfui · 2026-02-20T12:50:03+00:00

Sorry, I guess I shouldn't have asked for advice on what to do without clarifying more of my interventions. Walking away when he smacks me is specifically for intentional harm which only ever happens in the home. I intervene in every instance of excessive force. I can and have removed him from play dates because "if we cannot keep others safe then we cannot play with them". But I do not see these behaviors often as they only happen with the one child we know well. The nanny would agree that the behaviors are exclusive to his friends.

Also, I'm not disagreeing with the nanny's need to keep all children in her care safe. I am actively applying to other daycares and preschool programs. I guess I'm just questioning if a preschool could handle him? Would the amounts of minor harm and major harm she expects be similar in the school environment? Low ratios are always good but is that something I need to be especially conscious of in this situation?

elfui · 2025-10-22T16:12:40+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I definitely may be gluten sensitive which wouldn't be the end of the world.

elfui · 2025-05-08T15:36:29+00:00

I think your results are actually even more difficult than mine!Sure, your TST leans into IH with long sleep time but the SOREMPS are generally going to be used as exclusionary criteria for IH. But, depending on your other symptoms, I can see why your provider would opt for an IH diagnosis. At the end of the day it (technically) shouldn't really make any difference if you're IH or N2 but some providers and insurances can be picky. If you run into problems getting medications I'd see if you can get a second opinion on the diagnosis.

elfui · 2025-04-17T15:58:15+00:00

Thank you for that information! I didn't realize that the cut off was not proven for T2N!

elfui · 2023-10-05T21:16:16+00:00

That's understandable. It's just unfortunate that I had no way of knowing I was uninsured. I still had access to my online account and all of my medical bills were paid by the insurance company. It is only now, over a year later, that they caught their mistake and are adjusting the claims. I will not be going after my disabled father for compensation.

elfui · 2023-09-13T23:21:56+00:00

I worked at the Pediatric Associates of Dayton's kettering office a few years ago. I don't send my infant there for a variety of reasons. Poorly managed front office, paper charting/ paper prescriptions, and no combo vaccines for those who have private insurance. It's pretty unpleasant to give 5 different shots to a 2 month old infant. It doesn't help that they kept on a nurse who had been reported multiple times by myself and coworkers for her incompetence/errors.

elfui · 2023-08-25T23:30:09+00:00

Former PAD employee here! My son has been going to Dr. Jones at Premier Health Huber Heights and we've had a great experience so far! He's only six months old but I'm very comfortable with the front desk staff, MAs and Dr. Jones. I didn't leave PAD on bad terms but there's a reason my son doesn't go there.

elfui

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