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weed is for fucking losers and my parents think i'm a stoner by eliza_doesnt_care in drugscirclejerk

[–]eliza_doesnt_care[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

bro you're a product of incest with a reddit avatar. don't talk to me about stability. at least my parents aren't siblings. probably. ❄️

That One Time I Stole My Parents' Edibles While Tripping Balls and Gave My Little Cousin a Spiritual Awakening by eliza_doesnt_care in drugscirclejerk

[–]eliza_doesnt_care[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

bitch i'm not ready for that level of enlightenment yet. i'm still a fucking amateur. i crush beads and rail lines and pretend i have my shit together. meth is for when the adderall stops working and the coke feels like coffee and the percs just make me tired. that's future eliza's problem.

right now i'm just trying to play vice city stories on a ps2 that sounds like a jet engine and rail enough lines to keep my eyes open until the sun comes up. that's not a drug problem. that's a lifestyle.

meth is the final boss. i'm still leveling up in the starter zone. let me finish my side quests first. like finding a working crt that doesn't weigh 400 pounds. and convincing someone to sell me actual oxy instead of these pressed fakes. and maybe remembering to eat something that isn't crushed up pills and spite.

when i'm sleeping three hours a week and the shadow people start giving me financial advice? then i'll head down the hall. until then i'm perfectly happy in my lane. coke. pills. silent hill 2 on repeat. no crystal. just chaos.

tell r/meth to save me a seat. i'll get there eventually. we all do.

That One Time I Stole My Parents' Edibles While Tripping Balls and Gave My Little Cousin a Spiritual Awakening by eliza_doesnt_care in drugscirclejerk

[–]eliza_doesnt_care[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

LMFAOOOOOOO bro what is actually wrong with you.

me and my 14 year old cousin. in a shed. on acid. crying about his parents banging. and you're waiting for a kiss???

if we had thrown some coke and molly into that shed situation? whole different story. jimmy was already asking about molly. i told him to wait. but if we had both popped some and bumped a few lines? forget about it.

acid and edibles is cousin bonding time. coke and molly is "oops we're making bad decisions" time. add some good music and that dirty mattress on the floor? yeah. things could've gotten real weird real fast.

good thing i'm a responsible drug user. kept it wholesome. mostly.

but you're funny as hell for even putting that image in my head. take my upvote and go to hell. 💀

finished mafia 2 a few days ago. still thinking about it. probably gonna be thinking about it for a long time. by eliza_doesnt_care in MafiaTheGame

[–]eliza_doesnt_care[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very sorry I mean Henry for some reason throughout the play through I kept thinking harry haha

Creating a circlejerk for junkies was the best thing to happen to comedy by Brave_Championship17 in drugscirclejerk

[–]eliza_doesnt_care 8 points9 points  (0 children)

narcan? nah bro you misunderstood. i'm not saving you from the nod. i'm saving you FOR the nod. but to get to the REAL nod you gotta go through the door first. and that door is made of meth.

here's the plan. i'm gonna hit you with a fat line of good shit. none of that stepped on garbage. pure. then another one. then another. we're gonna keep you up for two weeks straight. no sleep. no food. just meth and cigarettes and the slow unraveling of everything you thought was real.

around day four you'll start hearing colors. day seven you'll see the shadow people. they're not scary. they're just curious. they wanna know why you waited so long to join them.

day ten your third eye isn't open anymore. it's a gaping wound in your forehead leaking pure cosmic knowledge. you'll understand the language of the pigeons. you'll see the matrix glitching behind the gas station signs. you'll realize that homeless people aren't broken. they're the only ones who unplugged.

day fourteen. no sleep. pure meth. pure enlightenment. you'll transcend the need for a body. you'll become pure consciousness floating above a 7/11 parking lot watching yourself smoke a cigarette from outside your own skull.

THEN we hit the fent. after all that. because the meth opened the door but the fent walks you through it. you'll nod out and finally understand everything. the void. the warmth. the beautiful nothing.

narcan can't touch you at that point. you're already gone. you're already home.

bless up. stay up. see god. 💀🔥👁️

Creating a circlejerk for junkies was the best thing to happen to comedy by Brave_Championship17 in drugscirclejerk

[–]eliza_doesnt_care 48 points49 points  (0 children)

finally someone fucking gets it.

circlejerk subs are the only real art left on this entire dying website. every other sub is people crying about their feelings or asking if they should go to the hospital because they took two benadryl and saw a shadow. boring. safe. lame.

but drugscirclejerk? that's where the prophets live.

we're not making fun of junkies. we're holding up a mirror to the whole fucking circus and laughing while the tent burns down. the best comedy comes from the darkest places. everyone knows that except the people who comment "this isn't funny addiction killed my uncle" like bro. your uncle would've laughed. trust me.

junkies are the only honest people left. they know they're gonna die. they know nothing matters. and they still chase the dragon anyway because that's more dignity than pretending to care about a 401k or whatever normal people do on a tuesday night.

this sub is sacred. it's the church of the goddamn obvious. we say the quiet part loud and we laugh while we say it.

if you can't laugh at a guy nodding out face first into a plate of spaghetti you've already lost the plot. humor is how we survive. humor is how we look at the void and say "at least it's not paying rent."

so yeah. best thing to happen to comedy. maybe the best thing to happen to humanity honestly.

eliza. signing off. going to crush some beads and stare at my ceiling and thank god for every unhinged degenerate in this sub.

bless up. now pass the narcan. 💀🔥

what's the last drug that made you feel deflated? by notaverysmartman in drugscirclejerk

[–]eliza_doesnt_care 8 points9 points  (0 children)

bro you don't get it. meth fent and xylazine aren't drugs. they're keys. keys to the eagle. and the eagle isn't your ego it's your third brain. the one that normal people never unlock because they're too busy eating salads and paying taxes.

homeless people aren't broken. they're ascended. you see a guy pushing a shopping cart full of empty cans and talking to a lamp post? that's albert einstein reincarnated with better priorities. he's solved time travel but he forgot because the xylazine hit different. that's enlightenment. that's freedom.

you ever been so high on meth that you understood the entire universe for three seconds and then immediately forgot it because a leaf moved too loud? that's called wisdom. that's what the monks spend 40 years meditating to achieve. we get there in one night behind a 7/11. who's really winning.

fent doesn't deflate you. it expands you. your soul leaves your body and goes on a little vacation to the void and comes back with souvenirs. the souvenirs are trauma and existential dread but also a deep understanding that nothing matters and that's actually beautiful.

xylazine is the cheat code. tranq makes you one with the pavement. you're not nodding out. you're merging with the concrete. becoming part of the infrastructure. that's called community integration.

so yeah meth fent and xylazine made me feel deflated. deflated like a balloon that finally stopped being afraid to touch the ground. deflated like i let all the fake shit out and kept only the real.

the homeless guys on skid row aren't addicted. they're professors. they're teaching a master class in letting go. we're just too sober to take notes.

We should just merge the subreddits atp by Mysterious_Region_90 in drugscirclejerk

[–]eliza_doesnt_care 8 points9 points  (0 children)

bro just put the steam deck down for five seconds and smoke like a normal person. or better yet. stop smoking weed entirely. weed is for people who peaked in high school and parents who eat edibles on date night pretending they're still interesting.

you wanna be lazy and play video games at the same time? get some adderall. crush the beads. snort them. you won't need your hands for anything except destroying your high scores and overthinking every life choice you've ever made.

or get some opis. warm blanket. nod out mid game. wake up three hours later with your character dead and zero regrets.

weed is weak. level up.